Neighbours recap 27th June – 1st July

by

MON

Playing a game of pool at Charlie’s by himself, you know, like people do, Chris is approached by Tash, who compliments him on his ensemble

“Just a little bit of product in your hair and some aviators and you’d totally rock that hot tradie look!” explains Tash, helpfully.

Apparently the very look Tash is describing

Andrew gets an email from Macca and reacts with surprise when he realises that Macca has sent him nude photos of Tash. “Hey, look Summer, that’s tash!”

Summer: "No Andrew, of course it isn't weird that you'd want to show me nude pictures of your ex girlfriend"

Lucas becomes aware of the pictures, and heads over to Charlie’s, knowing instinctively that Michael was there.

he also ,knew, instinctively, that tash would be in the bathroom and that Michael would have his laptop. That rat cunning really is formidable

Lucas then makes Michael check his emails and look at illicit photos of his daughter. What father would want to see that? Why wouldn’t Lucas just tell Michael what had happened instead? I guess because it’s Lucas we’re talking about. Not that Michael really took much convincing, his lecherous leering and not-quite-fatherly hugs belying a level of affection for tash quite beyond what is considered normal, or legal.

TUE

Michael drags Tash home and confronts her over the photos. Tash insists, however, that the photos were faked, her face photoshopped onto another body, but Michael doesn’t buy this for a second

"Bullshit! I'd recognise those tits anywhere!"

Michael then runs into Ivan and his cronies at Charlie’s, sharing the picture of Tash and having a good chuckle about the whole affair. Michael approaches them and agrees that the pictures are hot- so hot they need a cool drink.

except he didn't say that, because the writers are bereft of even that small amount of wit

Lucas, meanwhile, is all primed and ready to attend his father’s funeral, until he spills some of his grease on himself

that's what you get for polishing your tool before your own father's funeral, sicko

Despondent, Lucas heads to Lassiters and chats to Paul, who is anxious to see him attend the funeral for some reason- to the extent that he forces one of his employees to strip then and there in order to provide Lucas with a replacement suit

Paul's business tips #342: Forcing an employee to strip in a public area is a good morale-building exercise and totally isn't harassment

Unfortunately, Lucas, like his brother, lacks balls, so finds himself unable to enter the funeral home, loitering in his car instead. Stuck in limbo, he tries calling his dad for advice

hmm...

In the end, Lucas does not attend the funeral. He then sits in Charlie’s and recounts the humorous events of the day, before deciding to try giving his dad another try

"You know who likes funny stories? Dad!"

Tash, meanwhile, maintains the lie that Ivan took the photos without her knowledge, so Michael threatens to call the police, since Tash “is a minor”.

A minor what? Annoyance? She's 17!

Ivan then shows up on ramsay st to menace tash, but instead finds Michael waiting for him, who advances upon him and cleans his clock

"Ow, my schnoz!"

WED

With tash’s pics spreading faster  than Susan Kennedy on sandwich day, the erinsborough community jump online to voice their opinions on the matter. Mathlete Lisa Devine attempts to prove Tash’s low morality index via a complex equation

Ivan makes his way to the school and demands Tash come clean and tell Michael that she sent the photos, but tash remains adamant that she’d prefer to lie and implicate him. 3 seconds later, Michael emerges from his office and Ivan suggests to him that he ask tash who really sent the photos, which he then does.

'now, there was something i was going to do here....look guilty and admit culpability through my silence? that must have been it.'

At the community gardens, Sonya takes Callum and Sophie’s class through correct planting procedures or some shit, but callum, ever the trickster, has a surprise up his sleeve for Sonya- a rubber snake, which he intends to use to prank Sonya. If he really wanted to frighten her, why doesn’t he present her with something that she’d really find terrifying?

like an outfit that doesn't strategically conceal her fat can

the end of the episode sees Kate mope in a park over her lost love, brennan. Say, how many weeks ago was it that she was going on dates with Kyle and he was fucking jade? Two?

THU

With Brennan having high tailed it from ramsay st, Jade and Kyle start the process of  throwing out all the shit that he left behind, or they would, if Kate didn’t insist on hoarding it all, like a fucking crazy person.

"mmm, never been worn. Yep, this shirt is brennan's alright"

FRI

Hoping to get his rat claws on some riches, Lucas attends the reading of his father’s will and regales Toadie with stories about how his father was a bum, and that he’s ‘nothing like his father’

"i'm nothing like that rat-faced loser!'

The lawyer handling the will begins proceedings by reading a letter from Lucas’ dad, but when Lucas feels he’s being emotionally blackmailed by his late father’s words, he leaves. Later in the episode,  toadie meets Lucas at charlies and convinces him to return and listen to the remainder of the letter, which he does. Seeing as nothing is gained from this 5-minute interlude, i’m forced to conclude that the writers no longer have the ability to craft enough content for each 21-minute episode and so have to pad out each script with pointless nonsense just to meet broadcast requirements.

Anyway, Lucas receives an urn, and is bitterly disappointed that it contains not bagels and only his father’s dust.

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One Response to “Neighbours recap 27th June – 1st July”

  1. Simon T Says:

    “Never been worn” – comic genius, man.

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