Archive for February, 2010

Neighbours Recap 22 – 26 February 2010

February 26, 2010


The production company or the Neighbours writing manual appears to demand at least two storylines to run in every episode. This theme flows throughout the week. Naturally, pointless filler is required to pad out the week, and this is immediately evident in Monday’s episode.

Zeke appears to have completely forgotten that he caused PirateNet to get shut down and then bought by Paul. This honestly happened two weeks ago and despite this he is annoyed that the new owner wants to include advertorials in the show. This follows the exact same stages as his court case, in which he made a stand on something he believed in for a while and then changed his mind.

Advertorials aren't your problem, buddy

For a period of time he is unable to accept Rebecca’s decision so he decides to quit, taking his moral fortitude regarding “selling out” with him. This gives him the perfect opportunity to slip into his second persona, Robbie, and have a go at his true dream.


That martial arts training really paid off

Wait a second.

Wholly fuck, it multiplied

Zeke ends up going back to PirateNet and doing the advertorials.

In the story running concurrently, Plain Jane has her 18th birthday. Kate Cebrano shows up, sings and wishes Kate a happy birthday before adding that Kate’s mum used to be her piano player. Huh? Nice way to provide the cameo with some token lines, idiots.

Kate and Declan hook up. It takes ages and no one cares, but it happens, so there you go.


This could be the most boring episode in a very, very long time. Again, the episode had two storylines, the first one was basically a rinse repeat of Monday’s episode. Kate and Declan’s relationship has some teething difficulties which they work out. I pressume the viewers are meant to feel relieved or something, but I suspect no one cares. Kate also becomes the legal guardian of her brother and sister, which officially makes Lou redundant.

In the other storyline, Lyn arranges a special lunch to celebrate Steph and Toady getting back together. There’s some suspicion but they get over it. Steph tries to quit her job at the garage but apparently Elle isn’t allowing her to break her contract. Because that’s how employment works in the minds of the writing staff.


Lucas’s court case for evading the police at the end of last season comes up. Unsurprisingly, the honourable Judge Con the Fruiterer is again presiding. Lucas refuses legal advice and legal representation and pleads guilty.

During the hearing, Con asks Lucas if there was any circumstance which caused Lucas to evade the police. Lucas has a flashback to Steph telling him she loved him and then breaking up with him pretty much straight away. Lucas pulls a dumb face. He then realises that the evading the police was because of Elle. Well, he didn’t realise that, but who cares. Fuck the writers are literally idiots.

Con’s ruling is a reasonably large fine, I can’t remember the amount though or a reasonably short jail term. Lucas chooses the jail term as he cannot afford the fine, but he also comments that jail would be better than Ramsay St, so why the fuck doesn’t he leave?

Just before he takes his punishment, Libby arrives to waste the courts time with a character witness. She then offers Lucas the money to keep him out of prison and uses her child, Ben, as a reason for Lucas not to go to jail.

Now if that sounds ridiculous, it’s because it is. You see, Lucas is Ben’s ex-step uncle. Yes, you read that right.

Ex – because Libby and Dan, Lucas’s brother, are now no longer married.
Step – because Dan isn’t Ben’s real father.
Uncle – because, well you get it, but it’s worth noting Lucas has never had any for of relationship with Ben before.

It is at this point, I revert back to Ben’s proper name, Plotty O’Device. This bullshit will be exasperated tomorrow.

Deus ex machina

Anyway, Lucas accepts the money and will pay Libby back or something.


Lucas and Ben spend the episode bonding, which is basically just kicking a football around the street. This is Neighbours’s effort to justify a reason for Lucas to still be around.

Nup, still doesn't make sense

Callum and Ben are arguing about something and then Callum, fucking champ that he is, calls Lucas a loser. Fuck Callum is rad. Toady backs up Callum and calls Lucas a bad role model. Ben immediately tells Lucas, adding that Toady thinks Lucas is reckless and does stupid things. Naturally, Lucas rushes over to confront Toady. They argue and Toady pretty much wins the verbal war.

And because there had to be two storylines in this episode, Ellen and Harry decide to cash in on Ellen’s skills with the ladies. They write a manual on how to pick up chicks and teens at their school actually buy it because they don’t have the internet to access such guidance for free. Also:

Add glasses and you have a male nerd

Add a pony tail and you have a female nerd.

I must admit, I don’t utterly hate Ellen, he does like to point out how ridiculous things are sometimes. Anyway, so Summer finds out Ellen’s scheme to make money and decides to ruin it for him. She places a recorder in the male change rooms in the gym. I’m not sure what she was hoping for, but naturally it works out perfectly for her. Ellen, in an effort to give Harry some confidence, tells him the manual is a fraud.


Summer sends the recorded audio file to a bunch of her classmates. As a result, the male nerd and his posse chase Ellen, Harry and Summer because, now this is the honest truth, they are to blame for the “nerds” not having girlfriends. I suppose it’s similar to me blaming alcohol for my girlfriend. Which I do.

In the other storyline for Friday’s episode, Zeke begins his community service. He has to work in a garden or something. Anyway, Mia also has the same community service. They start hanging out again, Zeke forgives her and that kind of shit. But Karl disapproves. There you go. That’s your fucking conflict or drama. There’s the hook. It’s retarded and uninteresting.

What a fucking shithouse week of Neighbours. To summarise:

Declan and Plain Jane have hooked up.

Lucas is still on the show despite serving no purpose and having no legitimate ties to the existing residents of the street.

So whilst there were TWO storylines in every episode (quota met!), still nothing happened

On a side note, I can’t decide if Summer is hot or not. Well she is, but they always have close ups of her and she has that funny hair-do, it’s like there’s something to hide. Like, OMG, a new character having a big secret.

What's to hide?