Archive for September, 2010

Neighbours Recap 20th – 24th September 2010

September 26, 2010


Mr Burns awakes after a few weeks in a drug induced coma. He is clearly a bit groggy, as expected, but Chief Wiggum is already there hoping to get some information about who shot… I mean… Who pushed Paul.

“So what happened to you, Paul?”

Paul has conveniently lost his memory apart from muttering three words.

“argue” “mezzanine” “Diana”

All of these words work wonders when trying to drag out the storyline.

Diana is at her hotel when the phone rings, a close up of the phone reveals its from “Unknown”, presumably the same person who has pranked Susan and the police 300 times.  Anyway, Diana answers the phone and is informed that Paul basically blamed her for pushing him.  The voice on the other end of the phone is male with an effeminate lisp, so quite clearly it is fake Declan.

“Who is this?” “Ohhh, let’s just say it’s someone fabulouse”

This prompts Dianna to pack up her stuff and go on the run.  Even if she didn’t do it, the police have enough evidence to arrest her for conspiracy to murder.  In fact, they arrested her for that in the first place.

She manages to escape.

At least the camera guy gets some creative power to use a fancy camera angle. Power to the UNIONS!!!

Summer and Tash are worried about Andrew.  They’re in the gym and he is apparently “really worked up”

Really worked up? Fuck off. He’s not even punching the boxing bag to relieve stress.
Chris has something Andrew can punch.

His bumhole.  That’s what.


Tash recommends the teens go to a dance party to get their minds of all the bad stuff going on.

All age dance parties are awesome. Plus, nothing could go wrong.

At least they are doing something a normal teen would do, well, without the getting smashed part.  Wait a second.  Glow sticks.  Is this a Back to the 90s party?  Jesus, we’re already mocking the 90s in the same way we mock the 80s?

Seriously the glow sticks are everywhere.  Just like a normal club…

Or maybe it’s not a 90s party.  Perhaps the Neighbours prop department are just lazy hacks.

Summer is apparently keen on Andrew.  This seems like an unnecessary development with all the other storylines going on at the moment.  Hopefully, Summer won’t be put in awkward positions until she reveals her feelings.

Well Tash rubbing up against him is timely

Steph, concerned about the resale value of her house, decides to repaint the spare bedroom


The episode starts with a montage of Lucas’ recent sexual exploits.

Watch out ladies, he can hump you fully clothed.

Steph must’ve smelt particularly cheesey

A bad boy from Steph’s past arrives on Ramsay St and it’s as cliché as we’ve all come to expect.

My wardrobe includes black clothes AND I have tattoos

Plus a snazzy bicycle.

More seasoned viewers will remember that Woody was Steph’s trust worthy friend that she would go on bike rides with whilst she was married to Max.  Once again the writers re-write history because they are simply retarded.

Meanwhile, Lucas convinces Michael to go to Charlie’s and try to pick up some girls.  Upon arrival, Lucas notices two girls talking.

“Yeah, so I really feel like some chocolate and ice cream”
Engage sleaze face
Maybe “Sleaze face” is just how his face falls.

Since Lucas cut his grass, Zeke challenges him to see who is better with the ladies.  They both have to have a crack and the next two birds to wander in the door.

hat = tourist

Thanks, wardrobe dept.

Back at Steph’s pad, she is getting ready to go motorcycling and the background music is massively retarded.  Like a cheap ACDC knockoff.  It’s horrible.  But fitting for Steph’s new found rebelion.

Steph and Woody go motorcycling and pull over to have a chat.  The editing of when the bikes pull up to when the actors take their helmets off makes it quite clear that neither of these actors can ride a bike.  That’s pretty ridiculous since Carla Bonner has been playing Steph, a biker chick, for how many fucking years?  Anyway they have a chat

 “I always got the feeling you wouldn’t’ve minded the whole family thing” Woody assumed “Do you like my snazzy neckerchief?” he continued.

Steph “Me? Kidding” she said, ignoring her offspring, “where’s my AC/DC backing track” she said as she looked around.

They head to the pub.  Charlie’s of course, where they find Lucas and Co trying to pick up birds.  Except Lucas is distracted by the writers inability to write in a new character without the exact same traits as himself.

photography Even their sideburns are equally as sad as each other.

Also, Michael wins the pickup competition.


protein shake

In an effort to be less bitch like, Zeke makes himself a protein shake.  He then, using girlpower, remembers Susan and Karl’s anniversary when Karl has forgotten.  Karl points out that Zeke has milk on his top lip.

anniversary Gaytimes two weeks ago and now this?  Come on.

I look forward to an episode of Karl and Susan slapstick.

Lyn is really worried about Steph’s relationship with Woody.  Not only is he a bad influence.

pin dick His name being“Woody” is apparently false advertising


And what is Kennedy slapstick without Karl playing the guitar.

slapstick Seriously, this isn’t a tired joke.

Erinsborough Hospital, famous for only being able to employ two doctors and over working Dr Doug in particular, as well as donating money to a commercial radio station, has now decided to run a treasure hunt with a cruise the major prize. 

How this treasure hunt will benefit the hospital is never adequately explained.  We are left to assume that the hospital needs to advertise to get more customers.  Hopefully this treasure hunt will be rigged in such a way that the contestants will be left maimed and in need of medical care..

treasure hunt

For some unknown reason Callum is interested in winning the prize and also declares himself the greatest treasurer hunter in all of the land.  I can only assume he acquired this skill hunting down Easter eggs.  Callum’s single greatest motivation.

Woot Anyway, Callum wins and gives the present to Toady.

Paul, desperate to remember who pushed him, convinces Andrew to take him to the scene of the crime.  Lucky for us, we get to relive the scene of Paul greeting his pusher another fucking time.

sepia This time in sepia memory format

He appears to remember who-dun-it but doesn’t tell anyone.  Turns out to be a wise move, as Rebecca decides to present him with papers for divorce.  Paul blackmails Rebecca with the knowledge of who pushed him (Fake-Declan).  Rebecca decides not to get divorced.

craps himself Declan craps himself