Neighbours recap 8-12 June 2009



Yeah, some crap happened with Paul saying that he was going to skip town, for good. Maybe he should just do it instead of talking about it.


Declan suggests that Zeke and Ringo organise a bucks night for him, a suggestion which is met with blank stares. I can understand; given that alcohol and nudity do not exist on ramsay st, that they would be hard up for ideas. They could at least have got him a fat-a-gram or something though.

Anyway, Declan and Bridget get married. Luckily for me, it is a farce of a ceremony. Bridget looks like a man, and Declan initially looks bewildered, though this later gives way to a gigantic shit-eating grin after he delivers the shitty pun he had worked into his vows, something about having fallen for Didge while abseiling. Those two deserve one another. Also, bridget is barefoot. At the end, Miranda leaps out of a car along with steve and Rebecca, sees that didge and dec have tied the knot, summons her best trout face, and cries ‘what have you done!?’


Miranda no longer seems to care that Declan and Bridget are married, leaving the viewer feeling cheated. Also, Karl catches Susan lying about meeting Libby. If it transpired that they were lesbian lovers it might spice things up a bit.


Sophie has a flashback about Paul actually trying to save her mum, rather than killing her. Do you realise that this means that both Paul and Sophie had selective amnesia immediately post the accident? Karl Kennedy would probably suggest, in his expert medical opinion, that these things happen from time to time when people undergo trauma. Well sorry Karl, but that is horseshit. As it turns out, amnesia is basically the Neighbours writer’s number 1 fallback plan to escape the shitty plot holes they  consistently create, or to ‘surprise’ the viewer with a twist. This is also why certain characters are sometimes not completely written out of the show, by way of their deaths not having been completely confirmed. I suspect that Dee is one producer-blowjob away from an amnesia-inspired return. Furthermore, the number of people who live on ramsay st who have suffered from amnesia at some point in the last 5 years is now, what, 5 or something? Is there a toxic waste dump buried underground?


Susan wants to have Libby’s baby. I nearly choked on my potato gems when this one came out. I really hope she goes through with it, as there is a very real chance that something awesome could transpire as a result of her surrogacy. See below.

Mothers Age    Incidence of Down Syndrome
Under 30    Less than 1 in 1,000
30    1 in 900
35    1 in 400
36    1 in 300
37    1 in 230
38    1 in 180
39    1 in 135
40    1 in 105
42    1 in 60
44    1 in 35
46    1 in 20
48    1 in 16
49    1 in 12



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