Neighbours recap 10th – 14th August 2009


Neighbours’ guide to ‘Rock Bottom’

The week starts with Lucas jutting his retard head in the door of a Gamblers Annonymous meeting but decides to leave realising he’s only gambled once or twice which couldn’t reasonably be considered a problem. Take note of this moment as it’s particularly important later.

Elle is at Charlie’s talking to her editor or boss or whatever he is. It’s clearly a work related meeting yet they still blab about it in public at a bar no less. Elle wants to run a story about Lucas’s ineptitude as a mechanic and the editor actually comments on her conflict of interest and says he doesn’t want to run the story. I’m pretty sure at one point Elle refers to her story as a “scoop” which I personally think gives her much more credibility. After the editor leaves the bar Elle calls the office and tells whoever it is to run the story claiming the editor has approved it. Elle is later sacked. Hopefully this is the end of the newspaper plot device.

At one point Elle and Declan are talking, I think Elle was consoling Declan or whatever. Declan asks Elle if Lucas had been gambling the whole time they were together. Elle says she can’t answer that because this storyline is so poorly established.

Lucas, knowing he must make amends somehow, walks through the corridor of Lassiters’s hotel calling someone on his mobile. We are blessed with an overture of a ring tone coming from a room. Lucas knocks on the door and Johnno opens up. The camera pans through the hotel room to reveal 3 men of varing backgrounds sitting around a table playing poker. Seriously. Does this guy ever not play poker or do tough things? He’s even adorned with dark clothing. Like a tough guy. Johnno requests his chums leave, which they are apparently willing to do despite gambling for money mid-hand.

Lucas challenges Johnno to a hand of poker with “high stakes” because that’s the kind of lads they are. If Lucas wins then Johnno admits he tampered with the car and therefore up for manslaughter charges. If Johnno wins then Lucas owes him an additional $4,000. Clearly Johnno is an idiot and accepts the bet. Johnno gets a full house and Lucas gets three of a kind or something like that. Anyway, Lucas wins and the cops instantly come marching into the hotel room.

Johnno is let go by the cops. I don’t know why but lets guess that he didn’t keep his end of the bet.

The rest of the week is padded out with Lucas’s demise into the pits of rock bottom. He steals money from his brother. He also hooks up with some chick at Charlie’s Bar and takes her back to his brother’s place, where he is currently staying sleeping on the couch. She doesn’t seem to mind. LIbby kicks her out. Dan kicks Lucas out the next morning.

Lucas asks Steph if he can stay with her and she accepts until later Lucas tries to pash her and she tells him to fuck his fuckface up his arsehole.

Lucas moves into the garage. When Lucas was originally moving in with Elle ages ago he actually owned his own apartment in the city. I’m guessing he isn’t that hard up for cashola.

The end of Thursday’s episode Lucas goes to GA. He talks about how Elle suffocated him as he is a free spirit or some shit. He doesn’t like living in the suburbs because he is a motorbike rider and needs freedom. I’m not sure how they explain the inherent prison like feature of the suburbs but lets assume this all makes sense. Elle overhears this. Elle is a big fan of lurking around corners overhearing conversations.

Friday’s episode and Lucas has come to his senses and is trying to make things right. All because of one GA meeting. If he went to that one in the openning scene of Monday’s episode we wouldn’t have all those letter filled words above recapping pointlessness.

Elle ignores the revised Lucas behaviour and tells him to fuck that fucking shit in the fuck off corner and fuck off. He does. Elle buys the garage and tell Lucas he can’t live there. Transfers of business only take one working day. In Erinsborough.

Recycling of the old “finding the real parents” storyline

This time it’s Donna’s turn. In recent memory this storyline has been used by Bree Timmons and that blind girl, Dr Karl, Didge, Declan and Oliver. Donna post a video blog or vlog on her blog to reach out to anyone who might know who he is. At this stage she only has a name which is Nick.

When Zeke finds out Donna has posted personal information on the net he emos the fuck out and yells at her and storms out of the room. In other news Zeke no longer deserves his name used on this blog and will now be changed to (-_\\\) which is apparently the verticon for emo. Later on Karl talks to Donna about his experience finding his real father. That’s the convenient thing about recurring storylines. An experience character can talk about what happened to them and fill up some screen time.

Someone responds to Donna’s vlog claiming to be Nick. (-_\\\) deletes it. But it could’ve been Donna’s real father! Dun dun dah. I’m not going to point out the probability of that being the case. But lets say it’s not probable. There I did it. I finally found a plot hole in Neighbours.

Oh yeah and (-_\\\) wore this one day.

(-_\\\),  I can't believe my humour has lowered itself to emoticons.  Fuck you (-_\\\).

(-_\\\), I can't believe my humour has lowered itself to emoticons. Fuck you (-_\\\).

Declan outwits local poker underworld king, or did he?


Some shit happens. Declan records Johnno admiting he did it. Turns out Paul paid him to say it and also promised to provide him the best legal advice. This apparently means Tim Collins. Paul offers Tim Collins double his usual rate to ensure Johnno rots in jail. I’ve never seen Tim Collins win a legal battle so it’s not entirely clear why he needs additional financial incentive to fail.

The teen posse also plant a tree in Didge’s memory. Kind of like what one might plant on the backyard grave of a childhood pet. On the plus side, I’m pretty sure every death cliche has now been exhauseted. Although I’m probably wrong.

Ramsey St defies all laws of attraction between sexes

Toady’s new love interest is introduced.

I'm hot.  In a plain way.

I'm hot. In a plain way.

Her name is Sonya. But as she was introduced as the guidedog lady, I’m going to call her Lassie. Mainly because I didn’t catch her name for a while and I thought of Lassie and decided that material was funny enough to include here. Let us all enjoy that typed out thought process.

This is Toady:

Here, Lassie.  Good girl.

Here, Lassie. Good girl.

And that’s that.


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