Neighbours recap 6th-10th December 2010



So, Sonya has decided to move in with Toadie. She celebrates by exposing herself to Callum.

Toadie is shocked, but not surprised.

from December 2009

Anyway, like a filthy sleazebag, Principal continues to groom Rebecca for sex. His latest trick involves interrogating fake declan about his parents relationship.

So, does your mum have like, an amputee fetish, or what?

With the seed of doubt over their relationship in his mind, fake declan goes into Paul’s bedroom in search of clues.

“Bingo!”‘ he exclaims as he opens one of the drawers.

Credit, of course, goes to the late, great Leslie Nielsen for that one.

Further sleuthing on fakelan’s behalf reveals that Rebecca and Paul’s marital bed is actually just two single beds pushed together, which, by gauging his reaction, he feels is solid evidence of a sham marriage.

Fakelan then confronts Paul and tells him that he intends to convince Rebecca to leave Paul for good. It’s a moment full of tension and emotion. Or it would be, if fake declan was something other than the worst actor in the world, rendering his attempt to inject some vigour into his performance laughable at best.

Paul then tells fakelan that the only reason Rebecca isn’t in gaol is because he told the police he couldn’t remember who pushed him. This comes as news to fakelan, who apparently had not been sufficiently bothered up until that point to question how it was that his mother avoided charges for attempted murder.

Over at Toadie’s place, he and Sonya experience mild consternation when they realise that they have no room in their kitchen for all of her appliances and utensils in addition to his own.

It appears as though the writers have confused life’s mundane annoyances with actual entertainment.

Later, on the street, Principal sees Toadie and Sonya carrying boxes and investigates. He discovers that they are in the midst of a kitchen clean out. Principal and Toadie agree that one needs to be ruthless in these situations, lest you wind up “with a house full of garbage”, which they say in unision. They then laugh heartily at the inherent mirth in their simultaneous statement

It's happened- neighbours is now officially more boring than real life

Fortunately for the viewer, the drama soon escalates, as it’s revealed that Sonya has rescued a saucepan from the garbage, not being able to part with it, such is its sentimental value.

whew, i'm glad that's been resolved in this episode, i was worried the case of the sentimental saucepan was going to be a two-parter

Over at the coffee shop, Tash takes Andrew through osme of the photos from Paul and Rebecca’s renewal of vows.’You should totally wear a suit all the time’ she insists. Apparently ill-fitting jackets, 80s skinny ties and unbuttoned top buttons are all the rage.

suits you sir, ooh, suits you

Tash then suggests they go back home to photoshop the ugly people out of the pictures. “But we just ate lunch!” comes Andrew’s rebuke.

photoshopping, like swimming, is not to be done within an hour after eating

Paul’s threat to tell the police the truth of his fall notwithstanding, fakelan readies himself to leave, packing his belongings into his pink handbag

Paul catches him in the act, however, and proceeds to appeal to him using language that he will understand. “Oh come on Declan, I’ve got you over a barrel” he insists

'ooh, I like the sound of that,' breathes declan


Paul makes good on his threat after fake declan’s exit and invites detective Brennan around and tells him that’ Diana Marshall didn’t push him and that it was actually…’ until fakelan walks in and Paul hurriedly changes his story. The detective leaves, and having witnessed what almost transpired, fakelan reacts with outrage. “What have you done!?” he blurts out, the actor’s face contorted into a crude facsimile of contempt.

how dare he attempt to secure justice for his attempted murder!

Kate, meanwhile, has a date with the detective, and with Paul having aroused the detective’s suspicions, Kate endeavours to arouse his testicles.

and fails


Determined not to go to the dance that Tash and Andrew have organised, Chris and Summer decide to stay at home to watch dvds. Chris then proffers an array of movies including ‘sisterhood of the  travelling pants’ and ’27 dresses’.

It’s amusing how the writers’ spur of the moment decision to make Chris gay for plot convenience left them unable to write meaningful dialogue for a gay person, instead changing him, apparently overnight, from gruff basketball captain to mincing stereotype with a fondness for chick flicks.

At any rate, Chris convinces Summer that the best way to stick it to tash is to show up at the dance.

Noting their arrival, Zeke attempts to ‘raise the roof’.

It seems he had an interest in seeing them at the dance. A vested interest.

Seriously though, is his wardrobe just like, all vests?

At Charlie’s, detective Brennan meets Kate to discuss their relationship and his ongoing difficulty in learning how to button his shirt.

I mean, it’s not that hard. A monkey could probably do it

And how!

Back at the dance, and Tash hands summer a drink and then gets all up in her grill. Summer dismisses her, and then to emphasise her point, takes a hearty swig of her drink in Tash’s face

Later, taking a break from the dancefloor, Summer spies Tash and Andrew cavorting. Jealous and angry, Summer abandons caution and grabs another drink.

Summer overdoes it on the drinks though, so naturally, this happens

The puzzling thing about these scenes, however, is that it wasn’t alcohol that Summer was drinking, they were energy drinks. Look at the pictures above. In the context of the dance and with regard to Summer’s actions, everything points towards alcohol consumption. It’s as though the writers wanted to do a story about alcohol, but at the last second decided that the notion of a 17 year old drinking at a dance would be ‘too edgy’, and so chose to focus on the ‘contentious’ issue of reckless energy drink consumption instead.The writers truly are dickless

It turns out that Summer is predisposed to caffeine-related fainting. Odd, considering she is rarely outside the coffee shop.
Anyway, Karl checks out Summer and during his diagnosis learns that Summer is in love with Andrew

'teenage girl with attraction to feminine-featured boy. Looks like a simple case of bieber fever'


With Steph in prison, Charlie’s contunued role in the show is becoming increasingly difficult to justify, though he did come in handy after the prop department misplaced their doorstop.

what the fuck?

oh well..

Tash, meanwhile, is eager to ensnare Andrew, and asks him if he loves her, but he’s far too busy not growing masculine facial hair to answer

Instead he kind of mumbles feebly, until Tash tells him that she was just kidding, in an attempt to save face. You see, he is actually in love with Summer, and we know this because we see him look at her profile on facebook

What an age we live in..

At the Scully residence, Lyn wants to launch an appeal on Steph’s sentence, but Steph is against it. As Toadie wants to honour steph’s wishes and refuses to appeal, Lyn declares that she’ll just have to find another lawyer who will. Personally, I’d have thought that an appeal would require the involvement of the convicted individual, but evidently that isn’t the case at all. Maybe I can appeal the sentence of the Son of Sam, I always thought he got a raw deal

Murders schmurders, look at those puppy dog eyes..

So with Toadie refusing counsel, there is obviously only one option left to Lyn…drum roll…Tim Collins!

Like the Alaskan malamute, Collins divests himself of hair during summertime, in order to be sleeker, more efficient


Tim Collins gets on his mobile and starts working on the case immediately

he says 'asap Tony' and pronounces it "A-Sap", so we know he means business

So Toadie won’t represent Steph simply because Steph doesn’t want to appeal, so Lyn hires Tim Collins at great expense. Logic dictates that the case could not proceed without Steph’s agreement, however. But if she did provide assent, then Toadie would have no issue with representing her and would surely avail himself for a nominal fee, if not pro bono.

Toadie = a                                                 Assent = x

Collins = b                                                 Appeal = y

Steph = c

(b + c) – x ≠ y

a = c + x

∴ x + c + a = y


Over at Toadie’s, Sonya gets a portentous phone call. We know this because the camera zooms in and eerie music plays. We then see her hang up with the intriguing line, “don’t call me again!’

So who could it be on the other end of the phone? Only time, and bad storytelling, will tell.

Over breakfast at the Kennedy’s, Zeke catches up with the newspaper’s fashion supplement to check out the season’s hottest looks.

A vest, made from real gorilla chest?

Sonya gets a knock on the door. Her face tells me it’s the mysterious caller. So who is it? It’s a random, hot asian girl.

'Hey big sister!' ... wait...what?

I guess the writers came under pressure to include more ethnic diversity on the show and so have wedged in an asian girl to play the role of sister to the goofiest, whitest girl on ramsay st

I wonder what ridiculous storyline they’ll concoct to address this, if in fact they ever do

And next week on neighbours, the return of Billy Kennedy, with a sweet new tan!


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