Archive for January, 2012

Neighbours Recap 16th-20th January

January 31, 2012


Seemingly discontent with being merely the unlikeable opposition to the economic expansion of Erinsborough, Kyle finds new ways to be detestable, succeeding in this episode as supplicant to Jade during her period of convalescence. It’s impossible not to feel contempt for Kyle as he spinelessly caters to Jade’s every insistence.

"I was thinking of getting you a bell, you know, so if you want anything, you can just ring it"

Over at no.22, Paul informs Sophie that she is forbidden from attending the all-ages gig, held in broad daylight, prompting this reaction from Sophie:

That's actually some of the best acting this show has seen in years

Back to Jade, and drama abounds as Jade ignores Kyle’s advice to stay at home to nurse her broken toe, whipping off her dressing gown to reveal gym gear the second he leaves the house

Oh no Jade, Kyle might find out that you conducted a personal training session! Think of the consequences!

At the coffee shop, Summer waits anxiously for news of her acceptance into the journalism course. Her musing is interrupted, however, by a text from her ‘nan’, leaving me wondering whether it’s from her actual grandmother, or from the mother of a woman that was briefly married to her estranged father

Naturally, it's the latter

At the counter, Sophie vents her frustration to Andrew. “But it’s my favourite band!” she cries. “Red Cotton!”


"Red cotton?" Asks the cashier. "That reminds me, didn't you steal tampons here a couple of months ago?"

Anyway, Paul eventually relents and allows Sophie to attend the concert, on the condition that Andrew ‘keep an eye on her’.

At the park, the aforementioned ‘consequences’ are revealed in full as Kyle is mildly annoyed to find Jade exercising without his consent

What a storyline!

At the concert, meanwhile, the full extent of the writers’ outrageous puritanism is on display, as Sophie starts kissing some Zeke lookalike, prompting the immediate intervention of Summer and Andrew, who demand she go home immediately.

"Sophie! Don't you know that's how babies are made!"


With the deal for the Erinsborough shopping complex in the toilet, Kyle begins dismantling advertisements for the proposed development.

The observant viewer will note that the poster boasts of a 4-star hotel. I guess this explains Paul’s opposition to the development. Unfortunately, it also raises more questions than it answers, such as:

1) What need would Erinsborough, a small suburban community, far from Melbourne and with no tourist attractions, have for a second hotel? One seems excessive

2) What kind of shopping centre features a hotel?

3) What, precisely, is  a ‘world-class four star hotel‘?

After some shrewd detective work, by which I mean a series of absurd coincidences and good fortune, Lucas tracks down Chris’ assailant to the greyhound racecourse, where he’s promptly arrested by Sergeant McAngus.

"And I'd have gotten away with it too, if not for you meddling kids!"

Things take a dramatic turn, however, as Chris’ assailant, identified as Louis Walton, fingers Toadie as the person who directed him to bash Chris. Armed with this piece of information, McAngus heads over to Toadie’s and asks him to accompany him back to the station, explaining that Walton had claimed Toadie had hired him to assault Chris in the garage. “But I’ve never met him before in my life!” protests Toadie. “Well, that’s not what he’s saying!” rebutts McAngus.

"And unfortunately , it's your word, as a trusted pillar of the community, against his, a degenerate criminal scumbag!"


Craftily, Toadie and McAngus set up a ruse to fool Walton, as, in the middle  of Walton’s police interview, Toadie walks in and introduces himself as Louis’ legal aid. That Walton does not recognise Toadie thus discredits his story. It seems criminal mastermind Peter Noonan didn’t think to show Walton a picture of the man he was supposed to be framing.

"Oh no, you've tricked me with your crafty ruse! And after years of planning!"

At the hospital to visit Chris, Tash reveals her VCE score- a whopping 98.5, prompting Summer to antagonise Tash for her decision to ‘only’ want to study contemporary art

"Don't throw your life away Tash! With marks like that you could almost qualify for a degree in hack scriptwriting!"

Chris’ dad then visits and talks to Chris, for the umpteenth time, about whether becoming a mechanic is a good idea. When Chris insists that it’s what he wants, his dad drops the issue once and for all and wishes him the best, thus finally bringing to a close the months-long saga of his disappointment in his son’s career. Finally, we can move on and Chris can have storylines that don’t involve bitching about his dad’s feelings about his career, right? Wrong.

"I just wish he'd tried harder to talk me out of it.." he whines


Lucas’ relationship with Emilia takes a saucy turn, as she shows Lucas a book containing images of herself in the nude-presumably- it’s not directly stated, at least initially, and we have to rely on Lucas’ reaction for clues as to the book’s contents.

"Thanks Emilia, can I keep this?" asks Lucas. "I have my own photos, but the telescopic lens makes the pics distorted, plus your neighbour is getting pissed off with me hiding in his bushes"

Having been fired from his law firm as a result of the fallout over Chris’ bashing, Toadie searches for jobs in the internet. “How about this one?” asks Callum, pointing to an advert. “Generous salary package!”

“It’s not all about the money, mate.” sighs Toadie, condescendingly

Except, you know, when it is, like with the job Toadie just had.

Troubled by his girlfriend’s exhibitionism, Lucas shows the pictures of Emilia to Michael, and is surprised by his open-minded nonchalance towards them.

It's not surprising, Michael is pretty progressive with stuff like that. Remember how cool he was with Tash's nude photos?

With Toadie unemployed for a full 24 hours, the subtle storytelling craft of the writers is displayed as Sonya sighs sadly while rifling through utility bills

"$145!" cries Sonya. "With Toadie out of work, i guess we'll have to send Callum to work in the salt mines."

Determined to put things right, and spare Callum a gritty, salty fate, Toadie heads down to the law firm to demand his job back, threatening to sue for wrongful dismissal if they fail to meet his demands. Impressed by his moxie, attractive redhead lawyer offers him his job back, which toadie takes as fantastic news.

"Hey, wasn't the fact that I was working for a heartless corporate law firm the problem in the first place?"

Elsewhere, Lucas’ inability to accept Emilia’s penchant for public nudity leaves her no choice by to break up with him, saying she refuses to be someone she’s not.


Over at no. 24, Lucas bemoans his lost love, while Kate prepares to hit the town with some ‘friends’. “Anyone I know?” enquires Lucas. “No, I don’t think so,” comes Kate’s reply.

"Really? That's weird, cos I know Kyle and Jade, and that pretty well covers it, right?"

At the coffee shop, Rhys searches facebook for information on Erin, the doctor whose place in the surgery program he intends to usurp. Kate notices his actions and comments, cattily, “She doesn’t really look like your type.”

"Experience suggests you prefer a more plain, smaller-breasted woman," she continues

Rhys then heads to Charlie’s to have a coffee with Erin, with things going swimmingly up until the point Kate heads over to cock block him by plopping her arse down between them.

"Gee whiz, being a constant bitch to everyone sure is boring!" she laments

Worried by the amount of time Chris is spending at the garage and concerned that there might be some untoward goings-on with his employer, Chris’ dad shows up at the garage to speak with Lucas, catching him in a compromising position and affirming his fears for his son.

"Oh hi Mr Pappas! Would you mind grabbing my tool?"

At the coffee shop, Susan meets Priya Kapoor, who, upon learning of Susan’s involvement with Erinsborough News, castigates her. “My daughter is 14- what she had to put up with after your paper slandered my husband…”.  Priya’s outrage doesn’t last long, however, as Susan convinces her that the story was that dastardly Paul Robinson’s idea, and that she was, in fact, against it.

"Besides," rationalises Susan, "the person who actually slandered your husband was Summer. She's like a daughter to me."

At Charlie’s, Erin heads back to work, giving Kate the opportunity to interrogate Rhys about his sudden feelings for Erin, and like a fucking bond-villain cliché, Rhys outlines in full his plan to get Erin kicked off the surgery program.

"And good luck trying to stop my giant laser- my moon base is impenetrable!"