Neighbours Recap 5 – 9 October 2009

by

Monday

The episode is dominated by Plain Jane and Donna’s career opportunities. Plain Jane’s dreams of being a dancer hinge on how much cross promotion Channel 10 is willing to force feed its viewers. Donna is learning lessons about the fashion world if they were taught by some cliche spitting machine.

A creative conflict is devised in which Plain Jane’s little sister, Sophie, has an award presentation at the same time Plainy would be having her dance audition. Sophie’s award is a book writing award given by her primary school. Despite the fact that no actual conflict exists, Plainy decides to cancel her audition so she can be there to see her younger sister given an award. Presumably a participation award. Plainy doesn’t tell anyone and the entire beginning of the episode is pretty much a montage of people being heaps proud of her for following her dreams. Naturally she feels like a cocksucker for bailing. At one point the teen posse pretend to be the judges of So You Think You Can Dance with Zeke cast as the gay hat wearing queer.

Zeke is shitting gay out of his arse right now

Zeke is shitting gay out of his arse right now

Some shit happens and Kate goes to her audition but she isn’t committed enough or something and is told she didn’t make the cut. If Plain Jane could act and afforded the viewer the satisfaction of her dreams being crushed it would’ve been good. Instead she does what Plainy always does

Looking in the distance doesn't detract from the plainness, Jane.

Looking in the distance doesn't detract from the plainness, Jane.

Donna’s boss, Saffron, who is supposed to be some fashion industry big shot finds out her work experience girl has given up. For some unknown reason Saffron finds Donna at Donna’s school and demands a meeting after school at Charlie’s. Despite every cliche generated about the fashion industry they still eat at some shit house suburban bar/club thing. Anyway, Saffron offers Donna a part-time contract, but Donna admits she stole some design off the internet. At this point I wasn’t sure what she meant, but assume it was her “skelt” – using a scarf as a belt, which she claimed as her great idea earlier. Saffron tears up the contract and does a wooden wah wah. Donna turns the tables claiming that Saffron stole her skelt idea – Ok, I missed something. Donna is back doing unpaid work experience.

Tuesday

In the aftermath of Plain Jane hilariously getting her dreams crushed by a gay man, she reverts to the generic Neighbours character reaction to adversity – she gets surly. For other examples of this please refer to Lucas’s gambling storyline and Declan just after Didge died. She blames Harry and Sophie and even acuses Sophie of slowly becoming more manly.

It seems to me that the Neighbours writers have no recollection of how work experience works in real life. Or perhaps they are so fucking retarded that they actually think the head of a company would give a shit about some work experience girl. Actually maybe that’s right, as it wouldn’t fucking surprise me to learn that they’d give some work experience kid a green light to write the scripts for the last fucking 3 years.

So Saffron is demanding a lot from Donna, this is achieved by Saffron continuously saying “do you want to make it in this industry?” Donna grudglingly complies whilst Saffron makes an unusal jib at the fashion industry by suggesting she lives on pretzels and coffee – neither of which would be helpful if she wants to maintain a fashionable skeletal figure.

Due to Plain Jane’s surliness, Harry and Sophie go over to Paul and Rebecca’s house for dinner. They talk to Declan about Kate’s surliness. Declan talks to Kate about her surliness and not giving up on her dream of being a dancer, just like he didn’t give up on his dream of being a football player. Wait. Just let it go. She gets surly and tells him to fuck off.

Next morning there is a knock on the Robinson family home and Declan answers it. Now, I wish I had some IT style skills to include the sound bite of Zeke saying “surprise!” when the door is answered. He would honestly struggle to be any more of a retard.

As the teens all get ready for school, Donna prepares to go to work experience with Saffron. This means she is going to wag school. Everyone is shocked. Ringo even comments “You’ll get busted. It always happens.” He excluded the part about being in the newspaper because Elle is away. Later at school, Rebecca appears with left over sandwiches from a cancelled corporate function. She conveniently asks to see Donna but Ringo and Declan cover for her.

The whole episode kind of builds up to Declan asking Donna to talk to Plain Jane. Donna has to decide between her career and talking to he friend who is acting like a tool. Donna talks to Plain Jane who admits she hates being her. She should just end it.

Plain Jane apologises to Harry and Sophie and explains that she doesn’t want to dance anymore. This makes Harry surly. Basically the actors on Ramsey St have a range from vacant to surly.

Hi, I'm Surly.  I'm around when something doesn't go my way.

Hi, I'm Surly. I'm around when something doesn't go my way.

And I'm Vacant.  I'm pretty much 90% of this show

And I'm Vacant. I'm pretty much 90% of this show

Rebecca somehow finds out Donna ditched school for her work experience and tasks Paul with handling the matter. Paul demands Donna attend school so long as she lives under his roof. She moves out.

Wednesday and Thursday

Everyone decides it’s Paul’s fault Donna has moved out. Rebecca demands he get her to come back. Paul tries. Donna says no. Repeat 3 times and Donna says yes.

The writers have established the Dan is a dickhead and will have to leave the show storyline. It involves him lending his ex-wife $12k because she isn’t coping with her existing credit obligations to the bank. Libby, Dan’s current bitch, has set the wheels in motion to buy Steph’s old house only to find out the savings have been lent to Dan’s ex-wife. Dan is evil and therefore must wear black:

Exterminate!

Exterminate!

Or pink:

Dan looks forward to a career in gay porn

Dan looks forward to a career in gay porn

Libby and Dan resolve their problems and ask Libby’s parents to loan them the deposit amount. Karl and Susan agree. Sam, Dan’s ex continues to call and seek Dan’s help. He answers the calls putting pressure on Dan and Libby’s relationship. They have an argument so Libby runs to Karl and Susan. Susan takes it upon herself to yell at Dan. He tells her to fuck off and tells Libby he doesn’t want to borrow money off Karl and Susan.

The General Store is struggling because Lyn sucks. Lou returns wearing an “I love NY” t-shirt – thanks, wardrobe department, you subtle fucks. Lyn sacks Lou from the General Store so Lou gets a gig at Charlie’s.

Friday

To ensure the Green Deb is a green deb, Plain Jane organises people to ride on bicycles for a couple of hours to generate electricity. We later see this contraption:

Metal - Carbon Neutral

It’s safe to assume that making and moving this machine would effectively eliminate the carbon credits achieved by riding on the gay little bikes.

Some chick that hates Plain Jane posts a video of Kate being rejected from dance school on some blog. It hilariously includes a voice-over and everyone says “wah wah” to Plain Jane. This was pretty good. Plain Jane overcomes the ‘adversity’ with a plain speech. Yawn.

Lyn is going to sell Harold’s to Appolo’s unless Lou can get some money together.

Dan and Libby…. Blah….. Blah….. Blah

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