Neighbours recap 7th-11th February 2011

by

First of all, I want to praise the excellent work done by the members of the facebook group ‘the Art of Neighbours’- reading the comments and the pictures gives me a laugh every day. Keep up the good work guys!

MON

To come up with a plan to raise money for the rebuilding of Lyn’s home, Karl calls a meeting of “the mens shed” where they sit in a bar and sip orange juice.

Today is the day, apprently, that Andrew intends to tell Tash the truth about Summer, and the writers seek to show us that Summer feels guilty about this whole affair. Because the writers lack subtlety, they have Tash come up to Summer and warmly embrace her

Michael also pulls Summer aside and praises her loyalty toward Tash, and how good of a friend she is. We get it! The writers don’t have to ram it down our throats.

take it, viewer!

Anyway, I guess the neighbours makeup department, also known as Matthew Werkmeister, couldn’t be bothered applying a fake scar to Tash’s neck each episode, as Karl gives her the all clear regarding her burn.

Meanwhile, over at the gym, Detective Underpants makes another shirtless appearance

Karl suggests that he pose in the men’s shed homoerotic calendar moneymaking venture, but he declines. It seems he’s only willing to strip off when there isn’t a reason for him to do so.

Upon learning that underpants won’t be participating in the calendar, Zeke looks like a kid who’s just been told that Santa is fake

Still in charlie’s bar, and the men’s club decision to infrequently imbibe alcohol is justified, as, after a sip of beer apiece, Karl makes the decision on their behalves to go completely nude for the calendar.

Anyway, to whom, precisely, do they expect to sell these calendars? Would Karl and Toadie’s decision to peddle pornography featuring themselves not undermine their standing in their respective professional communities? How much money could they possibly stand to make from this anyway, once the cost of printing is factored in? Also, I assume you’d need some kind of license to manufacture and distribute pornography for profit. To my surprise, in the next scene, all of these concerns are addressed elegantly and succinctly.

Sigh..anyway, at the end of the episode, Tash heads over to Andrew’s and catches him kissing Summer.

TUE

Having caught Andrew with Summer, tash elects to take bizarre retribution- specifically by smooshing her chicken dinner into summer’s bedsheets

.

wow, remind me never to get on the bad side of a neighbours writer

While out for a jog, Pat Cash learns that Toadie leaked plans for the nude calendar to Sonya.

Pat Cash is not impressed. “Jarrod!!” he bellows, “Loose lips sink sheds!!”

Speaking of loose lips, you’d think that Toadie would have learned by now that Sonya had been through childbirth.

Jade then catches Toadie checking out her sister’s arse.

Instead of castigating him, she instead makes an extra special effort to look attractive for her man

Looks like it's win-win for toadie!

To get back at Andrew, Tash has arranged a special surprise. It’s not breakfast in, or on, bed, but rather, the revelation that she is pregnant. Pretending to be pregnant seems like an unusal choice of revenge, but anyway,  when Tash caught Andrew and Summer I actually thought that ther writers were going to resolve this Andrew cheating storyline quickly. Nope. Here’s to 9 more months of this bullcrap! I’m amazed that even after all this time, neighbours can still make me feel naive.

WED

Tensions arise at the car yard as Crafty Kyle’s sales techniques fail to yield results, and he’s frustrated by Lou’s continual interventions during his sales pitch. He quits, so Lou rehires him, and after tense negotiations, Kyle receives not just his job back and assurances of autonomy, but a $10 per week payrise!

It can be my deposit on a six pack of beer!

Because abortions don’t exist on neighbours, Tash and Andrew make plans for the baby’s future, with Andrew resolving to be a good father. Honestly, in this day and age would the issue of an abortion really be so controversial? Not to mention that it be unrealistic for Tash’s character to want to carry a baby to term- i mean, this is the same girl who thought a miniscule burn mark was a life changing disaster- i wonder how she’d feel about stretch marks, saggy tits, yeast infections, hemorrhoids, vaginal discharge and increased hair growth. Most importantly though, is that it’d be a fake abortion- in that she’s not really pregnant, so there’d be no justification for moral outrage. Are the writers so dickless that even the suggestion of an abortion is impermissable?

THU

The producers delve deep into their box of tricks as they show summer sitting still inside Harold’s, as artsy time-lapse footage of people whirring behind her go about their business

The effect of this, presumably, is to show the devastating effect losing the love of her life, Andrew, has had on her. This whole Romeo & Juliet/Cathy & Heathcliff business would be a lot more convincing had Summer not previously chosen, ahead of Andrew, Harry and a homosexual. Hey, wasn’t that a movie?

Anyway, I guess the writers have just forgotten, or are willing to f0rget, that that ever happened.

Over at Erinsborough garage, Lucas takes the kids enrolled in grease monkeying  on a tour of his business. During the tour, Summer notices some of his trophies, which prompts plotsy to ask about his racing career. “When you’re racing,” begins Lucas, “it’s all about speed. And I don’t mean how fast you’re going!”

So, erm, what do you mean Lucas?

Lucas even goes into detail about the ‘high you feel’ while ‘racing’. This leads plotsy to question why, if he’s so proud, does he keep his trophies stuck away in a cupboard. “Because I’m not up myself!” he replies, believing this serves as a reasonable explanation as to why he maintains a shrine to himself, replete with ribbons, trophies and a home-made poster emblazoned with the words ‘My Hero’ and a drawing of himself in the likeness of superman

After class, Lucas has a lunchtime meeting with his crippled buddy at Charlies. Lucas gets carried away in describing his eagerness to participate in the big race until crips drops a bombshell on him- he needs to throw the race

"you need to throw the race"

This is because a flabby, washed up loser, who in his last race was soundly beaten by his high school principal brother- who doesn’t even have testicles, and whose last motorcycle ride ended with a serious crash, must be such an unbackable favourite among the betting public that an upset would reap rich reward for the conspirators.

Anyway, now that neighbours has moved to channel 11, I guess the writers feel emboldened to introduce more risque scenes- and so we have chris, formerly a pretty everday guy, now a lusty stereotype. With his gay meter cranked all the way up, Chris makes mention of Lucas being hot, along with numerous references to how badly he wanted to bang Andrew, through to his frustration at still being a virgin.

To this end, dessert with Summer takes on a bizarre slant, as Summer instructs Chris on sexual technique, using balls of ice cream and a bottle of  chocolate topping as surrogate genitals

That's right, you squeeze it just so and it pours out. All over the balls.

They then sit down to enjoy the fruits of his labour

mmm, yummy yummy

FRI

Having been bashed by Garland’s thugs on account of not having thrown the race, Lucas crawls home.

I’m just disappointed we didn’t get to witness the hired goon smack his baseball bat repeatedly in Lucas’ pudding-like underbelly. Also, Garland?

A garland

also a garland

Not exactly the toughest name in the planet. Maybe it is to the fruits who write this garbage, I dunno.

In other news, Zeke goes to the gum to pump his ‘guns’ in front of Sophie

Fans of south park will appreciate what I mean when I say that his pansy histrionics made me blow my funny fuse- it was that funny. Even Callum finds the humour in it

though that could be on account of the goblin to his left

And in perhaps the most nonsenical scene, Garland wrecks Lucas’ garage in order to scare Lucas into paying him the money he feels he’s owed

Crippling his revenue stream will surely expedite the repayment!

Speaking of crippling, I wonder if it’ll transpire that Garland’s goons are the reason why Lucas’ friend has such a sweet ride?

And here I am, using my legs like a sucker!

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One Response to “Neighbours recap 7th-11th February 2011”

  1. AoNSquelch Says:

    Thanks for the AoN mention – we’re so proud you like us! Another excellent week’s recap, I especially liked:

    Speaking of loose lips, you’d think that Toadie would have learned by now that Sonya had been through childbirth.

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