Archive for October, 2010

Neighbours Recap 18th – 22nd October 2010

October 23, 2010


Now I’m no statistician, but the probabilities of Ringo, who was an hour out of Erinsborough searching for cupcakes, and Steph, riding her bike, being in the exact same place at that precise moment are extremely low.

low probabilityAccording to my calculations, such an event would fall outside a reasonable range of probabilities.

Continuing the maths theme, because I know you all love maths, how many motorcycle accidents have happened in recent times.

Lucasa Lucas after Ellen left him

Lucas rehab And then Lucas’ long rehab storyline.

Eunuch bike A Google image search for “Eunuch bike” returned this.  I can’t imagine why.  But yeah, Dan’s crash which crushed his testicles.

And now Steph crashing into Ringo.  So three crashes in less than 12 months, for those who were keeping count.

Steph and Ringo are rushed to hospital to see which actor’s contract expires first.  The spoilers seem to be vague enough that Dinnerdog, and I have a $1 bet on who is going to die, with my sweet, sweet money on Ringo.  He better fucking die.


moral victory Plus one times moral victory

I’m not sure why the writers decided to use a one month anniversary to make Ringo’s death more emotional.  It’s like they recognised Donna and Ringo’s relationship doesn’t warrant the viewers sympathy so they had to concoct some basis for people to care.

Watching Donna go through the motions, I mean “emotions”, reminds me of some of the most recent deaths and the retardness that followed.  Namely, Carmella singing at Marco’s funeral and Didge’s ghost appearing to Declan.  Can Donna top that or could Ringo make a come back with a sassy new personality.

thomas I’m not sure that joke even made sense

Dr Doug tells Steph she has to provide a statement to the police.  Apparently the police have found a trace of lazy plot device in Steph’s blood tests.


Some might remember Steph was convicted of killing her grandfather Charlie.  I wonder if she will make Dan change Adam’s name to Ringo.  Out of respect, you know like Charlie.  Anyway, she is going to be charged for using her motorcycle as a weapon and theft of a cupcake.

Steph talks to Donna, admits that she had been drinking the night before and explains that it was an accident.

bw Thus the end of the grieving process.

Well except Kate.  You know how the writers sometimes make characters respond to storylines in completely retarded ways, well this is one of them.  For no reason whatsoever she is unable to talk to Donna.  I suppose this completely unnatural behaviour is Kate having discernable character traits.

Oh Jesus.  Kate sees Donna and tells her what happened when Ringo died.  Basically explaining that if Ringo didn’t push her out of the way, then Kate would’ve been hit.  That Ringo saved her life.

Now I’m not sure if “Get out” is meant to be a direction for Kate to leave the room, or if it is using Elaine Benes’ classic “Get out” plus push reaction.  I think the later makes more sense, as Donna is presumably proud of her heroic late husband.


bw Donna actually blames Kate for killing Ringo.

So Steph, the person who actually killed Ringo, is forgivable.  However, your best friend, who was by all reasonable logic an innocent bystander, is so horrible you hate them now?


As we all know by know the writers are hacks, so we have to see the impact on each individual character once some pointless event has happened.  We get to watch each character mourn the death of Ringo, whilst the script repeatedly reiterates “that everyone mourns in their own way”.  Which is a lazy excuse to show characters acting like dickheads.

Zeke Kinski Zeke mourns Ringo’s death

Susan gives Zeke a shoulder to cry on as Zeke fondly remembers sharing a room with Zeke.  “I’ll just miss his masculinity and heavy breathing when he sleeps” he whimpers.  “But most of all I remember that time we wrestled, we were so close, until he left me in a puddle of his ejaculate.”


Susan decides to get the cat from next door to cheer up Donna.  I’m no cat person, but the I’m pretty sure the sound effects team just recorded someone’s stomach rumbling and pretend the cat is making that noise.

The rumbling prompts Donna to talk to the cat.  She doesn’t blame Kate, it was just a ridiculous waste of time.

So from a stomach rumbling cat to the galah.  The sound effects department have found something that sounds like a bird call, just not a galah’s call.  Or maybe they just have a small sample of the call and they had to mix it.  Just maybe, they producers would realise that the sound byte is horrible and decide that it wouldn’t be necessary to use it in every scene Dahl is in.  Alas, they really don’t want people to watch Neighbours.

Since they have Dahl on the show, why not make use of her and train it to attack Zeke.  But wait, the bird is involved so stupid slapstick must ensue.

Lassie is scared Lassie is scared of birds

Unfortunately for Sonya, the bird has to stay with them until Donna has had enough of the cat.  Toady offers a compromise, by allowing Dahl to stay in Callum’s room.  Callum says “cool I’ll teach it to swear” and I breathe a sigh of relief that at least one of the characters resembles something realistic like it used to be.

Well more awesome than realistic Well more awesome than realistic

Just wear the beanie you retard Just wear the beanie properly, you fucking retard


Ringo’s death continues to be the source of pointless storylines.  For some reason Ellen decides he can no longer talk to Summer because her ex-step mother killed Ringo.  It’s as boring and retarded as it sounds.

Zeke is sad, which is good.


He continues to mourn Ringo and decides to celebrate Ringo’s life.

Zeke Time for some male anorexia

FakeDeclan arrives so he and Zeke play Zelda, which I presume is another subtle hint that Zeke is gay.

dec FakeDeclan has a girls haircut.

Callum really is the only good character on the show.  Whilst DJing on Piratenet he makes Lucas look like a dickhead.

Callum Callum, clearly chuffed with himself

Sophie has been on the show for what, a year or so now, and she really does not have a role whatsoever. 

sophie One conversation equals a school girl crush

I suppose he is the first person who has spoken to her.

hat Why is she still wearing that hat?

Tash really doesn’t want Michael to date nameless brunette woman.


Sonya and Toady discuss Dahl at the bar, presumably unaware of the horror that lies just below their eye level.

toady and sonya

Upon finding out that Steph isn’t going to fight the charges against her, Libby is sprung into action.  She confronts Steph and tells her she has to address her depression.

libby Libby really is an annoying character

She goes on about how Steph isn’t looking after herself, pointing out that, amongst other things, Steph needs to do her hair.

Steph Steph’s hair looks no different than usual.

Steph and Libby go to the hospital so seek guidance on Steph’s depression.

GP Is there anything medical related he can’t do?

Actually Callum and Tash are the only good characters.  Tash, whilst trying to manipulate Michael’s new girlfriend into leaving, observes Lucas walk out of the General Store and spill sauce on himself.

tash Tash: “Aghh, check that out.  Australian men are so gross”

Purple sleeves in the picture above was dating Michael.  As you may have inferred from that last sentence, Tash’s efforts to manipulate her were successful.  An Australian, who briefly lived in England was made to feel homesick.  For England. 

Libby manages to convince Steph to fight the charges against her because she has a responsibility to Charlie.  It’s a bit surprising as I always just assumed Steph was just a surrogate for that devil spawn.

Even more shocking is that she isn’t going to use Toady as her lawyer.