Neighbours Recap 20th – 24th June 2011

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Monday

Tash and Whopper flirt over some rudie photos of Tash.  She eventually deletes them, but the storyline plays second fiddle to the mastery of the cameraman.

Neighbours I really love how the window tint creates such a romantic silhouette.

 NeighboursAs Tash leaves the car, the focus changes.

I’d say something about ‘aperture,’ but I know nothing beyond the existence of the word.

Neighbours And it’s a spider.

The use of the spider is interesting, because its generally considered to be scary.  More interesting is that the term ‘rock spider’ refers to paedophiles.

A term used to refer to a paedophile. In common usage within correctional facilities. Derived from the analogy that a paedophile, like a rock spider, is always getting into little cracks. Crass and vulgar, I know, but there it is.

I just realised that calling Ivan ‘Whopper’ might not make sense.

Whopper It’s because he is greasy, like a whopper.

Tash and Chris find themselves at the uni where an extra dares to speak out of turn.

Neighbours ‘I have a dog collar, which makes me cool and cultured and shit.’

Neighbours ‘Also, Whopper is showing everyone rude pictures of you.’

You may recall Detective Underpants put an end to the local police corruption when he arrested another cop who was threatening Kyle.  The storyline lasted something in the order of two episodes and was seemingly fodder to make Kyle and Brennan friends.  Wrong.

Underpants has had a series of ‘attacks’ on him so threatening that he is going into witness protection.  In tonight’s episode, the buster of corrupt police decides to count his money and put it in envelopes.

Neighbours That’s how corruption works right?

Underpants later gets a call on his mobile, but no one is on the other end.  Then another call, same thing.  The phone rings again, he answers and screams at down the receiver.  Kate is on the other end this time.  Who’d’ve thunk.

Neighbours Also, his half nakedness during this scene is shameless in its irrelevance. 

We, the male viewers, must be compensated with more Tash bikini shots.  The spoilers suggest she’ll be doing some modelling soon and there’s always Jade’s reliable sports bra, so I’m less outraged, I suppose.  Oh FFS, what is that.

Neighbours

OK, now Kate’s outfits are just ridiculous.  Let’s get this straight, she has small breasts and big shoulders, neither of which are her fault, but clearly the wardrobe department hates her.  I can only speculate, but my guess is they are envious of her small breasts and large shoulders.

Tuesday

Neighbours Andrew and Summer make out on the couch

The sound effects are so overblown, it reminds me of this classic Southpark scene.

Regretting his decision to hump Kate, Mark quietly sneaks out of her room in the morning.  He is clearly hopeful that no one will know about his presumably drunken booty call with this ugmo.  Hilariously his mates down at the station are quick to play pranks on him.

Neighbours

He turns over the page.

NeighboursHe really isn’t looking forward to the walk of shame on Monday morning at the office.

After finding out what ‘pash and dash’ means, I guess as an attempt to characterise Kate as innocent, she approaches Detective Underpants.  Undies is clearly regrets his latest indiscretion and lets Kate off as tenderly as he can.

Neighbours ‘Baby, you got real ugly.’

Kate is furious at Undies now she knows it was just a one nighter, which reminds me of that time she broke up with Fake-Declan, then slept with him again and basically told him that was a mistake. 

Wednesday

Today begins Neighbours’ cheap forgery of the TV show 24.  I’ve not watched 24, but I assume 90% of the drama is a constant heart beat soundtrack sliced with some tick tock sound effects.  At least that’s what we’re blessed with here.  Usual Neighbours is effectively a highlights package of the characters’ day and it’s boring enough.

Kate has decided to leave Ramsay St with Undies and go into witness protection.  She demands Sophie pack a small bag with essential, non-replaceable possessions and……

BOOM!!!

Neighbours A close up of a clock!

After stuffing around for half the episode, Sophie decides to leave with them and………

BOOM!!!!

Neighbours tick, tick, tick, tick.

BOOM!

Neighbours

Kate and Sophie run all the way to the pick up point, which is a car park.  The drama is heightened when…

Neighbours Sophie pointlessly trips over.

The writers really are hacks, but the audio team is working over time and getting all the attention, which pisses off the editor.

BOOM!

Neighbours Split-screen!

Also, why is Kate running?  Surely she realised the car park was some distance away, why did she opt not to take a ride with Undies?

Oh I see, it’s so Kate could be just too late making Undies leave without her.  This was an alarmingly bad episode. 

Thursday

After last night’s shit-filled time bomb of exploding shit, we return to standard Neighbours again.  This happens for 15 straight minutes.

Neighbours‘Wah, wah, wah….. Wah.’ To a backing track of indie music.

The rest of the episode focuses on trying to make this lady look like an overly conservative bitch.

Neighbours  ‘I’ve heard stories about you, Sonya, and I don’t really want my son to spend the night at Callum’s house as a result.’

And rightly so.  Sonya’s ill-defined, but somehow reckless formative years combined with her crazy stalking of Callum pretty much make her a psycho to any normal person. 

Worried that none of this storyline makes any sense, Sonya suggests they get married so it never happens again.

Neighbours ‘Ok, so that lady was right, you are a psycho.’

Toady says no, but they continue to discuss it and…

Neighbours ‘You guys are getting married?’

Nice timing, Callum.

Friday

Callum’s disappointed to learn they aren’t getting married.  He theorises that it’s not like people marry anyone, apparently forgetting when his dad married Steph in a sham wedding.

Later in the episode, Toady reveals why he doesn’t want to get married.

Neighbours ‘I can’t help feeling that if we do go there, something will go wrong.’

Given that this has dragged over two entire episodes that’s a very, very unsatisfactory reason.

At the garage Chris is developing a sparkling little drama all by his bothersome self.  He has decided that he wants to be a mechanic and starts work experience at the garage with Lucas.  BUT, and this is a big but because it’s been driven down our throats a number of times now, Chris’ dad won’t accept him being a mechanic.  Apparently he is worried that becoming a mechanic is too manly for a girly little boy, like Chris. 

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