NEIGHBOURS RECAP 6-10th JULY 2009

by

MON

Lucas is still stuck in his poker game. Not realising that his friends also happen to be the local toughs, he proceeds to borrow money from one of the stupider looking ones and then loses. Not knowing what to do, he takes the yellow-bellied route of pushing over a table and running away with Steph in tow, accompanied, hilariously, by thrilling chase music. While hiding, steph almost kisses Lucas, apparently turned on by his shameless cowardice. Bridget has bounced back to her pre-baby figure, that is to say, she no longer has a pillow under her shirt. Donna pulls out pom poms and starts chanting about Zeke. Karl, peeping through a window, cracks a boner at this spectacle. Sunny and Zeke argue with each other as to who is more annoying. Philosophers will debate this very question for millenia.

TUES

Bridget leaked milk from her pectorals during class, much to her embarassment and my glee. It turns out that Greg Focker has been vindicated, you can milk a man’s nipples. Sunny tells the class how Zeke saved her from the peril of the hill, and Zeeke, no shit, throws his limp wrists into the air in celebration of his fabulousness.

WED

It turns out that Dan is scared of needles. Susan, meanwhile, seems to have no such reservations and takes one from Karl right in the arse. After Karl had finished pumping her in the rear, Susan complains that he had done it wrong and then starts crying. It seems as though Susan is now an uncontrollable, hormonal, emotional wreck . The neighbours high standard of misogyny continues unabated. Lucas dreams of being a motorbike rider, you know, like he used to be. As i recall, however, he was soundly beaten on his last race by the local high school counsellor. Lucas is also stressing out about how to pay back the money he owes to these ‘gangsters’. The sum in question turns out to be 4 grand. What a bum. I know 20 yr olds working in supermarkets who can pull together that kind of scratch. Steph is still after him, though he remains committed to Elle. With 2 hot chicks after him, apparently sarcastic, penniless, rat-faced, washed up losers are the flavour of the month in Erinsborough.

THU

Bridget believes she can handle having a baby and full time study for medicine at the same time. To rain on her parade, who will be looking after the baby while she’s at uni and her moron of a husband is emptying the bins of the surrounding neighbourhoods? How will they be able to afford anything?

FRI

The convolutions of this episode drove me to breaking point. ERINSBOROUGHS LOCAL FUCKING RAG IS NOT A MAJOR PUBLICATION. Papers of this nature pretty much only exist as a vehicle for the classifieds of local businesses and don’t even conduct serious investigative journalism. Meanwhile, paul is made out to be some kind of media baron a la Rupert Murdoch. Steve tells Mickey to leave Erinsborough, and also lets him know, with barely restrained glee on his face, that he probably won’t see him again. Steve is now my favourite character. Paul later tells Elle that ‘she doesn’t know what sells papers’. Moron, the erinsborough gazette or whatever the fuck it’s called, would be delivered for free to local residents. Toby Mangel, a.k.a Callum, challenges Mickey to a wresting match, but MIckey, being a girl, runs away.

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