Neighbours recap 16th-20th May

by

MON

Eager to have a suggestive nickname that  will boost his dating prospects among the gay community, Chris begins carrying a tripod with him everywhere

Anyway, Chris seems far more interested in his own gratification than in taking seriously his directorial debut at the helm of Summer’s zombie film. Driven to distraction by Kyle’s determined fisting action, Chris turns his attention to his own chafed member and  masturbates furiously at the spectacle.

The script, meanwhile, is a masterpiece. “I won’t let you go out there!” reads Kyle. ” I don’t care anymore.” replies summer. “Who wants to be the only non-zombie in a zombie world!”

"I mean, like, it'd be sooooo awkward!"

Bear in mind, this was to have been written by someone the writers like to depict as highly intelligent and mature. Sigh. Moving on, on at the park, Sonya catches up with Troy. As she leaves, Troy calls out to her. “Hey Cheech!”, as Sonya turns around excitedly. “No one’s called me that for years!” she gushes

to elicit the same response, Troy could have called her 'attractive'

For the second time in two weeks, a character is prevented, at the last second, from leaving the house in order to go on a date with an estranged lover by virtue of receiving some emotionally crippling news. This time, it’s summer, who runs afoul of Lyn in the magic doorframe.

Lyn pr0ceeds to eagerly tell Summer that they’re moving to Bendigo to be closer to ‘Stiffy’, who has been relocated to a low-security prison. “It’ll be like our whole family will be back together again!” she enthuses.

"OMG! You're right!" agrees Summer. "Except for Max and Boyd and people to whom i'm actually related!"

TUE

Summer remains indignant at Lyn’s plans to relocate to Bendigo. Tempers, and nostrils, flare as Summer fights with Lyn out on the street.

More interestingly, inside Toadie’s house, Erinsborough is, for the first time that i can recall, clearly pinpointed on a real, actual map

The location Toadie points toward appears to be in the vicinity of Cheltenham, a town a mere 18km from Melbourne, which you may know is a cosmopolitan city of 4 million people. But no cupcake stores.

Anyway, Toadie does this because he wants to make a trip to Colac, so that Callum can meet the rest of Toadie’s family, namely, Angie, Big Kev and Stonefish. This would be amazing, them all great characters, but of course the trip never eventuates. You see, despite having just written about the writers relying on this tired, cliched routine, again some characters are prevented from going somewhere due to a last-second announcement of some emotionally crippling news.

Sonya: "Great, you've got the car all packed and set to go? Troy's your father"

Toadie and Callum then discuss the day’s events in a secene that involves both actors with their backs to the camera. An uncvonventional and ineffective technique, i’d have thought, but then i guess I didn’t get a two-month directing degree from community college.

Also in the episode, Andrew and Summer’s unrequited romance intensifies with the news of Summer’s impending departure, but i’m going to assume that you, as I, don’t give a fuck about this so I won’t go into details.

WED

Kyle bursts into the coffee shop with a crafty grin on his face. “Lyn said I can rent her place when she leaves!” he blurts out

So it seems that Lyn has entrusted her home to Kyle, a person she was loathe to even offer a room to a few weeks prior. It also means that Lyn is swimming in sufficient riches to not have to sell her house in erinsborough when she moves, which is odd, considering it was only a few months ago that Lyn was in such dire financial straits she was willing to commit insurance fraud. Furthermore, when her house did burn down, it wasn’t covered by the insurance company, theoretically putting her under greater financial stress. I mean, come on, she’s even resorted to putting her own soured breastmilk in the store coffees in a desperate effort to reduce overheads

Libby and Lucas then meet at Charlie’s to discuss ways they can exacerbate tensions with Karl via their fake relationship, which would have been a delightful comedy caper if not for recent events- events the writers appear to have forgotten.

Libby: Hey, this is just like that time Steph was in a sham relationship with her best friend! My overblown reaction led to a guy getting killed, and Steph put in prison! ahh, good times.

Meanwhile, Kyle busies himself packing his stuff into garbage bags ahead of his move, which Kate seems to find hilarious. “Binbags!” she chortles. “You pack your stuff in bin bags?!”

at least he doesn't dress himself in them, Kate

At the end of the episode, Binbags Ramsay finds out about gymwear’s romantic affair with detective underpants and orders her out of the house.

THU

Kate finds brennan and confronts him angrily. When he suggests they go somewhere else to talk, Kate responds “What’s the matter, afraid you’re going to look stupid?”  Which is an odd statement, coming from a woman with the body of a 12 year old boy, dressed in binbags and screeching desperate presumptions like “when were you going to tell me Mark? When we got back together?”

Outrage seems to be the flavour of the episode, as Lucas moseys out of the Kennedy’s and limbers up in front of Karl in preparation of all the sex he’ll be doing with Libby. This prompts Karl to turn to Susan and demand a solution to this problem. “It’s Libby, and Lucas!” he cries, aghast.

It’s in our home” he continues, likening Lucas to a disgusting rodent that has trespassed into his home, where it might grow fat on scraps of food and wantonly spread its filth.

Anyway, I wonder how Lucas feels about this storyline

"Hang on, the script says that i'm considered so repulsive a specimen that the notion of my being in a sexual relationship would cause disgust among the general community?"

Back at the Kennedy’s, Karl suggests they Skype ben. “Great idea!” exclaims Libby, who proceeds to bore them with an anecdote about how at his school athletics carnival, Ben finished second in hurdles.

which is good practice for all the ones he'll have to overcome in life

The episode then ends with Kyle asking a reluctant Jade to help him get Kate. I say ‘reluctant’ because Jade is apparently in love with Kyle now. Seriously.

FRI

Desperate to sabotage Kyle’s efforts to win Kate’s affections, Jade suggests that Kyle force himself upon her, telling him that ‘girls like that’

look out for Jade's new clothing line, in stores soon!

Kyle isn’t so sure though, and refuses to carry out the plan. Instead, because it makes total sense, he manhandles Jade and kisses her passionately

he then angrily proclaims, “there, how do you like it!” and storms off, feeling as though he has just made an excellent point and not just sexual assault.

At charlie’s, meanwhile, in a hilarious case of art imitating life, Troy tries to start a fight in a bar.

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