Neighbours recaps 31st October – 6th November



Returning home from a sleepover with his male friends, Callum heads straight to bed, claiming to be exhausted from staying up all night- though he’s reluctant to tell Toadie precisely what he was doing all night that made him so weary. In search of clues, Toadie opens Callums backpack and immediately recoils from the stink of its contents. A cursory inspection soon reveals the offending item: Callum’s tracksuit trousers- specifically, a slick, shiny stain coating the front of the garment.

Toadie: "Callum, your friend's father- he isn't a scoutmaster, is he?"

Toadie then goes to the coffee shop to buy Callum some treats, explaining to Lou that he believes that Callum is getting bullied at school- you see, while Toadie immediately assumed an exceeded download limit meant that Callum was feverishly downloading internet porn, a crusty, smelly white stain on his clothing, coupled with evasive behaviour, means that Callum is getting bullied.

Those Erinsborough High bullies really milked him for all he was worth

Lou then informs Toadie that Callum was likely bullied due to student outrage over Piratenet being shut down- the line of reasoning being that students would, in this instance, direct their anger not toward Summer, whose sloppy journalism led to the council taking action against the station, or toward the council, who actually shut down Piratenet, but rather, toward the lawyer who informed Summer of the council’s decision.

"of course!" Toadie actually, honest-to-God, says. "It makes perfect sense!"

Elsewhere on Ramsay st, Kate and Noah’s situation takes a dramatic turn, as Kate accuses Noah of stealing her work apron, but it turns out that Lou had just washed it instead. About 5 minutes of screen time is dedicated to this saga, which is a shame. I’d hoped they’d devote at least 2 weeks to the mystery of Kate’s missing work apron.


Running into Paul at the coffee shop, Susan pleads with him to help Summer. Paul explains that he intends to do precisely that, running a story on how “the mighty council shut down a small community radio station because they made false allegations that they were corrupt” – his tone suggesting that it is reasonable to argue that the council overreacted to Summer’s slanderous, unfounded claims of malfeasance by shutting down the station- when in fact they’d have been perfectly entitled to do not only that, but also sue Summer into the dirt. In fact, it seems that Summer got off scot-free.

Susan then meets Dr. Doug at Charlie’s. He’s a council member now, and Susan presents her case for clemency for Summer by appealing to his fatherly instincts – proffering- upon his mentioning that he has a teenage daughter – “Well, I bet she keeps you on your toes!”, in an effort to misrepresent Summer’s act as some kind of junior mischief- the sort that he, as a father, would be all too familiar with.

"Oh yeah, all the time! Just last week she wrote a libellous newspaper article about how the Victorian chief of police was a pedophile!"

In the face of Susan’s apologist rationalizing, Doug softens somewhat, grudgingly admitting that his daughter has been on his case since the closure of the station.

"She's distraught- i mean, where else is she expected to hear lies about how her old man is a criminal?"

Elsewhere, Tash’s receipt of her mother’s death certificate reveals that she died of drowning at the beach- leading Tash to question Emelia about her father’s seemingly callous hobby of surfing at the selfsame beach.

"Well Tash, he used to go dirt-biking at her cemetery, but the groundskeeper kicked him out after he roughed up some headstones"


Concerned by Tash’s stubborn refusal to leave her bedroom, Chris comes around with cake and confronts an inconsolable Tash, who tearfully explains that she ‘killed her mother’- insofar as she ran into the sea, requiring her mother to attempt to save her. Earlier, she’d told Michael of her guilt over this incident, to which he offered- “That’s why I didn’t tell you earlier. I didn’t want you to have to deal with this.” – suggesting that he believes Tash is responsible for her mother’s death. “I’m the worst person ever!” Tash cries to Chris. “Hey,” replies Chris. “It’s not your fault.”

"If anything, your father is a negligent monster. What kind of parent allows a 2 yr old to run, unaccompanied, into the surf and swim out sufficiently far to require an emergency, life-threatening rescue? And you say he thinks it's your fault?" Chris should have said, but doesn't.

Summer, meanwhile, is distracted from her studies by her latest plan to rescue Piratenet- a plan which consists of handing out ‘save Piratenet’ flyers at school.

"cheeky bitch- aren't you the one who fucked Piratenet in the first place?" they ask

Outrageously, Summer then suggests that her classmates skip their English exams as a form of protest.

"Of course we will!" the crowd proclaims. "Is there any other way we can jeopardise our futures in order to help you paper over your personal failings?" they clamour to ask.


Squatting inside Piratenet, Summer and her improbable band of sympathisers are midway through their protest when Susan arrives. Unfortunately, she isn’t there for the reasons they’d hoped- that is, to lend media support to help relay their message. “There won’t be any local covery of this protest!” she announces.

Oh that's good. Wait, what? Covery?

Yes, covery. And the threat of the protest is for the students to boycott their English exam. The irony is delicious.

Anyway, the students quickly realise how retarded the plan is and head back to school, with the exception of Summer, who is far too stubborn to abandon her plan now. Having caused a legal imbroglio with her very first journalistic piece, and now a high school English flunkout, Summer’s stocks as a budding journalist are sure on the rise

Don't worry Summer, you can always join neighbours as a scriptwriter, where you'll be free to get confused over the existence of basic words.

However, Summer, like the gutless turd that she is, lacks the courage of her convictions and soon saunters, bashfully, back to school.


All dressed up for his first day as a paperboy, Callum receives encouragement from Sonya, as she tells him that “it could be worse – you could be delivering something much heavier than the free local paper”.

Hang on, Erinsborough News- a free local paper?

That Erinsborough News would be a free local paper is what I’ve maintained all along- because it is logical. However, hating logic, the writers have contradicted this notion time and again, with Paul continually referring to the need of sensationalist stories to ‘sell newspapers’ and speaking of ‘readership figures’- figures which would be redundant in the context of a publication that is disseminated to all local residents for free.

Additionally, in Tuesday’s episode,  Sonya mentioned to Callum that he wouldn’t be working directly for Paul, but rather that “the job’s through Harold’s”. Harold’s, therefore, would be paying Callum to distribute, at no advantage to them, a free newspaper.

They also have Sophie on their payroll. Her job is to flush their money down a toilet.

Over at no.26, in an attempt to schmooze his boss, Rhys hosts a bbq in the backyard, and wanting everything to be perfect, sends Franger and Jade to Charlie’s to entertain themselves. Everything’s going perfectly until, to Rhys’ horror, he discovers that Lucas has crashed the party.

"Hey Doc, what's cooking?" asks Lucas

Unwilling to deal with the ‘Lucas problem’ himself, Rhys frantically calls Franger to beg him to provide assistance. Ever helpful, Franger arrives to help with the unenviable task of removing Lucas from his greasy cubbyhole, while Rhys tells his guests that Franger is merely there to ‘fix the bbq’, and corrals them inside, presumably in order to spare them the unsavoury spectacle of a proletarian labouring, up to his elbows in blue-collar grime.

"Right you are, Rhys." says his boss. "Such a thing would put one off one's appetitie"


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