Neighbours recap April 25th-29th 2011

by

MON

Without Sonya’s moderating influence, Toadie has reverted to the sorry slob we all knew and loved, with underpants everwhere and a kitchen full of dirty dishes.

meanwhile, while pleasuring his boyfriend, Chris’ jaw locked up, leaving him with an embarassing – but highly entertaining- dilemma.

Outside, Paul makes a humorous comment to Andrew:

"So, I just saw Summer with the gay kid"

he does not elaborate, but the inference is clearly that he’s concerned about Andrew, and specifically, the influence that Summer, or, ‘the gaymaker’ has had on him.

At the university, despite studying different courses, the teens all attend a literature class

which is held in a kitchen because, well...um..

Andrew then strides in and moistens a visibly stunned Summer with such astute literary analysis as “it’s about a girl who makes assumptions about other people and regrets it later. I think a lot of people do that.” Although,¬† his observation may have merit, like the way in which the writers of this show assume they can continue to ladel scripted slop into the viewer’s television trough and not have these viewers switch off their set in disgust.

Over at the house of justice, the writers attempt to foister some kind of ham-fisted ‘odd couple’-esque humour on us as brennan spends the day cleaning only for toadie to mess it all up in a minute

that incorrigible toadfish!

Outside lassiters, Andrew is concerned that the other teens are angry at him and so seeks Paul’s counsel.

“The enemy always fears that which it knows it cannot conquer” he theatrically advises Andrew. That someone on the writing staff would consider this a profundity is quite telling.

TUE

Despite having every reason to hate and mistrust them, Tash decides to make amends with Andrew and Summer, not because it makes sense (it doesn’t), but because her continued presence on the show would be untenable without them, there being only a handful of teenage regular cast members.

And also because it's very difficult for a fun-loving, smoking hot girl to make new friends

Over at Toadie’s, Sonya shows Callum his family tree

Naturally, as with all things in neighbours, it raises more questions than it answers- such as ‘was Callum immaculately conceived?’ and ‘If Sonya and Jade share the same parents, why on earth is Jade an asian???!’

WED

As the new head of erinsborough police, Callum intends to shake things up, and to establish authority among his subordinates, he begins by bustings Brennan’s chops

Hey chuckles, how about a coffee?

Over at Lou’s, Kate and Jade chat about Sonya. “Sonya sits when she’s in a crisis. I run” she muses. First of all- sonya sits when she’s in a crisis? Jade says this like it’s Sonya’s defining characteristic, as though Sonya sits so infrequently that for her to do so is representative deep emotional distress

what a waste, that looks like a comfy seat

Brennan asks Kate for a coffee, which, according to Jade, means he’s ‘not serious’. I guess meeting in a library to discuss fiscal theory would have shown her how serious he was.

Anyway, because Brennan cancelled, Kate decides to use Kyle as an unwitting pawn in her cruel game of revenge, asking him out on a date. What a bitch.

THU

Returning from their date of dancing, Kate suggests Kyle pick a dvd while she ‘makes them some drinks’. Despite both of them being over 18, the drinks are, of course, iced coffees. I don’t get it- they’ve shown people having beers at the pub before- why not have Kyle and Kate enjoy a glass of wine? I really wish neighbours would grow a pair of balls. Anyway, while Kate scorns Kyle by checking her phone ever 5 minutes for messages from brennan, Kyle sifts through Lucas’ dvd collection, selecting from amidst the reservoir of jack black films and amateur pornography a film titled ‘T’

“It’s terminator!” enthuses Kyle. This is odd, because the dvd was patently marked ‘T’, and looked suspiciously like a supermarket dvd-R. I suspect that this dvd is an illegal bootleg, I wonder if Brennan knows about this- Lucas would see jail time for sure!

Finding some time in between leading Kyle on, Kate cries over her cancelled date with brennan

has this cunt of a person no shame?

They then fall asleep on the couch, and in the morning are rudely awoken by Lucas and jade, who, with a megaphone and saucepan lids respectively, feel obligated to jerk them from their slumber.

“Ergh, what time is it?” asks kate, groggily. “It’s just gone 8!” comes Lucas’ reply

Wake up lazybones! it's almost 8am! On a weekend!

Jade then turns to Kate and shrieks “so what happened with the big date? it was a fizzer, wasn’t it?” While Kyle is sitting right there

Poor Kyle

Susan, meanwhile, is feeling lonely without Summer, Lyn and Charlie in the house anymore. She heads over to Lyn’s and bothers her for a while, before heading home, despondent- at least until Karl, with a twinkle in his eye, suggests a more exciting use of their time

Oh dear God

Their bizarre lovemaking is interrupted, however, by Lyn and Charlie, who burst in through the front door just as Karl was about to take Mr Smith to Washington, leading to this excellent scene:

Poor Karl, his balls as blue as the box, can scarcely conceal his disappointment

FRI

In the gym, Jade and Kate discuss the merits of going on a date with Kyle. With Kate concerned that he might not be marriage material, Jade reminds her that ‘dating need not lead to a relationship’ and that she should have some ‘simple, no strings attached fun.’ Maybe it’s just me, but that sounds a lot like a fuck buddy- but that couldn’t be right, this is neighbours, where even married couples barely ever have sex

eh Karl?

to give you perspective on how terrible this episode is, a significant amount of time is dedicated to Libby’s feelings of guilt as to whether she tried hard enough to sell Paul’s ‘lassiters for lunches’ proposal to Michael

"I just feel like i could have done more...."

Getting ready for her date with Kyle, Lucas questions Kate’s choice of outfit. “You usually make more of an effort on a date”, claims Lucas, again displaying his ignorance of the female psyche. “I just don’t want him to get the wrong idea” is Kate’s reply. The wrong idea, being, presumably, that Kate would be sufficiently interested in him to make a modicum of effort. What a bitch.

Later, over drinks at Charlie’s, Paul reveals that getting Michael to award the school lunches programme to lassiters was part of a master plan to get revenge on Michael.

Really, school lunches? Paul's schemes aren't what they used to be

And what school lunches? we’re not in America- public schools don’t give you fucking lunch.

At Charlie’s, Andrew stumbles over his lines. “I’m going to get the um.. steak.” he informs Paul. Andrew should know that there’s always a useful mnemonic to help remember his lines, such as “going to a women’s salon to get my hair cut was a mis-steak”

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One Response to “Neighbours recap April 25th-29th 2011”

  1. Squelch Says:

    This blog never fails to make me laugh out loud. Literally.

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