Neighbours recap 17th-21st August

by

MON

Rebecca has a new hairstyle and looks ridiculous. Paul asks toadie to be his best man but then, before toadie has time to consider the offer, Paul reveals that he was just joking. Awesome prank, Paul.

Lucas is poor, in fact, penniless, but still eats at the pub instead of two minute noodles or a can of corn. It is revealed he has been granted a tab at the pub. It transpires that the pub is being run by the same people who caused the GFC, being, as he is, a  sub-prime credit consideration.

TUE

Elle says, ominously, that Lucas is going to ‘get a kick’ out of some gambling event she has staged. This leads me to believe that she is going to hire someone to kick him, hopefully when he’s down.

Dan walks in on Libby and Ben in bed together. Bleary eyed, ben and libby morph into a single underaged female entity in front of his eyes. This turns him on enormously (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brett_Tucker).

Lucas is now living in Ben’s bedroom. He has no money or friends and is living in his brother’s wife’s son’s bedroom. What a stud. He also clearly has no pride. Why hasn’t he killed himself yet? That is one neighbours storyline that might make a modicum of sense.

Despite elle treating Lucas like the shit that he is, Lucas grovels pathetically and says that all of their problems are his fault, emasculating him.

WED

Lucas undergoes a meeting of Gamblers Anonymous. As this meeting wa filmed as a montage, i assume that Lucas is now cured. Declan goes away on holiday and leaves India with Zeke, his maternal instincts making him the standout candidate. To prove to Elle that he has changed, Lucas sells his bike, and with it, his testicles. His testicles, however, are small and atrophied from disuse and so are not worth much.

The concierge or someone at the hotel Declan and Ringo are staying is convinced that they are gay, probably because of their affiliation with Zeke. Ringo takes offence at this and so, in an immediate show of heterosexuality, throws his clothes off and tosses on a bathrobe to make himself ‘more comfortable’

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Zeke, walking India’s pram, stops to admire someone’s pink lawn decorations and lets go of the pram, sending it careening out of control away from him. It rolls down the hill and straight into the path of oncoming traffic. This scene literally had me in paroxysms of delight, until it it was revealed that it was just one of Zeke’s fancy dreams. I hate this show.

THU

Declan finally opens a present which didge had left for him before she died. It is a diary, in which declan can keep a record of his emotions.  It appears that she has confused him with Zeke.

The ratings for the simpsons must be flagging and needing cross-promotion, as Rebecca has just managed to be compared to (in two unrelated scenes, no less) Marge Simpson and Krusty the Klown.

FRI

Elle is the best man at Paul’s wedding. What a loser.

Paul reads his vows to Rebecca.They are crappy vows. It must be that writing ability that led to him becoming a neighbourhood media baron.

It turns out the vows are the same ones that he used for Lyn Scully, plagiarising himself. It must be this integrity that led to him becoming a neighbourhood media baron.

Paul understands women and so tells Rebecca this.  She is predictably pissed off. It must be this judgement and discretion that led to him becoming a neighbourhood media baron.

The erinsborough ladies have organised a nude man for Rebecca’s hens night, whos he enthusiastically ogles. The ladies then get carried away and giggle when Elle says she’ll get some ‘nuts’. Honest.

Rebecca gets into the fun of things and throws her clothes off. Paul bursts in abruptly and stares at her decrepid, hanging labia and, transfixed, accounces that he needs to go get his car fixed- specifically, the ‘mudflaps’, which ‘need repair’. They all giggle. Rebecca then makes the rest of the people in attendance swear never to speak of this again, reminding them all that ‘loose lips sink ships’. They all giggle. Somewhere, a ship sinks.

Paul, now furious that Rebecca got the last laugh, throws his jacket at her, informing her that he won’t marry someone that makes a fool out of him. The screen goes blank momentarily, signalling the end of the episode. A split second later, the promos for next week show Paul and Rebecca at their wedding. Terrific friday cliffhanger neighbours writers, that was a nervy .3 of a second.

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