Neighbours Recap 15th – 19th August 2011



For weeks we have been tortured by Susan’s platonic relationship with Jim Dolan as she supports his battle with terminal cancer.  We left off, as Jim is rushed to hospital after he collapses at the Kennedy’s house, the stress of the situation causes Susan to re-assess her nursely instincts.

neighbours “Now that I think about it, Jim is pretty fucking boring and self centred.  No wonder he didn’t have any family or friends”

I agree, Susan.  It’s probably best he dies right now and we pretend none of this ever happened.  Karl emerges from privacy of the open venetian blinded emergency room.

neighbours “I did my worst, but I’m too damn good.  He’s still alive.”

But for the time being he is still unconscious, so Susan feel free to pretend Jim is at all worthwhile being around.

neighbours Just pray that he won’t wake up.

Later, Karl talks to Dr Cottage Cheese Genitals and asks to take over as the practicing physician for Jim Dolan.  Dr Crusted Knob agrees on one condition.

neighbours “But I want the Petrulous case.”

A “case?”  I think you might be using business/detective jargon instead of medical jargon, dickhead.

Meanwhile, Kyle and Jade talk about something-a-rather, which I presume relates to Jade’s crush on him.  I’m pretty distracted through the whole scene by Jade’s garment, which sounds kind of fruity so here is a monster truck.

hummer_72 Hmm, the pink probably isn’t helping.

Anyway, back to the garment, she is wearing a sheep skin jacket and I wonder if hippies hate people who wear sheep skin in the same way they hate people who wear fur.  This probably isn’t going anywhere, so back to the recap.

Jade and Kyle hook up and for no reason at all decide to make their relationship a casual secret.  But by “no reason at all,” I’m not giving the writers enough credit for copying other ideas.


Susan seems to blame Jim Dolan for the time she has wasted with him.  Realising that he is bed stricken at the hospital, she prepares a picnic basket for him. 

neighbours “Oh, so you can’t leave the hospital?  Well, I’ll just have to have this picnic with my friends and family,” Susan politely explains to Jim, somehow maintaining her goodwill.

The following morning after Kyle and Jade humped, Kyle enquires what prompted her lust.  Jade simply explains, and this is a dead set quote.

neighbours “I had an itch I needed to scratch”

Which is a pretty bad analogy.  I would’ve gone for “I have a clam that needed some chowder” if I were her.  Whilst my analogy is horrible, it also doesn’t imply some kind of STD, which would be worse from Kyle’s perspective.  Kyle doesn’t seem to mind anyway, so we’re left to assume their intercourse, if subject to a microscope, looked something like this.


Sensing a half-cut mayo filled sandwich, Dr Philadelphia Cheese Spread with Breadstick marches over to Jade.

neighbours “That sandwich needs some cheese.”

Over at Harold’s place, which is occupied by Kate, Sophie, Lou and Lucas, Kate and Lucas discuss his recent inheritance.  Lucas jokes about Kate upping the rent, and Kate jokes back that she might, apparently unaware that she lives there for free.

Detroit. MI
“Hard Core Pawn”
Les Gold
Photo: Mark Hill Kate has clearly taken guidance from the grand master, the great Les Gold.

Back at the hospital, Susan is furious that she can’t take Jim to some random meaningless place before he dies.  Karl is the one who advises her that Jim is too sick to leave, whilst Susan pleads with him to save Jim so he can visit some beach.  Karl responds vaguely.

Meanwhile, Karl is clearly sexually frustrated at the moment.  So much so, he can’t even arouse himself, well, until he thinks about a real man bringing the business to his wife.

neighbours “He’ll immune her system,” Karl thinks to himself indulgently.


Well it’s Andrew’s 18th birthday today and he plans to get his drivers licence.  It’s presented as some kind of milestone, so I assume Andrew had a self imposed regulation to wait a year rather than get his licence when he turned 17, as is allowed under Australian law.

Anyway, Summer has made Andrew a scrapbook of all her favourite moments with him.  Because there’s so many, Summer explains two examples then shuts the book.

neighbours And I’m glad we’ve not been forced to watch much of their romance.

So Michael has decided to send Tash to boarding school.  It’s August now, and Tash is in year 12, so that means she has one term left before her final exams.  Also, I went to boarding school when I was eleven years old.  It was awesome fun, you basically get to hang out with a heap of people your age with barely any adult supervision.  

neighbours But Tash will have to wear a jaunty hat, for what, six weeks?

year 5 And there I am as an eleven year old – 3rd row, 5th from the left, hatless.

Back to Andrew’s Super Sweet Sixteenth (18th) and Paul has bought him a car.

neighbours It’s pretty awesome.

Andrew even plans to drive it to schoolies.


With Tash out celebrating Andrew’s birthday, Michael takes the opportunity to sniff some of her undies.

neighboursSadly she has already packed them.

 neighbours Maybe this is enough for Michael to reconsider sending her away.

That whole scene has a backing track of a romantic love song, which opens with the line “all that really matters is love,” and is followed up with “I guess love isn’t what I’m looking for.”  The suspect nature of Michael and Tash’s relationship is not helped at all by the audio department.

Andrew’s party ends and the teens actually decide to go somewhere else

neighbours “So Grease Monkeys?”

The next morning as the teens are returning from the city, Michael goes surfing again. 

neighbours Here is our daily dose of stock beach scene.

On Tash’s suggestion the teens agree to go skinny dipping in Toady’s pool.

neighboursA boring episode just got better.

But Jade, who was baby sitting Callum, comes out and ruins all of the fun.  Then, in classic Neighbours fashion, Tash slips into the pool, which is full of water, and fall unconscious.

neighbours She isn’t even naked, what bullshit.


Now that Jade is having a meaningless relationship with Kyle, Jade heads over to the garage to break up with Lucas.  He suggests they go to Harold’s to talk.  It’s raining outside, and Lucas attempts to get under Jade’s umbrella.

neighbours “No, stay in the rain, you need a shower.”

Tash has woken up at the hospital, with Michael sitting by her side.  This traumatic event is has clearly been manufactured to stop Tash going away, but nothing is certain.  Also, an extra had more than one speaking line.


Kyle is starting to tire of living with the two Jade’s, but he can’t kick out Jade because he is dating her, and he can’t kick out Jade because she is dating his mate, Lucas.  Kyle can’t work out where all this ethnic diversity has come from, and it’s all happening to him.

Something had to give, and it was Lucas.  He breaks up with Jade in a scene that basically made no sense.  Kyle quickly acts to kick Jade out of the house and places an ad for a new housemate.


One Response to “Neighbours Recap 15th – 19th August 2011”

  1. Lia Says:

    Just by the way, I’m australian, I live just over an hour from pin oak court and have been there and I can say that in the state of Victoria you cannot get your licence until you are 18, you can, however, get it at 17 in New South Wales (a completely different state to where pin oak court is).

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