Neighbours recap 20th-24th July

by

MON

Following their car accident, Bridget is walking through the bush for some reason, presumably in search of a road and like, cars and people. Anyway, she walks for hours and evidentually falls asleep under a tree. Now, far be it for me to point out gaping plot holes, but if she was in search of a road, why didn’t she simple amble 10 metres away from the crash, where, you know, the car would have driven off a road.  In a -presumably unrelated scene,  Zeke sqeuals with delight as Ringo squeezes his nipples.

TUES

Donna says a prayer on behalf of Bridget and manages to offend everyone’s religious sensibilities with her callous sacrilege. However, bridget awakes alive and well. WHEN WILL SHE JUST DIE! Ok, luckily, she just did. Internal bleeding or something like that. Anyway, this isn’t important, what IS important is the scene which followed, which i will now describe for you:

Bridget, hair and make up done to perfection, or as close as one can come when you’re a woman who looks very much like a man, dressed all in white, is enjoying a picnic in a park with Declan and a baby with hair, which we soon find out is India, one year from now. You see, Bridget is having a dream about being at India’s first birthday. She then realises that ‘it is time to go’ and moves towards a gate in the park that happens to be emitting a strong white light. In what the writers may have described as a ‘homage to cliche’, she moves towards the light and then dies, and with it, the last vestiges of the credibility of this show.

Light-Tunnel

I would be angrier, but hey, Bridget is dead.

WED

At the beginning of this episode, we are ‘treated’ to a montage of dec and didge, like the montages in the ‘Rocky’ series of films, if rocky were written by the lamewads who now write this show. It strikes me that the mortality rate on ramsay st is simply frightening. That, combined with the constant outbreaks of amnesia amongst its citizens, seem to be sufficient reasons for no sensible person to ever want to live there. Some people make some cakes to take their mind off bridget dying and Karl judges by way of a blind taste test, which automatically confers upon him more credibility than any of the masterchef judges.

THU

Steve and Miranda want to move to Oakie and take India with them. Declan agrees to this, renegging on the promise he made to Bridget on her deathbed.

FRI

Elle dresses in overalls in order to ‘get back’ at Lucas. Good one. Zeke offends man and God alike by donning his best leather vest for Didge’s funeral, with matching chaps.

biker_hughesZeke at the funeral, sans masculine facial hair

Anyway, at the funeral, zeke says a speech and starts crying. Not necessarily being one of Bridget’s best friends, I wondered why he was given this responsibility, but then i realised the producers probably asked the cast which of them wouldn’t mind crying like a dandy and losing all dignity – a task which i imagine Zeke then raised a limp, dandy hand in volunteering.

The poeple in the church inexplicably start singing the erinsborough local football team’s song in a completely farcical, slapstick, pie-in-the-face moment.

Steve and miranda leave in a cab, and as miranda sticks her head out the window i am struck by an overwhelming hankering for trout for dinner. What i do like though, is what this scene means: It means that their friends hate them so much that even though Steve and Miranda have just lost their daughter, not one of their ‘friends” was willing to drive them to Oakie, and instead leave them to take a smelly, expensive taxi all the way there. Awesome end to the episode.

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