Archive for January, 2010

Neighbours Recap 25th – 29th January 2010

January 30, 2010

Zeke joins PETA

The writers consider what could possibly make me hate Zeke more than I already do.

I just don't know where to start

They settle for making him a hippy. I would’ve voted for politician, but I suppose Steph has already climbed that hurdle – is she still a local counsillor?

Zeke and Mia walk out of Zeke’s room, Mia is wearing a t-shirt and boxers, so pretty much like a tomboy.

That's quite a bucky screenshot

Apparently Zeke really likes her “look”, he then closes his eyes and imagines Mia with a strap-on.

Ouch! Insert it slowly. We need lube.

Cue the mission impossible soundtrack, because these two kids are going to raid some animal testing facility. For some reason Zeke is going to be the technology guy, which seems odd as every comment Mia makes suggests this animal protection initiative to be rather well organised. Somehow Zeke has security footage of the testing facility, so he is going to suggest the best way around the security.

They meet up with other people and jump over some fence. The hippies arrives at some security door and swipe some security card to the famous backtrack of James Bond whenever he has a Bondesque moment – Wait, no. It fails. Let me retract the Bond music. Zeke grabs out his laptop to override the security, since he is the technology guy after all. I always kind of thought the techology guy sits in a van across the road, but I guess these people are just small children. The alarm sounds and everyone bails, Zeke is last as he packs up his laptop – techology guys never leave techology behind. That’s the rules.

Everyone makes it through a closing gate except Zeke, who calls out to Mia. Mia turns around and apologises and runs away. Zeke stands helpless, as the fence has a sign on it.

Can't climb the fence? However shall I escape?

He is caught by security guards who proceed to bash the living cheezels out of him. Or at least we all wish that happened. Now down at the police station, Zeke has been arrested and shall face childrens court for trespassing as he is 17. Basically his crime is petty and he’ll get off with a wrist slap.

When he gets home Susan basically does my job and points out how stupid Zeke is, has been and forever will be. It’s pretty well played. She asks how Zeke knows that the animal testing isn’t for science. Which leads me to wonder how hippies determine what animal testing is ok and what isn’t. Then I stop caring. Hopefully this storyline leads to some relevant and realistic hippy activism.

Get him in the face, ya dickhead.

A Love Triangle – written by A Small Child

Donna is conflicted by her new found pashion for Ellen, which will be drawn out in the laziest and most tiresome manner possible.

It starts with Donna daydreaming, which is an odd flash back to the 30s or something. Basically Ringo is depicted as tired, reliable and boring, whereas Ellen is an exciting bad boy. This same message is conveyed about a kajillion times through the week and even in one episode Ellen comments to Donna that Ringo is more of a pizza and beer whereas Donna is champagne and caviar. Later that episode, Donna finds out her shrugalero has somehow been successful so Ringo suggests they celebrate with, wait for it, pizza. Who’d have thunk? Oh, Ringo you are so predictable, or at least your newfound character traits are.

The retardedness is compounded when Donna looks up at Andrew drinking a cup of orange juice. Sparkling background music plays, I think this is meant to be some kind of dream sequence too, but it’s just shit.

Maybe she just really likes orange juice

Orange juice, you say, well how's about a tall drink of OJ?

So Donna and Ellen sleep together, but Donna has inadvertantly recorded it on her webcam. Ellen, wakes up, notices the webcam and decides to copy it to his USB stick, for archival reasons obviously. Nothing suss.

How to shoehorn an old bully onto the show to create a love triangle

Step 1

Create a tenous reason for the old school bully to be on the show even though he has now left school. In the example material provided, we have Kyle, now notice how he is talking to Rebecca about getting a job at the pub. Now that was nice and simple wasn’t it. Notice that Rebecca doesn’t offer him a job, well that’s because he won’t be around for much longer.

Step 2

Now the character is on the show, WITH a credible reason to be there, get him to talk to the girl he had no interest in at school. So Kyle talks to Kate and eventually asks her out, which she politely declines given his track record as Cunning Kyle.

Step 3

To complete the triange, make sure the former flame is lurking in the background and clearly unhappy. Despite the clear inability to describe Declan and Kate former romance as a flame, it’s close enough, so we can use this to drag out the storyline. If the former flame is male, make him act surly, like a primate.

I know this is Zeke. But he is just so monkeyish

This surly behaviour will lead to the female reverting to the new male and accept his advances.

Step 4

Have the date at the only possible location – Charlie’s. Given the convenient location, we can only expect:

In Neighbours land, a couple of pushes constitutes a fight

Step 5

The girl should now be outraged and disgusted that two males would fight for her affections. She must take the high ground and leave.

Step 6

Both males apologise

Step 7

Repeat previous steps until timeslot is filled for a week or longer if desired.

Other pointless tripe

Lou has to leave the Ramsey’s to look after his daughter, Lolly. Now since Lou has only recently taken guardianship of the Ramsey kids, he considers the most appropriate way to manage his guardian responsibilities. Naturally he decides not to inform the DHS, and skips along on his merry way. The DHS representative does the old pop-in and requests a chat with Lou. The Ramsey kids make up a bunch of excuses and are ultimately found out. The DHS doesn’t actually care. The viewer sits in agony as a needlessly convoluted plot is rammed down its throat.

Callum and Sophie are now in high school. Callum is immediately bullied, because that’s just what happens at school. Bullies are what happens. To everyone. So Sophie asks Harry to help out, which seems odd since he is bullied by kids in his own year. Somehow it works and now Callum is friends with the bully. Sophie is ditched and she doesn’t like it, although she does like finally having speaking lines.

Paul and Lyn have some pointless competition, which Lyn uses to make Rebecca somehow jealous. Because a love triangle seems like a good idea. Everyone is doing it.

Finally, Lucas is up and walking, his recovery has been remarkable. Remarkably in the sense that we don’t have to watch him pretend to work out. Good news is that Steph and Toady are away together and when they return they are back in love. Lucas will, no doubt, pull a stupid looking face to demonstrate his anguish. Perhaps he’ll be surly, but really we can only hope.