Archive for August, 2009

Neighbours Recap 24 – 28 August 2009

August 31, 2009


Paul opens the week by continually saying “knewde” instead of “nude” referring to Rebecca getting her cans out on her hens night, which is quite distracting. I hope it was for a bet with the devil and Paul’s leg stump is now a complete leg. It would probably be a simple way of clarifying why Paul never seems to struggle with his amputated leg. Paul and Rebecca make up after their tiff last week so Paul suggests they get married tomorrow on a boat moored at a wharf, Rebecca agrees.

A new day dawns with Paul & Co hilariously having a string of bad luck prior to the wedding. There is coffee spilt on a shirt and bleech on Elle’s dress so she wears a tuxedo.

I don't own two dresses

I don't own two dresses

This is all supposed to rather hilarious when someone reassures Paul that Rebecca will be stressed too. Needless to say, we flash to Rebecca and she is meditating or some shit to demonstrate the witty juxtaposition Neighbours’s editting team bless it’s viewers with regularly.

On the way to the wedding Paul’s car fucks up, which is pretty surprising as it’s a newish Audi. Luckily it breaks down right near Lucas, who happens to be doing some shit in the back ground. Even luckier, I suppose, is Lucas has his car with him which happens to be a $45,000 Nissan Navarra which would surprise anyone familiar with Lucas’s supposed financial difficulties.That storyline is a week old now and he has gone to gamblers annonymous meetings so he is cured. Moving on.

Everyone makes their way down the pier to the wedding location but a taxi ominously arrives in the background. We all know it’s Lyn thanks to the previews which also show her stopping the wedding because she and Paul are still married. Despite stopping the wedding, she still dresses for a wedding.

What a lovely outfit.  Did she steal it from Back to the Future's Doc?

What a lovely outfit. Where's the Delorean, female Doc?

I can hear you thinking through the plot holes this creates. Don’t worry, they are entirely explained over the course of the week. The explanation, however, is shit or non-existent.


Lyn’s outfit continues to be ridiculous even though I’ve had 23.5 hours to digest it. All wedding invitees are now at Charlie’s celebrating the almost wedding. Steph mentions to someone that she told Lyn about the wedding as she felt guilty for going. Lyn arrives to apologise to Rebecca who in turn tells her to fuck off. She asks why on earth she came and Lyn continues to claim it was simply because Paul would’ve otherwise broken the law. Rebecca tells her to fuck off.

Steph and Lyn talk about why Lyn has returned and Lyn says the hair salon is closed and she is basically bankrupt. Wah wah wah. She tried to claim welfare and found out she was still legally married to Paul. This apparently didn’t trigger her to contact Paul and request a divorce as a means to be eligible for welfare. Instead Lyn ignored it until she got the call from Steph telling her about the wedding.

Back at Charlie’s Toady attempts to fill another plot hole. He says something along the lines of “sometimes people ask their lawyer to file for divorce or have their wedding annulled and sometimes the lawyer doesn’t lodge the documents.” Neither Paul nor Lyn hint that Toady should be liable for his ineptitude.

Lyn, still in her parachute outfit, notices some flowers with its roots exposed in her old garden, which happens to now be Rebecca’s garden. She attempts to correct this clearly dire situation and Rebecca comes storming out. They banter back and forth until Rebecca pushes Lyn who continues to look ridiculous. It goes back and forth and they wrestle. It’s pretty gold as it makes Lyn look like a tool in front of her former neighbours.

Paul files divorce papers with Toady again. Lyn demands financial compensation before she signs the divorce papers. They were married for one day and Paul, until recently, had been giving Lyn money. How the fuck does she think she’ll score some coin? Unless Paul is in such a hurry to arrange the wedding that he can’t wait until a court date is set. But surely he would get great satisfaction out of screwing Lyn over. Surely.

The guide dog lady, Lassie and Toady continue to have some awkward relationship. They bike ride and it’s not funny despite Toady being hilarious fat and unfit which would usually be quality material.


The teen girls are organising the deb ball which will be a green deb ball. As in environmental which Donna has to point out each time she says it’s going to be a green deb ball. This doesn’t indicate to her or anyone that perhaps a clearer name might alliviate the confusion. Donna brings up how awesome it’ll be when they dance at the ball. The camera pans in on Sunny who questions the importance of dancing she looks at the ground and opens her mouth slightly, both expressions are supposed to convey a worried look.

Sunny starts a petition to not have the deb ball as it is sexist or some shit. She apparently has 6 pages of signatures, which seems like quite a lot. Perhaps people don’t really want a deb ball at all. Towards the end of the episode she admits to Kate that she “carn’t” dance, nor can she say “can’t”. I slightly lost my attention but Kate calls something “stupid” which might be the storyline or just Sunny. Sunny explains this to Donna and asks to be friends again (Oh yeah Donna told Sunny to fuck off) but Donna again tells her to fuck off.

There’s some pointless crap about Susan being friends with both Lyn and Rebecca. Rebecca tells Lyn to fuck off right out of Ramsey fucking Street. Lyn almost leaves but Steph asks her to stay. Rebecca should just kill both of them.


Sunny asks Kate to teach her how to dance and Kate agrees so long as it’s a secret. Because such a thing should have to be a secret and any person with any form of talent should do their best to keep it a secret because that’s a good way to drag out. It’s also a simple way to introduce a pointless plot for an already established character.

“Kate, when did you learn how to dance?”
“My mum taught me years ago but I don’t dance much because it’s embarrassing.”
“Oh, well that’s a convenient way of introducing a previously unmentioned talent lets use that over and over.”

If you could infer from the above, Kate does some gay dance moves. It’s also a prime opportunity for some cross promotion on Ten.

Kate says “lets bust a move” and Sunny says “is that another way of saying dancing?” Wow, I almost forgot she’s asian. The actor playing Sunny was born in Australia, always lived in Australia and for fucks sake is Australian. But because her parents have a particular nationality the writers set out to be as backwardly racist as the 6:30 timeslot allows.

Kate gives Sunny some new high heels to dance in, which were her mum’s shoes. Sunny is quite appreciative until (-_\\\) emos the fuck out about her wearing high heels. Apparently Sunny has never worn high heels and this is too dangerous for Zeke’s liking. (-_\\\) ends up stealing the high heels only to be caught by Karl parading the heels in his mirror. He returns the heels and everyone kind of looks at him as if he is some kind of freak for behaving the way he has but no one bothers to address it or reprimand him. Perhaps they suspect he’d enjoy being reprimanded.

(-_\\\) is at PirateNet when Karl arrives to kind of monitor Zeke. He proposes they do a Ask Dr Karl segment during (-_\\\)’s set but Zeke is only keen if he doesn’t have to sit in and listen. He sets up the segment, leaves and Dr Karl takes his first call. It’s Harry and he is using a hand towel over the mouth piece of the phone to mask his voice. Honestly. So Karl works out that (-_\\\) has some boring problem and tries to approach (-_\\\) about it. (-_\\\) says everything has been different since the rafting accident.


(-_\\\) and Karl arrive at a river for some white water rafting, a river which is referred to “as the place where it all began” which the viewer can only assume is a euphemism for when (-_\\\) sucks cock and gets basted with jizz. Some rafting gear and raft appears out of nowhere and is never explained suggesting that such items are freely available. Karl is worried that Zeke might get hurt again in the dangerous rapids:

OMG, there's white water.  MUST BE A RAPID!!!!

OMG, there's white water. MUST BE A RAPID!!!!

The guy from the old Solo kayaking ad wouldn't dare attempt these rapids.

The guy from the old Solo kayaking ad wouldn't dare attempt these rapids.

At one point (-_\\\) also has a flashback to the cliff hanger at the end of last year when he almost died after his raft flipped over:

That's intense.  How in heavens did he survive?

That's intense. How in heavens did he survive?

So Karl questions why he wants to do this etc etc and (-_\\\) has a tantrum. It’s quite conflicting for the viewer, in that, it’s awesome seeing the bitch just suck at stuff in general but it also results in screen time for him and there is no suggestion it’ll kill him or result in him leaving the show. So there’s only limited upside really. They do it and get out of the raft. Karl wipes away some residual jizz off Zekes upper lip.

Apparently Ben and Callum don’t get along which is exasperated by them sleeping in the same room since Lucas is crashing at their place. It is pointless filler and they both learn pointless life lessons.

Some new guy is lurking around. He wants to see Donna.