Neighbours recap 21-25th June 2010

by

MON

Kate receives a letter informing her that money has been removed from her trust fund. Apparently it’s been happening a lot recently. She’s puzzled and concerned, though not sufficiently to, you know, call the bank. Rebecca organises a gala bash for India’s birthday. Everything goes swimmingly until India chokes on a marshmallow .

Method acting himself into sad mode, fake Declan imagined himself gaining a couple of pounds on his thighs and not being able to fit into his favourite skinny designer jeans. Halfway through his daydream, he  realised the situation was absurd, he’ll never get fat, this made him smile

I'll always be fabulous

With the economy in a strong position, Erinsborough hospital hires a third doctor. Unfortunately, the budget doesn’t quite extend to an additional doctor’s coat, so she had to make do with her dressing gown.

Despite working in a shop full of food, Lyn complains ceaselessly of being starving. Luckily, Terry has eschewed the typical courtship gifts of flowers or jewellery in favour of a shit-looking sandwich.

I remember when Lucas and Steph were locked in the storage cupboard at the garage and rattus seduced Steph with a sandwich. Maybe the writers have a thing for sandwiches.

Neighbours writers '05 christmas party

At any rate, its irresistable combination of crust and filling stirs her loins and she rushes out to insist terry go ona  date with her. I’m sure hilarity will ensue.

TUE

hilarity

My suuspicions prove to be justified, as Lyn’s date descends into a slapstick, three stooges  affair.

Bereft of paper bags, Terry resorts to more radical methods of shielding his eyes from her countenance as he mounts Lyn from behind.

India’s first birthday extravaganza, an event he stressed over for weeks, is basically cake and party hats for himself and three other people.

Lucas doesn't count as a person

In order to prevent Toadie from proceeding with his plan to ruin him, Paul tried to dig up dirt on Toadie. This will no doubt lead to his revealing that steph and toadie’s wedding is a sham. This will in turn lead to Libby being upset. And, folks, thats what this whole year long saga, with all of the drama, intrigue and convoluted twists boils down to.

'0' equals 'Libby gets upset'

WED

Eager to show Andrew she can offer him more than sexual release, she decided to make a grand gesture to prove her worth. She approaches him outside Lassiters and offers him, yep, a sandwich

what the hell!?

Paul threatens Toadie with revealing the details of the work that he did for him, which was apparently unethical, in a letter to Steph, which he intend to mail unless toadie complies with Paul’s wishes. In so doing, Paul has perhaps forgotten that Toadie lives with Steph and as such is likely to intercept the mail at its destination. He seems to have also forgotten that he lives next fucking door.

Tash and the principal go out for a fancy dinner at Harold’s. Principal looks at Tash’s untouched stew and comments “it’s your favourite dinner and you haven’t eaten a bite.”

And anyway, what is Harold’s doing serving up stews and shit for dinner? It’s a fucking general store!

Summer , Andrew and Summer’s random boyfriend come into Harold’s, looking to quench their thirst after a session of Karaoke and alcohol abstinance at Charlie’s. Tash then drags Andrew away so they can have sex, which leaves me confused. Apparently, sex is ok, but drink is the devil, so instead they show three 17 year olds attend karoake in complete sobriety, then go out for milkshakes afterwards.

Tash calls Summer frigid- a moral standpoint that is strangely incongruous with her edgy arttitude. Or it used to be. Since Tash’s arrival, summer has undergone a remarkable transition from Andrew’s mischevious foil to a goody two shoes.

A couple of months ago, i'd have had an edgy comeback to tash's insult

THU

Ok, it seems tash actually called Summer frosty, not frigid. It appears as though, in the world of the writers, the two words are interchangeable.

Frigid the snowman

The writers must surely realise that they will never be taken seriously by the teens they seek to target if they insist on patronising them with euphemisms.

Summer’s random boyfriend, Chris, finds his glasses- they’ve been hiding on the face of some nerd.

He flies into a rage and starts pummeling the hapless geek, pausing only when he catches a glimpse of his rage-filled face reflected in the nerd’s spectacles, realising he has become the bully he once so despised. This makes him happy.

Over a bowl of cereal at Harold’s store, Susan checks facebook and is surprised that none of her college chums want to have an afternoon cup of tea with her. It turns out someone did respond to Susan’s tea offer- they sent her a virus. This is reminiscent of the time Steph invited Libby’s husband inside for a cup of tea and she too wound up with a virus. I believe she’s going to call it ‘son of dan’.

Susan’s antagonist then ups the ante with a message saying ‘leave uni or else!’ Now who could possibly care about Susan’s return to uni, and why? I don’t know, but it’s absurd and idiotic, so i’m sure it has something to do with Steph’s pregnancy.

So after Susan was sent the virus and then the message, both things it would be reasonable to conclude fall within the realm of a teenage prank on an unpopular older student, Susan gets the advice of her lawyer and then talks to Libby about going to the police. They both agree not to tell Karl though, because unlike them, he might over-react.

When Karl overreacts, things die

Susan amasses a sizeable crowd at uni, all of the students listening intently to her opinions on journalism. Zeke spoils the fun, however, when he bends over and releases a foul fart, strongly redolent of ejaculate. This causes the uni crowd to disperse en masse.

FRI

In one of my previous posts, i wrote at length about how the writers are old and are fearful of the internet. I listed several ways in which they’d shown that the net is a minefield, likely to leave you bankrupt and friendless. After 5 or 6 of these storylines, I thought, surely, that they’d run the gamut of internet mishaps. It appears i underestimated them, as this episode is titled ‘Susan faces her cyber bully’. I wonder if this blog could be considered cyber bullying against the writers. I hope so.

After Zeke ruins yet another family dinner with his camp theatrics, this time to parade his new silken vest, Susan cracks and lambasts Zeke, screaming at the vest, or possibly Zeke, to ‘get back in the closet’

Callum performs a standup comedy routine. It is, naturally, excellent. At one point he walks up to Ben, grinning like an arsehole, puts his arm around him and addressed the crowd: “I know this boy looks like an idiot and sounds like an idiot, but make no mistake.. he is an idiot.’ Ben then toots a blue plastic horn to sound his appreciation.

During Lyn’s gynaecological exam, a queef sends a putrid cloud flush into Karl’s unsuspecting mug. Thickly viscous in its rancidity, tiny spores of vagilitis cause Karl’s nose to become large and inflamed.

As for Lucas, well, as a rat, he simply followed his nose, to the cheese.

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One Response to “Neighbours recap 21-25th June 2010”

  1. srjp Says:

    Fantastic. Found this site earlier and have nearly cried with laughter many times since. Keep it up.

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