Neighbours recap 15th-19th February 2010



Lucas punches toadie. Right in his face, presumably- that kind of violence doesn’t get shown on ramsay st, but we did see toadie clutching his face after the fact. Anyway,  lucas’ violent outburst is attributed to the fact that Toadie and Steph insist on maintaining their ridiculous charade. In convenient point form, this is why this storyline is retarded:

– She is pregnant after one sexual encounter. Though of course, this is just the natural order of things on ramsay st. Unless, of course, someone is actually trying to become pregnant.

– She can’t say the baby belongs to Lucas because they haven’t yet had intercourse. The idea of going  home and humping him right away never occurs. All she would have to do then is say that the baby was born premature.

– She apparently has to keep the baby because she might get sick again otherwise. This only makes sense if you accept the proposition that abortions cause cancer.

Dr Bart Simpson made huge leaps in the medical field of abortions

– Stpeh and Toadie want to claim Max is the father. Unfortunately this plan is scuppered after Summer’s timely arrival on Ramsay st on the very same day. This is after her name hasn’t been so much as mentioned on the street in years.

So that’s a summary of its ridiculousness. Steph and toadie agree to tell the world the baby is theirs, sabotaging each of their relationships and trapping them in an awkward situation for months, or years. They do this because that outcome is better than Steph saying she got drunk one night at a pub and, you know, humped a random dude.

Anyway, despite the hatred I have for this storyline and all of its absurdity, it makes Lucas miserable and so I therefore have to support it.


In the best neighbours scene in recent memory, Karl struts into his house like the fonz himself.

He then greets the family in Italian. Now, my italian is a bit rusty but i’m pretty sure he told Zeke to fuck himself.

Lucas is now staying in Paul’s house. Andrew acts outraged that someone could just show up, out of the blue, and expect board and lodging. In the kitchen, a pot calls the kettle black.

Summer calls Lucas ‘hot and brooding’. What the fuck!

Just look at that thing. If there’s a woman alive that finds him attractive, i’ll eat my fucking hat. Anyway, Summer is now cool, and edgy. She should work at piratenet. Apparently the writers feel that if a character leaves the show it gives them license to recast them years later and be given a totally hip new personality. Expect brett stark to return soon, only now he’ll be being played by a skateboarding yahoo serious. Anyway, what is summer doing back? Is it reasonable or normal to just show up unannounced on a street you used to live on years ago and expect hospitality from people you were barely acquantanced with?

Karl has bought some new glasses over in Italy. He is mocked for wearing ladies frames. Anyway, I like Karl’s new look, especially the sweater tied round the shoulders. It makes him look like a college jock.

Ok, i just learned something. Don’t google image search ‘college jock’ with safesearch off. You’ve been warned.

Lucas’ arrogance reaches new heights as he simply refuses to accept that Steph could have moved from him to Toadie.

Why would she want a hamburger like him when she could have a steak like me?

Wow, the neighbours writers really are lazy hacks. They have introduced a hot nerd chick.

Just like in every teen movie ever. This of course follows the established hack writer principle of showing contempt for the viewer’s intelligence by turning any girl into a nerd with the addition of pigtails and/or glasses, regardless of their inherent attractiveness.

With bullies like Griffo around, this nerd wouldn't last a day at erinsborough high


Lucas berates Toadie for ‘taking advantage of Steph while she’s vulnerable’. Much like the way Libby was when he made out with her, or like the way he was himself following Elle’s breakup with him, which was apparently the precise moment he realised he loved Steph.

Steph seems to be a total bitch. She sits by and watched while Toadie destroys his relationship with Sonia because she’s unwilling to accept responsibility for her actions.


Everyone goes to watch Harry do his basketball tryouts, which apparently consist of a single layup and a free throw. Griffo still really doesn’t want Harry on the team. Maybe one day the writers will explain why.

The writers have just killed Callum. Toadie offers him ice cream and chips and Callum turns them away because he wants to talk about his feelings. I can only assume that the writing team reads these recaps and are now concocting storylines just to spite me.


Griffo tries to psyche out Harry by claiming that his sister can shoot better. He then goes one better by calling him ‘Harriette’. What kind of G-rated bully bullshit is this? Who is writing for these characters? 

Anyway, Harry rises above the hurtful taunts and manages to secure himself a spot on the team. Paul then insists on Harry going on the radio to do an interview with Lost boy and tell his ‘David and Goliath story’, a story which would ‘inspire kids everywhere’. What the fuck?  He made it onto his local high school basketball team!

Not understanding how advertising works, Paul thinks that getting a  local schoolkid on the radio to talk about his sneakers will make him a fortune.

Paul then insists that Zeke bring back the ‘Ask Dr Karl’ segment of the lost boy show. I wonder if that segment will be anything like the ‘Ask Dr Karl’ segment on triple J.

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