Neighbours Recap 13th – 17th December 2010

by

Monday

Well it’s the last week in 2010 for Neighbours and Christmas time usually means some kind of horrible event will wipe out a few characters.  It really should be a time of mourning for the veteran residents.

Anyway, we start at the General Store when Paul gives Lyn an invoice for the General Store’s rent, which seems like fixed business cost that would be expected.  For some reason it immediately causes Lyn grief.  Perhaps Bobby McFerrin can cheer her up:

The landlord say your rent is late

he may have to litigate

But don’t worry, be happy

Look at me I am happy

Don’t worry, be happy

Here I give you my phone number, when you worry, call me, I make you happy.

bobby-mcferrin Sorry, Lyn.  He’s married.

Maybe Sonny and Cher can cheer Lyn up:

[HER:] They say our love won’t pay the rent
Before it’s earned, our money’s all been spent
[HIM:] I guess that’s so, we don’t have a pot
But at least I’m sure of all the things we got
[HIM:] Babe
[BOTH:] I got you babe I got you babe

That’s sure to cheer her up.  And you’ll be glad to know I’ve exhausted all the rent references in songs I know. 

So this rent bill coupled with the excessive legal cost to appeal Steph’s case has put Lyn in a spot of financial bother.  Her immediate reaction is to cease the appeal, which makes sense because the whole appeal made no sense in the first place, as Dinnerdog aptly pointed out in last week’s recap.  Err, wait.

Realtor “Oh, my.  That wall will really sell this property.”  *click*

Lyn’s immediate reaction is to sell her (isn’t it Steph’s?) house, because that is the only sensible option, but if it means she fucks off then I’m all for it.  The real estate agent explains that the sale may take some time.

She is actually an idiot.

Her next option is to ask Paul for a loan, which he duly declines.  Then the most awkwardly presented option is subtly driven down our throats.

Insurance

Wire

Surely if you were going to intentionally burn your house down in an effort to commit insurance fraud, you’d look for the most controlled manner in which to do so, thus not endangering people’s lives.  Also the likelihood of this “working” seems about equal to the sequence of events leading to Ringo’s death.

Sonya’s sister, Jade, is staying at the House of Trouser in Toady and Callum’s absence.  Sonya is constantly concerned about secrets Jade may reveal, destroying the cushy suburban life she currently enjoys.

baggage Jade comes with baggage

They quickly make their way to Charlie’s where Jade meets her only potential mating partner, Lucas.  The sleaze is immediate.

sleaze

Lucas reminds me of the peanut butter guy from Kraft ads from back in the day.

Like the rest of us, Lucas is also surprised to find out Sonya has an Asian sister.  I’m willing to overlook this genetic difference, just like the writers are doing, because Jade is hot.  Until.

bullshit Why?  Just why.

Tuesday

The Christmas tree’s lights flash and the camera zooms in ominously.

treeThe acting isn’t entirely wooden.  ZING!!

It’s got a similar screen presence to Pizza the Hutt.

pizza-the-hut-img Kind of triangular and shit.

At the General Store, Paul offers Kate and Sophie tickets to Sydney so they can spend Christmas with Harry.  Paul seems to think that Kate can influence her detective boyfriend to not re-open the case of Who-dun-it.  It seems Paul is placing a massive reliance on a relationship that is two awkward dates long.  Actually, I have absolutely no idea what Paul thinks Kate can do to help him, except keep silent.

Pepper Almost a Pepper cameo.

Which reminds me, non-returning boomerangs are called Kylies, all but confirming Kylie will never return.

In the promos for tonight’s episode Kate exclaims “something’s burning” which was followed by screenshots of Lyn looking worried and the sound of fire engines. It’s all done with this horrible voice over.

In the episode Kate says “something’s burning” and Fabio flicks something off the bottom of a pan. 

burningWhat a cynical way to mock your viewers, Susan Bower.

Kate decides to return Paul’s present, because she wants to take the moral high ground.  Instead she says she’ll buy herself and Sophie a bus ticket.  Presumably the writers are still living in the 90s when plane tickets were somewhat more expensive.  A one-way flight from Melbourne to Sydney is $40 and only takes an hour. 

Back at the general store, Lyn is talking to the evil lawyer.  Apparently Lyn has had an off-screen visit with Steph and has decided she isn’t appealing. 

not appealing Not appealing at all.

Apparently Steph told Lyn she didn’t want to appeal, which has been her position the whole time.  But since nothing has changed, Lyn has decided to no longer appeal the charges because the ridiculous circumstances for the fire setup is now established.

Pepper He better fucking die.

Wednesday

Detective Brennan’s investigative methods are somewhat unusual.  Firstly, in an effort to get more information he has sunk to a deep low, by dating Kate Ramsay.  The two have on screen banter which is horrible and includes post-coital waxed chest shots of Brennan.

glass He also calls her “Ramsay” which just sounds dumb.

Believing he is close to cracking the case, Detective Brennan is a bit overzealous to interrogate his next witness.

Over a barrel He couldn’t even wait until they got to a bedroom.

Tash tells Andrew that Declan was arrested at Charlie’s.  She isn’t sure why he was arrested, but hazards a guess that it was due to his hairstyle. With lines like that, Tash remains the best character.

Thursday

Summer’s hairstyle is somehow more ridiculous in tonight’s episode.

Ponytail Just add a ponytail

Andrew’s “business partner”, Thomas, decides to ask out Summer.  They go on a horrible date and Andrew lurks in the background.  Andrew and Thomas constantly reference their business partnership, but never go beyond say stuff like “we’re in business together” or “this is a really important business meeting”.  It’s quite annoying.

Detective Brennan has studied some video of Kate playing with her locket.

Locket Apparently she plays with her locket when she lies

Detective Brennan asks Kate to come in for another interview.  He asks her if she was lying, resulting in Kate breaking down and revealing how ridiculous this storyline has been. 

Ok, so that didn’t happen, instead he goes and buys Kate a new locket.  He puts it on with an ominously awkward look on his face.

Locket I told you he had unconventional methods.

Friday

Summer pines over Andrew in the most clichéd manner possible.

Summer  She looks to her bedroom roof for guidance.

She decides to distract herself with a bit of arts and crafts.

Summer She adds the lights to the Christmas tree.

Then back to pining.

Summer

The roof Gods have answered her prayers.

Summer

Summer goes on a bleating diatribe in an effort to justify making out with Andrew.  I don’t get it, the writers seem to put an extraordinary amount of effort into establishing characters as morally righteous goodies.  Then undo all that effort by making them do something morally reprehensible like cheating.  In this particular instance, the cheating only exists due to the writers undying commitment to love triangles.

Summer’s diatribe ends with her saying that she has loved Andrew since the day she met him.  That seems completely at odds with what actually happened.  She almost hooked up with Harry, until some ridiculousness ended that, then she dated Chris and we all know how that ended.

2009 Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras Parade

So Summer and Andrew hook up while the Christmas tree prepares for judgement.

zIt doesn’t look like Zeke will die.

I honestly think the Christmas tree has been the best prop Neighbours has ever used.  It has managed to steal every scene it’s in, we had the crescendo and now it’s time for the big finally.

prop  

Donna has been accepted into a fashion school in New York.  Apparently Ringo put in an application on her behalf and only mentioned it to Zeke.

z Who is conveniently on hand to fill in the back story.

The writers seem to have a very limited understanding of consent.  Similar to the problem of Lyn wanting to appeal Steph’s case, Ringo wouldn’t be able to apply for this uni without Donna’s consent.  But Ramsay St manages to produce another genius of their choosen field.  I suppose Donna’s reason for departure is more believable than Ben’s.

The previews for next year don’t provide anything interesting, so that’s it for another year, folks. 

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