Neighbours Recap 5 – 9 April 2010

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Who likes games? You? Well you’re in luck.

Neighbours Board Game

Now you need a dice to play. In truth, you don’t need the board game, the dice is enough. Lets generate a plot for Neighbours with the roll of a dice.

Roll a 1 – Seek a storyline from current events / pop culture.
Roll a 2 – Introduce a new character who doesn’t live on the street and brings either a BIG SECRET or is simply evil.
Roll a 3 – Someone gets pregnant / married / engaged or similar.
Roll a 4 – Contact Channel 10 for blatant cross promotion opportunity.
Roll a 5 – Create pointless filler which will more than likely completely contradict a later attempt at a core storyline.
Roll a 6 – Refer to the Neighbours computer game. Although the game is limited to skateboarding around four tracks, it might be just the inspiration you need.

Monday

Hmmm, how's about some current events

Do you remember Corey Worthington? For those of you who don’t remember him, I suggest watching Monday’s episode of Neighbours for a refresher.

Summer has decided to have a party at her place to cheer up Ellen. Ellen decides to post it on Facebook, because that’s topical right? The party starts and a bunch of random “cool” kids come and “gate crash” the party. Summer is outraged that so many kids have turned up, especially when the gate crashers get so rowdy they jump on the couch. This is apparently too much for Summer so she leaves and tells Steph that things have gotten out of control. Rebecca calls the cops who then break up the party.

The party was largely retarded except when Ellen tries to pick up Summer with the old “hey baby, you know you want me” and then presents his dick preparing to knight her once she gets on her knees. She politely declines.

Summer, will you be my Portia De Rossi?

Ok, time for the “B” storyline and guess what, we’ve rolled a 5.

Declan and Kate’s relationship is pretty fucking boring, I’m sure we can all agree on that. Today is no exception, but I can squeeze a cheap joke in here so I’m going to explain what happened (seriously, just so I can squeeze one shit joke in – see if you can spot the joke).

Kate is worried that Declan isn’t getting enough time doing “boy stuff” now that his time is spent either at work, uni, with her or his child. She asks Zeke what kind of stuff Declan could do for a bit of a break. Zeke suggests they go to university and sign up for one of those lame arse clubs.

After much searching he picks one, but the Neighours writers decided to withhold any details of the club until later. Zeke eventually convinces Declan to come with him to uni. They enter a dark room, where Zeke tells Declan he’s signed them up to Magicians Club. Deadset – that’s not the joke. Anyway, it’s all dark and Zeke says “for my first trick…….Feel that finger up your bum?”

Look, no hands!

See how subtle that joke was?

Tuesday

Ok, let’s just assume we roll a 5 in every episode. Just to mix it up, I think I’ll do the “B” storyline first. Variety is the spice of life, right?

Steph decides to buy baby clothes including a leather jacket, but she ends up giving it to Declan for fear of being caught. It’s kind of nonsensical, but hey what are you going to do. What I have noticed is Steph’s boobs have got progressively bigger and bigger, which to me suggests pregnancy. Perhaps the residents might notice and realise she preggers, that’d be pretty funny. Anyway, it would appear Steph has had a boob job and I think I should investigate.

Before

After

That was much more effort than it was worth and yes, that’s the best two pictures I could find. There’s some odd websites out there with creepy amounts of Steph pictures like this one.

Ok, again with the dice roll. Yeh, we rolled a “1”. I must admit I’m tiring of the whole dice joke, so from now on you’re going to have to work it out as we go.

Harry and Summer complain constantly about cleaning up after last night’s party. It is basically as entertaining as it sounds. Rebecca is furious that Ellen isn’t helping them clean up so she calls his mum to send him back home. Unfortunately Ellen’s mum doesn’t want to take him back ever since he came out of the closet on international TV. She’s even more furious when she hears that Ellen has tried to pick up Summer.

This makes Ellen furious. So furious he runs outside.

Look out pot plants and garbage bins!

I warned you, pot plant

Fuck you, garbage bin

Ellen, you've made Hulk ridiculous

Wednesday

Libby is pissed off at Ellen following his rampage, so she decides that he can no longer be the coach of the kid’s soccer team.

Libby is now coaching the team and she notices Sophie is marginally better than the other kids at dribbling. She enquires as to where Sophie’s leant to dribble and is surpised to hear that Kate had been teaching her how to dance, which apparently translates to soccer.

So Libby takes the kids to Kate’s house for some dance practice. Some kids get into the dancing slightly more than others.

Ben's a natural.

Later Ben tells Libby he no longer wants to play soccer, but instead wants to dance.

This is Libby's reacton.

Sophie tells Callum that Ben is going to have Dancing lessons, to which Callum responds “Yeah good one. And I’m going to sell my playstation for a dollhouse.” Ben then confirms he wants to dance, Callum’s face says it all.

Callum really is the only decent character on the show

Thursday

I’m struggling to remember what happened in this episode. So I just checked the Neighbours website, which explains the episode thusly:

Kate thinks the words ‘Kate’ and ‘hot’ do not fit together in the same sentence. Donna comes up with another one of her quick-fix strategies to make Kate feel like a wo-man.

I thought her name was Plain Jane?

Also Ben no longer wants to dance because he overheard Lucas mocking dancing. Libby trys to convince Ben he should do what he wants and not worry about anyone else. She does this by bringing one of her friends onto the street who is a male dancer. She then sets up a bunch of challenges between the guy and Lucas. Surprisingly the dancer is gayer than Lucas.

Anyway, it’s ridiculously boring and Ben ultimately decides that he is going to dance.

Friday

After such a strong start to the week, Thursday and Friday are particularly disappointing.

Donna has received a letter from one of her potential fathers. The first 15 minutes of the episode is Donna deciding whether or not to open the letter.

This close up takes 15 minutes

She eventually decides to open it and is surprised to read that he would like to meet her. They arrange a meeting place. Donna arrives and sees him but then runs away. Apparently because if she doesn’t meet him then there is no way she can be disappointed. She just rolled a fucking 5, because she has now decided to get a job at her potential dad’s pub. Fucking hell.

Susan has decided to go back to uni for some unknown reason. It takes all of not even one scene for her to be enrolled. She promises Zeke she won’t get in his way. Then the very next scene.

Is this fucking dice just stuck on 5?

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