Archive for September, 2009

Neighbours Recap 21 – 26 September 2009

September 25, 2009

Dearest Reader,

To get the full effect of the boredom that was this week I strongly urge you to read each word from now on in a mono-tone inner voice. Go on try it. Same tone and same speed between words. Imagine you have a pendulum in your head. tick…..tick…..tick


Lyn has taken to owning Harold’s Store like crabs take to her vagina. There are amazingly inventive deals like buy one get one free so the consumers are lapping it up. Rebecca realises that her new competition is stealing business from Charlie’s so she does the same thing. It’s a win for free market economics and the consumer after last weeks kick in the junk.

Unfortunately early expenses are eating up Lyn’s capital so she is asset rich and cash poor. She’d fail miserably at Monopoly – kind of like how she fails at life. She has bought a one page spread in the local rag to advertise.

There is back and forth competition between Lyn and Rebecca until Lyn gives Rebecca an invoice for milk with the rates dramatically increased. Rebecca has two options:

1. laugh and order her milk direct from the milk company and cut out the middle man.
2. stand at the counter like a half-baked retard unable to comprehend a simple business decision then storm out.

Yep, she choose the latter. tick…..tick…..tick

Steph is unhappy with what Lyn is doing and tells her to make everything happy campers again. Lyn complies and makes peace with Rebecca.

Now Kate is run off her feet working for Lyn and is apparently bound by a one year contract to work at Harold’s. Fuck knows how that makes sense. Kate comments on how Lyn is struggling for cash. I hope Kate sees the irony of her situation and how Apollo would’ve at least given her discount blinds.

At various stages Lyn is caught eavesdropping on conversations in Harold’s. Kate comments on this passingly and Paul overhears. Paul offers Lyn a gig as the gossip columnist in the local rag as a means to pay off the advertising bill. Apparently the advertising bill is the equivalent to 3 months work at the newspaper. Either advertising in the local rag is a rip off or Paul is breaching labour laws. Either way it’s a convenient way to write Lyn out of the show in 3 months time when the actors contract expires.

Donna’s interest in fashion has now emerged as a storyline and is entirely uninteresting. Apparently amish is in.

Time to raise a barn?

Time to raise a barn?

Donna finds some flyer about some designer having a show somewhere. She’s keen to check it out or something.


Steph is apparently still interested in Lucas so she avoids him. Lucas eventually convinces her he just wants to be friends and he eventually opens up to her about his feelings for Elle. Steph tells Lucas to go and tell Elle how he feels. He finds Elle with that intent, but is discouraged when Elle says something. I can’t count the number of times they’ve almost reconciled. tick…..tick…..tick

Toady and Sonya have a date but Toady burns the dinner. Sonya predictably orders pizza. She really is Toady’s perfect girl. tick…..tick…..tick

What a shit-filled episode.

Donna or Doner Kebab as she’ll now be known (yes, I am the wittiest in the land) is trying to get into the fashion show with limited success. She eventually has the opportunity to talk to the fashion designer through some convoluted means. She comments on how she turned a scarf into a belt to make her outfit.

Later she manages to get into the fashion show, again through some convoluted manner, but to her dismay one of the models is wearing a scarf as a belt. Doner Kebab is outraged that her “idea” has been “stolen.” It’s so original that when one types in belt scarf it returns no results. tick…..tick…..tick


Elle asks Lucas to stay back and teach her how to change oil and other reasonably simple tasks. He does for a bit until he confronts her about why she is hanging around. He is concerned that she is conspiring against him again. She confirms she wants to get back together. The argue and then make-out. They attempt to have a “passionate embrace”, but it’s more or less two actors kissing. Sorry, two bad actors kissing.

Donna confronts the designer and requests work experience. The designer declines. Donna again requests. The designer accepts. tick…..tick…..tick

Harry doesn’t like this Robin character, particularly his annoying habit of being around. Robin seems to be keen on Sunny and they have a chat about her background. She comments that she didn’t understand a lot of what people were saying when she first arrived, despite her perfect Australian accent. Well perfect, but for her inability to say “can’t” without reverting to a faux American accent.

This Robin character is difficult to pick. He is trying to be friends with people by giving them things and he doesn’t live on the street so I guess there’s a 90% chance he is evil. It’s just that the guy is such a shit actor it’s hard to tell if he is trying to be creepy or he just can’t act.


Basically Robin is a stalker. He is keen on Sunny. Zeke eventually works out Robin is keen on Sunny. No one else realises. Because they are stupid.

See that’s seriously one of the biggest problems with Neighbours. The writers develop these overly convoluted scripts or storylines which leave massive plot holes. To skim over these plot holes they make certain characters do or say dumb things to drag out the storyline. It’s very poorly put together. Like this Robin is clearly a knob but everyone ignores it. It basically makes the viewer hate every single character because the characters do completely unreasonable things. They really need to stop tacking on storylines at the last minute. There are obviously some exceptions like when a character wants to leave and they don’t have an amazing amount of time to resolve plots. For example:

Libby comes back from being with Dan in NZ. Dan is staying there to look after Sam, but is now going to stay there an extra week. Dan is leaving the show. But Dan is also involved in another forgotten storyline, having his wife’s mum carry his child. tick…..tick…..tick

As far as I can tell, Toady’s character is entirely based on a fat gay guy or fat lesbian. It’s hard to tell. I think it’s something to do with the vests he wears.


Paul requests the hot gossip from Lyn and she notes the following:

– Toady has a date with Sonya.
– Kate is learning to dance or something.
– Something else retarded.

Paul dismisses all of these as pointless.

It’s really quite hilarious as the writers are basically having a dig at the shitness of the show.

I don’t know why Paul doesn’t get the gossip from Rebecca since she owns the pub. I’d say more people say revealing things when they are drunk. But who cares.

On Harry’s advice Zeke tries to play Robin at his own game. He is overly nice to Robin so Robin locks him in a closet at the radio station. Unfortunately what took me two sentences took about 78% of the episode.