Neighbours Recap 11 – 15 January 2010

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So we’re back in action after the summer break. We pick up this week following a number, no wait, nothing really happened at the end of last year. Pretty much just Dan leaving and Donna’s lesbian partner arriving on the street as Paul’s other long lost son. So fuck the background let’s get this whip crackin’.

Monday

Andrew Robinson’s physical similarities to Ellen De Genreres mean he’ll be referred to as Ellen henceforth.

Andrew's whole career is dependent on his sexual orientation

Ellen begins the new season parading around in a fluorescent green singlet kind of like those tard teens at music festivals. Rebecca finds his outfit a bit peppermint for first thing in the morning so de-gays him with a kimono, somehow.

Libby is going to move in with Steph and Lyn. Interestingly Lyn’s hideous son, Oscar, is going to return.

Similar to Oscar, except Oscar's eye's are more like a hammerhead shark

Lucas is now in hospital, he might be paralysed or something. So he wakes up by repeatedly saying Steph’s name and then becomes surly. Steph for no obvious reason feels guilty so she doesn’t want to see Lucas just yet.

For the remainder of the episode Donna struggles to come to grips with Ellen living on the street. She stares blankly with her mouth slightly agape to demonstrate her struggles.

This happened

Which I wish looked like

Not the best photoshop ever

Tuesday

Turns out Ellen has A BIG SECRET, which is basically he owes some people some money. The context of the money owed is boardering on ridiculous. Apparently he forgot to budget for paying the security guards double time after 12.00am. The security guards have followed him, from the schoolies location to Ramsey St. He gets a loan to give back the money from Paul.

Later, Rebecca finds Andrew packing up his shit (hahaha, no, not like that you filthy bastards) she basically blackmails him into staying by threatening to call the cops and dob him in for something-a-rather. Dear kids, blackmail is OK so long as there is a perceived good intention behind it. Like in this example Rebecca wants him to stay so Paul can have a crack at being a Dad. So this is good blackmail, there’s a distinct difference.

Basically nothing else happens this episode.

Wednesday

The teens are talking about what they are going to do now school is over. Zeke wants to take a year off, like a gap year, fuck I hope he travels. So this episode is centered around hooking Declan up with Kate, which has been on the cards since Kate first arrived, when Bridgette was still alive.

Donna had been meddling in this relationship trying to stop it from happening because she was worried everyone would forget about Didge. Donna is just such a loyal friend or something. Fuck I don’t know what the point of that shit was, but Declan loses his shit at her in an attempt to create drama. It doesn’t.

Declan and Kate prepare for their date. Donna helps Kate by pouring gravy all over her so no one can tell she is mutton. Zeke offers fashion and hair styling tips to Declan. Declan explains he is taking Kate out for dinner and a movie, Zeke says “Ohhh, dinner and a movie” in the GAYEST voice ever. Just ridiculous. Here are some screenshots, which don’t do the sounds justice.

Just as they are leaving, Zeke in a final attempt to be the next boy/girl hybrid (read: Didge, Kate are both man-girls whilst Zeke is girl-man) offers Declan his “pointer”.

Thursday

This is what happened on Thursday.

Nothing else.

What an ugly kid.

Friday

Some of you may have seen one of those movies which focus on character development. Adversity is overcome, often these movies include wheelchairs and the protagonist’s disdain towards his/her wheelchair as it represents his/her limitations. Well Nieghbours tried to do that for two scenes with Lucas, then they gave up.

So now Lucas just loves his wheelchair and all that surliness is gone. He is going to behave like a normal person who wants to get back to normal as soon as possible and therefore be somewhat of a decent role model to the hundreds of thousands of children who watch this show. Particularly those in hospital. What the fuck am I talking about as if anyone cares about Lucas.

Turns out he blames Dan for his accident. He explains that Dan could’ve had it all, but he blew it on a one-night stand. By “all” I assume he means assets from the divorce. The show seems to have completely ignored Libby’s involvement in the divorce. Like the part where she irrationally blamed Dan for his bit part involvement in the accident that lost their surrogate baby. Then her pashing Dan’s brother, Lucas. We’ll just ignore all that and blame Dan.

Lucas asks out Steph she says no, just like that time Elle rejected his marriage proposal.

Lyn and Susan talk about Lyn moving on from Paul. Lyn describes how happy she was with Paul. How she felt like the most important person in the world. Like the sun would shine down on her, only her, she really felt special.

Can you feel those sun-rays, Lyn?

Susan and Lyn are going to go speed dating or something.

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