Neighbours Recap 1st – 5th November 2010



Holy hell.  Those fucking idiots have allowed Charlie, the devil spawn, to celebrate Halloween.  Not only that, but he goes missing.  Unfortunately they find him in the Lassiter’s car park.

Charlie “I have summonsed an evil beyond all evils”

Steph “He’s awakened the dead”

Madeleine-West-0005“Ha, as if I could drown”

Returned from the grave Ok, so it’s Sam.

Lucas, using his rat like senses, smells the seed of his brother on Sam, which turns him on so and turns on the charm.

Sleazeface “Hey baby.  Give me some sugar”

Sam reveals she is in town for work.  Apparently she is going to be representing the department of public prosecutions against Steph.  I look forward to Sam doing all kinds of work before the court appearance, then the judge presides, the other lawyer points out Sam’s inherent conflict of interest and the case is adjourned until another prosecutor is appointed.

twoface1 What, another bi-polar public prosecutor?


Sam, in her capacity as a prosecutor, is interviewing every single Ramsay St resident. 

Lawyery “So wait, you have nothing to do with this case?”

The wardrobe and make-up departments pulled out all the stops to make Sam look professional.  All the stops being a pony tail and glasses.

Libby is apparently losing her mind.  She is still wearing her Halloween costume.

What the fuck is she wearing Some kind of worm or something?  Maybe a cocoon?

Toady interviews Libby for her statement regarding the crash that killed Ringo.  It remarkably happens in Toady’s actual office.

Toady's office Rather than his “office”


The writers have established quite a conflicting set of circumstances, whereby Libby has decided to lie in her statement because she wants to keep Steph out of jail.  Karl and Susan know she is lying, so we can expect to see this face for the foreseeable future.

favce Judgement

Callum and Sophie argue about who should be the year 7 representative for the school social.  Then Zeke appears.

zeke Why is he at the school?

Michael decides to allow the other kids to vote and choose between Callum and Sophie.  For some reason Libby doesn’t think it is fair because Callum is loud and boisterous whereas Sophie is silent and boring. 

The candidates present to their peers.

popped And Zeke???

Callum gets things underway.

popped Stage 1 – Pop collar

popped Stage 2 – Spin move

popped Stage 3 – Flirt with the girls in the front row

Sophie is unable to compete with that awesomeness so she hangs her head in shame.


And then she cries and Kate materialises at the school so she can cry on her shoulder.

popped Apparently this is meant to represent Kate having her priorities right, something that Declan doesn’t as you will see in Storyline “b”.

I can’t recall the last time Declan was actually at work.  Nor can I remember when he was in a scene with India, until today.  And so begins the ground work for a shit storyline.

shit Declan can’t get a babysitter and he’s already late for a meeting.

Donna offers to look after India.  Donna and Kate talk about how Declan is missing all this great time with his daughter.

shit They use a scene of them painting to convey this message.  Because that’s apparently an important milestone in a child’s life.

It’s enough to prompt them to go to Declan’s work and put a guilt trip on him about not spending enough time with India.

shit What kind and thoughtful friends.


A Lassiter’s employee talks to Declan, but Declan can’t concentrate because Kate walks by in slow-mo.

brolly Is it raining?

The employee continues by presenting Declan with his new company car.

brolly Apparently it wasn’t raining.

When Declan arrives home his family all congratulate him on his fancy new car, but Declan dismisses it as a material possession.  Rebecca comforts him saying that he earned the car so he should enjoy it.  Rebecca clearly has a lose understanding of how Declan achieved his ‘success’.  Here’s a reminder.


Paul I know, I’ll give Declan a managers role at Lassiter’s, thus making my wife, his mum, happy.

Success earned.

Unlike everyone else, Kate is completely unimpressed with Declan’s new car.  Apparently it’s the symbolic embodiment of him becoming evil or something.  Honestly, I’m not entirely sure what Kate’s problem is with Declan’s job and new found wealth.  Does he no longer fit with Neighbour’s banal wholesome ideal?  You know, like how the viewer was meant to sympathises with Sophie earlier in the week because she is ‘nice and honest’ which are apparently the only desirable traits in a person.  This is probably why all the characters are so fucking boring.  They are, by and large, exactly the same.

On the plus side the two best characters are teaming up to dominate the school social organising committee.

excellent The combination of pranks and paying everyone out is going to be great.

The first thing Tash says is ‘I want to get your opinion on music.  Look I know Zeke has this whole underground DJ thing going on, but I think it’s a bit try hard”, which is just excellent.

excellent She says all that whilst pushing a cupcake towards Callum to bribe him.  An offer Callum clearly can’t refuse.

Oh for fucks sake, Sophie has won the position on the school social so no more Callum. 

Anyway, because Kate was judging Declan he decides that he can’t do his job without being a bad person.  Apparently, this management job, by definition, requires a person to be evil.  So without trying to alter the way he does his job, he instead decides he has to quit.

Well that is until he tells Kate his intentions then tries to get back with her.  She refuses his advances.

excellent Apparently forcing him back to his evil job.

excellent Tash upon realising Sophie has a crush on Zeke.

Tash will use this newfound information to blackmail Sophie and get her way on the school social committee. 


Way too much time is being dedicated to this school social.  I remember the last social.  You can too.  Anyway, Summer really doesn’t like the King and Queen idea because it presents an opportunity for her to say ‘antiquated’ and sound smart.  Anyway, it’s all quite boring until Tash busts out one of her great lines.

fringe “… and you might want to do something about that weird fringe of yours while you’re at it.”

fringe Nice come back, Summer.

Sam cheekily gives Steph a bunch of brochures about kids of prisoners, implying that Steph should start making arrangements for Charlie.  Except she says:

kids in prison “This is just a bit of what it’s like for kids in prison”

Wait what?  That’s not what those brochures are about at all.  Surely this was just an miss-script.  Apparently not:

kids in prison “I just won’t have my little kid in jail”

Well that’s just dumb.  Lucas appeals to Toady to stop Sam from pulling this shit.  Toady says that he’ll stop her if she does it one more time.  Why one more time?  Why not now?  She is clearly conflicted and not suitable to be the prosecutor in this case.

So Toady talks to Sam telling her that he’ll take it to the Bar association, because apparently Sam is now a barrister and not simply a lawyer.  Why doesn’t he just do that now?  Is there some kind of advantage in taking her on, or is Toady just a shit lawyer?  And if she is a barrister, why is she doing this work?  It would be the lawyer in any normal circumstance.

Anyway, Paul has offered his assistance to Sam because apparently it is in Donna’s interest.  Even though that contradicts everything Donna has said so far regarding Ringo’s death.

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