Neighbours Recap 7 – 12 September 2009



Toady appears to be oddly obsessed with Lassie, a girl he met two weeks ago, which makes him hate Lucas. All because Lucas cannot tell Toady how he knows Lassie due to the pledge of anonymity he made at Gamblers Anonymous – she is a recovering addict and Lucas’s sponser. In truth the concept behind the script isn’t implausible, but the manner in which the characters behave is ridiculous.

Toady refuses to talk to or be in the same room as Lucas all because Lucas has had conversations and coffee (we know from last week that coffee means slippery vagina) with Lassie and won’t tell Toady exactly how he knows her. Perhaps the viewer is expected to empathise with Toady’s desperation over a girl he knows nothing about. Maybe Toady could simply ask Lassie how she knows Lucas. Just maybe.

Fortunately Lucas has a chance to talk to Lassie and tell her to clear everything up. Nup, the writers chose to have Elle and Toady walk in, look at the two talkers, and leave. There is no actual dialogue between Lucas and Lassie, so the storyline drags on.

Lassie, how'd you get a gambling addiction?

Lassie, how'd you get a gambling addiction?


Elle notices that $4,000 is missing from her account which she assumes is a bank error despite Donna asking for $4,000 the day before. This wasn’t just a one-off question Donna spent the entire Friday episode trying to raise $4,000. Something tells me Elle wouldn’t be great at the old Fisher Price toy:

Hmmm, can’t quite see the connection between the pegs and the holes.

Hmmm, can’t quite see the connection between the pegs and the holes.

Elle later explains how she worked out Donna transferred the money. Unfortunately, it wasn’t her genius investigative journalism or a front page story in the newspaper, but the police telling her the money was transferred on her laptop to James Linden or whatever the faux brother’s name is.

Elle meanders into Charlie’s and finds James, because where else would he be? The General Store? No, there have already been too many scenes shot there today. She enquires about the money and James plays dumb, Elle narrows her eyes so the viewer knows she suspects foul play. She leaves without requesting the money back James comes into the coffee shop and finds Elle and Donna talking, he gives back the money. It’s in cash for some unclear reason. Later he says he’ll pay for the whole DNA testing thing.

Harry is staying out all night which results in him wagging school to stay home and sleep all day. He refuses to tell anyone why he is out all night, which causes Kate to investigate. It’s all uninteresting as anyone can tell he is working as a rent boy.

Lou's away so business is slow

Lou's away so business is slow


Declan finds Harry sleeping in the chicken coup so he takes advantage of the situation and draws a dick on his cheek directed at his mouth.

*Get picture of Harry and add dick to cheek*

Declan notices some bruising on Harry’s wrist which Harry passes off as “fisting arse”. Kate and Declan find money under Harry’s bed but Harry again refuses to explain how many All Americans he has to perform for all that cash. (credit to dinnerdog on that one)

Kate and Declan are surprised to find out Harry has been taking multiple loads at once just so he can pay for Kate’s dancing lessons. It’s not that surprising, as we soon see why he is so keen:

Token gay guy in scarf

Token gay guy in scarf

As they are leaving the dance hall Jason Coleman appears in front of them and just as he walks into some room he stops and nods at Kate.

Token gay guy in vest

Token gay guy in vest

Yeh, that’s Jason Coleman in the picture. Yeh, I saved you the hassle of google imaging “Jason Coleman”.

The previews of Lilly Allen’s cameo showed her saying “I have something to ask you” and then it shows Sunny’s face in either a confused or shocked expression, it’s hard to tell as they are both the same. Basically her mouth is slightly open.

So Lilly’s supposedly shocking question is to ask Karl if his wife knows he listens to her music and he responds explaining he is a musician. We are then blessed with Sunny’s face in either a confused or shocked expression for no obvious reason. Lilly does a song and leaves.

Zeke has asked Karl to come with him on set at Pirate Net and do his Dr Karl bit. Turns out Zeke doesn’t like working with Dr Karl, which is fair enough as Dr Karl is talking about tinea which isn’t massively entertaining. Despite this, the radio manager believes Dr Karl rocks and will help:

My unique style gives this generic gesture credibility

My unique style gives this generic gesture credibility

So Dr Karl and Lost Boy shall share an extended radio segment forever more.

Wednesday & Thursday

Turns out both episodes are padded out with boring fluff we might as well do a padded fluff combo meal deal.

Zeke talks to Sunny about how he doesn’t really want to work with Karl on his radio station. Fortunately the writers aren’t condescending wank stains, but if they were they’d have Karl be really enthusiastic about being on the radio and spending time with Zeke which would make Zeke feel guilty and drag out the storyline.

Later at PirateNet, Karl commandeers the radio show, which is pretty boring and Zeke walks off set. Karl decides to play one of his famed acoustic specials and is sacked as a result. PirateNet prides itself on its credibility so announcers cannot play their own music.

Karl goes home and listens to PirateNet on his laptop whilst Zeke encourages callers to get Karl back on-air. Sunny joins Zeke on set and talks to him whilst a song plays over the radio. Unfortunately Sunny had a couple of shots of heroin which made her arm numb so she didn’t notice the fact she’d moved the knobs so they are on-air. Sunny calls Zeke “two headed” and Zeke asks if she is referring to his dildo.

Zeke apologises to Karl for not wanting to work with him and the pointlessness has gone perfect circle. Or has it? No. See, the radio manager walks in and tells Zeke that she had heaps of calls about the back and forth talking (read: conversation) between Zeke and Sunny and the audience wants more. Sunny shall be called Found Girl.

The garage continues to struggle to turn a profit but Elle is confident of turning things around as a big contract has come up for tender. She tells Steph about it, but conveniently doesn’t tell her anything about the contract. An old man named Hotrod arrives at the garage and basically dismisses Steph due to her gender. This goes on in a number of ways until Steph cracks and tells him he can go stuff it.

Turns out Hotrod is the big client and Steph has to try and win him over to “re-gain” the contract. We go around in circles about girl power and I guess it’s a dig at the penis oriented work being a mechanic. At one stage they even bother to use the three pre-teens as plot devices. They are running around the couch when Callum says Ben runs like a girl. Libby and Steph get all vaginal and point out how rude it was of Callum. Ben swans out of the room.

Using the power of “Girl” often referred to as “Girl Power”, Steph completes an impossible task of servicing and detailing 20 cars in 4 hours with the help of some females. They win the contract “back”. The plot must have been too confusing at the beginning because at no point did they ever actually have the contract. Ahh, pedantics.

Elle gets a response letter from a job application with the NY News. They want to have an interview with her in NY. I’m satisfied that a foreign newspaper would consider Elle skilled enough. There is no weakness in this storyline.

OMFG, Drastical hasn’t shown up to play at Charlie’s. They don’t even have Rachel OR Ty to fill in. Also, James leaves.


I’m not sure why I’ve decided to give Friday it’s own section in this recap, but fuck it, it’s worth separately noting how shit-filled it was.

So James has:
– Stolen money from Rebecca which was supposed to be used to get Drastical to play at Charlie’s.
– Stolen every last penny Elle owns, which was apparently entirely invested in one bank account despite her various private equity investments and supposed business savvy.
– Falsified DNA test results. Did Donna get any tests done for her DNA? Even just a swabbing in her mouth or anything? I’m guessing that would be done at some kind of clinic. If it wasn’t, perhaps that might’ve been a hint.

Wait, it’s not worth pointing out plot holes. This could be a blessing in disguise as the writers will no longer be able to use Elle wealth as a plot device to sort out what would otherwise be unfeasible storylines. Like buying the garage to get back at Lucas.

No less than twice in one episode the writers use the old “no you tell me your thing first” trick to drag out a storyline. First Donna comes up to Elle, they both have something to say and Elle asks Donna to go first. It is clear to the audience that this is inconvenient for plot resolution but handy for the old drag. Donna apologises to Elle for everything that happened with James Linden and then thanks Elle for being her real family. This makes Elle feel guitly for wanting to go to New York so she pretends she had nothing to say.

Donna is cleaning the house and finds a copy of the NY News email confirming the job interview with ELle so she rushes to find Elle. Meantime, Elle has just found out James has taken all of her money. Donna finds Elle and is about to tell her to go to NY, but Elle interupts her and blames her for all her money disappearing.

Donna runs away.


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