Neighbours Recap October 12th-16th



After Kate’s Friday theatrics, she gets the bike’s storage unit thing working, miraculously. I can’t believe that people actually seem interested in making the deb carbon neutral. In real life, high school students asked to pedal on an exercise bike for 4 hours in a bid to make the deb ‘green’ would likely respond with an emphatic ‘fuck you’. In fact, the only people who would care are hippies. And hippies, as we all know, are lazy.


 Furthermore, I did some rough calculations based on the amount of wattage people pedalling could generate versus the amount an event the size of a deb would require, and it turns out that their frantic exercising might just cover the electricity needed to power the lights. But nothing more.

Paul finds out that Rebecca is secretly helping Harold’s to stay afloat. Paul gives in to Rebecca because ‘he’s a sucker for the most beautiful girl in the world.’ I don’t know why Paul never sued the hospital for amputating his genitals along with his leg.



Saffron’s  show bombs, with a random asian dude telling her that the show was ‘derivative and  uninspired.’ He has  fashion credibility though, because he delivers this slur with a homosexual inflection.

Kyle dumps Sarah as his deb date. I know this seems like a completely meaningless story arc involving two complete random non-recurring characters, but i’m sure this event will wind up having a massive, significant effect on ramsay st.

Donna quits, Saffron slaps her. I can tell this is supposed to be an intense, important moment due to the ominous music playing in the background.


Elle maxed out her credit card after a week in NY. She realises this as she checks her bank balance  while sitting in Harold’s in a K-mart sweater, drinking one of Lyn’s signature instant coffee blends. I can see how she spent so much money given, you know, her expensive tastes.

Lucas teaches Elle how to budget. After taking financial advice from a problem gambler, Elle leaves to go take an ethics lecture from.. I don’t know.. let’s say, Hitler.

Someone in the props department realised that the ‘snack  jacket’, used from last week’s ‘Rebecca smuggles food from Charlie’s to Harold’s to help Lyn’ storyline is still lying around. So it is used to make Toadie look like a particularly industrious paedophile, with one swift motion able to satisfy both his aims of revealing himself to children while distracting and enticing them with candied treats.

toadie jacket


That hot girl, Amanda, convinces Harry to smuggle some booze into the deb for them, which of course conflicts with the moral code of everyone on ramsay st.

To achieve his mission, Harry asks Declan to buy booze, who tells him to ‘Forget it!’, acting offended that he’d even asked. What a dickhead wowser. All of the ramsay st residents are fucking nerds.

To get booze, Harry goes to Charlies. If, upon reading this you say aloud: “what, Charlies? You mean the place where everyone that works there knows him and is aware he is underage?”, then you would understand the problem with his retarded plan.  To make it seem marginally less retarded for the first couple of seconds of the plan, a random extra is stuck behind the bar. Before he can order though, he is thwarted by Lou.

Zeke just came out of the closet. After showing one of his formal blouses to Declan- who did, in fact, call it a ‘chick’s blouse’, Zeke pleads with Declan not to tell the girls that he had spent all afternoon in front of the mirror trying out his formal ensembles. Declan looks disgusted and leaves.

zeke closet 1

Finally Harry does what he should have done all along- get a random dude to go inside Charlies and buy booze for him. A plan which would have worked if Harry didn’t decide to wait for the guy INSIDE THE PUB , where he is of course spotted and tossed out.

 harry retard


 Dan gathers the students and delivers a sermon on how alcohol will be forbidden from the deb, and that anyone will brings alcohol into the deb will be in serious trouble. His careful phrasing of the conditions leaves the massive loophole any student would  be quick to exploit- simply get drunk before the deb, at the pre’s- like every other high school student throughout the course of history. Of course, no one here will, because the pre’s is a concept no one at erinsborough high seems to be aware of.

Callum gets bullied. Callum. The only person on the show who isn’t retarded. And yet Zeke continues to prance the school halls without fear of reprisal.

Declan gets caught with alcohol in his locker and is left to consider that if he hadn’t acted like such an arsehole to begin with, that would never have happened

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