Archive for June, 2011

Neighbours recap 13th-17th June 2011

June 29, 2011


With Kyle penniless, he tells Jade of his desire to head west to do some mining. I guess by West he means West Waratah, which is about the most exotic location ever mentioned on neighbours. Jade, however, has other ideas, and introduces him to one of her clients, ‘an investor’, presumably in hope of her finding merit in one of his business ideas and  thus providing him with incentive to stay on ramsay st. Unfortunately for Jade,  despite Kyle’s ideas being as half-baked as one of Lyn’s coffee shop muffins, the investor and him hit it off – three times better than anticipated! At least, i think that’s what the fancy editing is supposed to be conveying

Luckily for Kyle, however, Jade truly loves him and wants the best for him and his future, so she approaches the two of them and calls the investor a slut.

Lou, meanwhile, is displaying symptoms of deteriorating health, so Harold gets Lucas to spy on Lou

by bribing him with a bagel. Honestly

Anyway, despite Lucas reporting that Lou is in perfect health, Harold and Toadie nevertheless stage an intervention, where they try to convince Lou that’s he’s simply working much too hard

Toadie: "That's right Lou, you've been working harder than the seam in Sonya's jeans"

Lou does not heed their advice, so naturally, being neighbours, this happens, moments later:

how many ramsay st residents have collapsed now? All of them?


Lou’s collapse is revealed by Karl to have been caused by an electrolyte imbalance caused by working too hard, which seems improbable, but then, if there’s  anything the writers are ignorant of, it’s what would happen as a result of a person applying effort in their profession.

At any rate, Lou’s ill-health is really just a lazy plot device to get him to sell the car yard. Evidently maintaining any more than about 3 sets was too tall an order for the producers.

Elsewhere on ramsay st, because some ridiculous future storyline probably requires Andrew to attend uni, Summer attempts to persuade a reluctant andrew, firstly by taking him on a tour of the campus in order to showcase the university’s diversity and celebration of individuality, where people are free to look, and act, like this guy looks and (probably) acts:

not knowing what fate the writers had in store for him, this poor kid probably told all his friends, excitedly, that he was going to be an extra on neighbours and made them all promise to watch

Summer then practices for a post-neighbours career of shampoo commercials, while simultaneously elongating her chin to bizarre, roger ramjet-like dimensions.

Although Andrew initially resists the notion of attending uni, Summer is wily and persistant, and eventually persuades Andrew through crafty reasoning, which proceeds thusly:

Summer: “I just want us to go together”

Andrew:  “ok, that’s a good enough reason for me”

'to make a major life decision, at the expense of the best years of my life and several thousand dollars'

In Lou’s worst investment since Little Tommy Tuckers, he announces to Kyle that he intends to sell the car yard and give the proceeds to him in order to help him start up his Home Handyman business, for which Kyle apparently needs 10k.

10 grand? Is that how much toolbelts cost these days?

Kyle, Jade and detective underpants have a housewarming party, however, Brennan is too concerned about the condition of the house to enjoy himself and instead stands silent in the corner

Kate tells Kyle not to worry about Brennan, that he’s just anxious about the carpet, so to wind him up, Kyle ejaculates onto the coffee table, making his best O face as he goes about his business


Jade is aroused by this childish display, however, and kisses Kyle.

"Now i've pashed both my housemates! That isn't weird!"

After weeks of pointless build-up, it finally seems like Jade and Kyle are together. Or so you’d think, but no, the writers somehow feel they haven’t dragged this out quite long enough.

Kyle: "so, we're still buddies, right?"


It’s the mornijng after the party, and rowdy partygoers have trashed the house, and made off with all of Brennan’s shirts.

no, just kidding, there was no reason, i think the writers have exhausted their supply of contrivances for Brennan appearing shirtless

Kyle heads to Charlie’s for a greasy hangover breakfast, where he’s criticised by Lou for his unhealthy food choices. At this point, Jade makes an appearances in her trademark gymwear

“See, that’s what you should be doing- sweating out the toxins,” Karl advises Kyle. Now, I understand that the writers are fools, but you’d think they’d at least pay sufficient heed of Karl’s role as the show’s sole medical professional to not have him spout absurd medical myths.

With toadie and sonya back together, Harold realises his work on ramsay st is done and so packs his things away and muses about how Sonya ‘really is a well-rounded individual’

actually, she's more of an oval


Detective Baldy McHaggis meets brennan for a chat, and despite being colleagues who see each other all day and could choose to chat anywhere and at any time, they choose to conduct their rendezvous through the windows of their cars. I guess one of the writers saw a spy film once.

I'm just surprised they didn't have them use the Cone of Silence

Anyway, the other detective compels Brennan to enter the witness protection programme. “The more time you leave it, the more time they have to get to you!” he warns, ominously.

next time, they might even use profanity!

To take his mind off work, Brennan invites Kate on a picnic, leaving Poor Kate wondering if this is a date or not!

I have taken shits that were more interesting than this storyline. Honestly. shits.

Later, paying a surprise visit to Brennan, Lucas is thwarted from sneaking in by a deadlock

Whatever brand that lock is, I want one

Brennan then apologises for the inconvenience. “I was just about to have a shower,” he explains, “and I didn’t want anyone walking in off the street!” Which is fair enough, brennan is, after all, notoriously bashful.

Brennan: "The last time that happened, the intruder reported that I was in possession of some 'giant guns'"

Paul offers Summer an internship at his rag, on the proviso that she convince Andrew to stay at Lassiters rather than go to uni. Seeing that she will require convincing to accept this proposal, Paul reminds Summer that the internship would really “turbocharge” her career, and that, following an internship at erinsborough news, she’d be able to “walk into any news organisation in Australia, any time”

"you mean to say that you wrote THE scullywag piece!? Welcome aboard, Mr. Editor-in-chief!


At Harolds, Chris continues to play the role of effeminate homosexual stereotype as he probes Summer for information about her meeting with Paul

"come on Sum, gimme the juicy goss!"

Speaking of stereotypes, Ivan the wog flouts the law, as is a wog’s wont, by parking his sweet, souped-up wog-wagon in the middle of a public park

And presents unto Summer a gift of bling

frankly, i'm amazed they didn't have him give her a pizza, and pronounce 'Mamma Mia!' as he opened the box with a flourish

After summer tells paul bluntly that she won’t do his bidding, Paul shows up at the Kennedy’s with an offer of internship, complete with superfluous introductions

it's editorial standards like this that make erinsborough news a world class media organisation

Mistrustful of Paul’s motives, Karl interrogates him over Summer’s internship. “What do you get out of this!?” he demands of Paul, “we all know you don’t do something for nothing!”

Karl: I mean, all you'd stand to gain is a dedicated, hardworking employee that you don't even have to pay!