Neighbours recap 15th-19th March 2010



With their antiquated moral code that requires any ‘wickedness’ be met with the harshest and most unlikely consequence (see: Stingray’s ‘problem’ drinking stemming from first tasting a beer, Lucas’ gambling and numerous teen pregnancies after a single sexual experience), I believe the writers are in reality a group of doddering octogenarians who compose the scripts in the downtime of their punishing schedule of bingo and spoon feedings of a carrotty mash.

Told they had to do a scene involving computers, the writers panicked at first, evacuating their breakfasts of tapioca and prunes into their pantaloons in terror. However, with knowledge gleaned from a recent midday movie viewing of ‘weird science’ they were more or less able to fudge their way through this episode’s opening scene.

Zeke performs some computer wizardry, abetted in his endeavour by some fake-looking program which reads ‘reconstructing files’ while emitting a computery buzzing throughout the process.

Mia and Donna then discuss plans for Zeke’s birthday present. Mia tells Donna about west waratah and how there’s this ‘great imported music place’

I know that place- it's called the 'internet'

Because the writers’ shame has no limits, they recycle their own ill-conceived storyline involving Summer’s ipod, Donna using it here to try to catch Mia saying something incriminating.

The new ipod, now with 'plot device' function

As Donna reveals this plan to Summer, Summer asks how she intends to catch Mia saying something incriminating. Donna then says she has no plan but that she thought that it would somehow magically (improbably) happen. Summer sighs, condescendingly, “you have so much to learn.’  This is funny, because if you happened to catch the episode a couple of weeks back you’d know this is exactly what Summer did to catch out Andrew. Hotdog even  pointed it out in his recap.

Harry spies Summer and Andrew sitting together int he coffee shop and has a dream sequence about being smooth and wooing Summer. His attire in this sequence is supposed to make him look cool but instead makes him look as though someone had stuffed a monkey into a suit.

Paul has a cash flow problem. It seems as though he has sunk all of his money into Piratenet and that it’s taking longer than expected to yield dividends. It also means that he has placed his financial future into the hands of this fuckwit:

Fonzie cried when he caught a glimpse of this

Sweet fancy Moses. I set that picture as this blog’s co-author’s desktop wallpaper as a constant reminder of our quest to have the writers kill Zeke off the show.


While Susan plans the music for Zeke’s birthday, mentioning ‘Sinead O Connor’ and ‘Enya’ without a trace of sarcasm, Mia plots to bring about Zeke’s demise with the crooked cop Skinner, who for some reason is consorting with an actual criminal in order to frame an innocent. Maybe he’s fucking her. Karl grows weary of their banter and proclaims that he’s ‘off to hit the sack’. Much to my disappointment, he does not then slap Zeke in the testicles.

On a visit to her ‘grandfather’s’ house, Zeke and his unattractive girlfriend knock on the door to no response. She suggests they break in and have sex, maintaining that he must be out of the house, though, being old, it’s more likely that he’s inside, dead.

Carrying boxes around the hospital, Steph sits down. On Ramsay St, this is apparently a symptom of imminent death, as Karl and Lyn hysterically rush to her aid.

During examination, Steph insists that nothing is wrong and that she was just tired. Lyn then screeches that while she thought Steph had an iron deficiency, her sudden fondness for sitting is evidence that “something more is wrong”.

Zeke gets busted for sitting in a window

He does this because he believes that, much like a blueberry pie, sitting on a windowsill will make him cool

Through a series of flashbacks, the writers then reveal ‘the twist’- that it is in fact Zeke who has been playing Mia. I love it how the writers try to be clever sometimes.


Karl and Susan have been hard at work creating some kind of pagan artifact

My sincerest sympathies to the prop assistant tasked to put that together. It’d be like the arts and crafts hour in hell.

Susan and Karl then plan a party for Zeke’s birthday. As it falls on St Patrick’s day they assemble all kinds of Irish-themed accoutrements. No beer though.

Because the writers think this is how high schoolers behave, Sophie and Callum play dress ups at the garage.  Sophie sees Steph and proclaims “look Steph, I’m you!”

Callum then despondently remarks “yeah, and I’m Lucas,” his face full of hatred toward the writers for having made him say that.

Honestly, that is how he reacted. Go back and see for yourself, i highly recommend it.

Steph and Lucas then get locked in the garage storeroom. Lucas offers Steph some of the salad sandwich that Rebecca packed into his lunchbox for him.

Turned on by Lucas, a man-child stripped bare of dignity, but simultaneously angered that Lucas had already eaten the packed little lunch of tiny teddies and juice box, Steph playfully derides Lucas’ sandwich-making abilities.

Lucas replies “Watch it, or i’ll take it back off you’. Steph then responds “you wouldn’t take a sandwich from a starving woman.” Lucas pauses, then greasily remarks “I wouldn’t take anything from you that you didn’t want to give me”.

What!? He’s talking about pussy right? Does this mean he won’t rape her? What a sweet talker.

Lucas then puts on the moves

This actually made me feel sick. I hate Lucas that much.


To celebrate St Patrick’s day, the teens go to Charlie’s to eat cupcakes and drink soft drink. It might be presumptuous, but i’m going to go out and say that there is ot a single group of 17 year olds anywhere in the world that would consider that fun.

How St Patrick's day is traditionally celebrated

So, Harry and Andrew continue to compete to ‘win’ Summer, like a carnival prize. The whole situation is a bit disconcerting.

Harry, keen to impress Summer, tries on some different ensembles.

Careful Harry, you're treading a dangerously Zeke-like path here


Andrew tries to set Harry up with one of Summer’s friends. Andrew and Declan ‘scuffle’- that is, Andrew pushes Declan before Lucas rushes in, doucheface aglow

That is literally everything that happened in the episode. How disappointing. Hopefully subsequent weeks of neighbours will yield a richer vein of comic potential.


2 Responses to “Neighbours recap 15th-19th March 2010”

  1. Simon T Says:

    Just found this site via The Art of Neighbours Facebook page – love everything about it, keep on the great work!

  2. Simon T Says:

    That Zeke photo board uses a lot of the same photos…

    oh, and Susan said “this year your birthday falls on St. Patrick’s Day”. Er, then surely it does *every* year? And who starts planning their celebration the DAY BEFORE?

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