Neighbours Recap 9th – 13th January 2012


Neighbours is back and since you’re reading this that means you are here, which mean that you know that we are back because Neighbours is back.  It’s the circle of life, we feed off each other.

The year begins with a summary of what would appear to be six months worth of storylines, though the summary takes but a few minutes.  It’s easy because my research indicates that having a season ending cliff hanger is only a biennial requirement.  Last year was the off year. 

The year begins with Chris lying on the ground.  If I know Neighbours, then that means he is unconscious.  Luckily Reece finds him.

NeighboursReece: “Chris!!!!”

The emphasis of the additional exclamation marks wakes Chris up.

Neighbours Chris: “Blow me.”

Neighbours Chris: “Quickly, here’s my pipe.  OK, an old fashioned will do.”

Now that he has that out of the way, Chris decides he needs to unwind.  This is the perfect opportunity for him to express himself, the way he truly feels, so he dresses up as his alter ego.

Neighbours Crystal

Crystal’s efforts to doll herself up reap almost instant dividends once he/she hits the local gay bar.

Neighbours “Hi, Crystal.  My name is Bobby Brown.”

Meanwhile, Toady’s boss has framed him somehow.

toadfish framed Maybe with the power of bad puns.


Through a series of contrived events, including pretending he had a meaningful relationship with an extra, Toady manages to disprove falsified evidence against him.  Despite this the police, rather than investigate the law firm who provided him with fake evidence, search Toady’s house as he is still somehow the prime suspect.

When they open the boot of his car:

NeighboursAn adjustable spanner.

Neighbours Oh wait, Lucas has labelled his tools.  That seems unlikely.

So Toady has the weapon.  The police instantly assume Toady did it, even though they know the previous evidence was planted, which really questions both the evidence’s credibility and that of the detective.

Meanwhile, the victim is fine.

Neighbours“ I will never mention this attack again.”

Which is probably wise because this particular episode was record breaking.  It recorded the lowest viewership ratings in the history of the show.  That is no small feat.


As the attack on Chris has become public the council responds by cancelling the proposed shopping centre development, which leads to Paul happily celebrating at Charlie’s and shouting people drinks.

The news is also good for Kyle, as it means his shitty business won’t fail, but his happiness turns to sadness as he acts like a queen because Jade won’t admit she is his girlfriend.

Neighbours It’s a real emotional rollercoaster ride for Kyle.

Using the equity he gained around the hospital for saving Chris’ life, Reece pleads to be included in the surgery program, but it’s already full so unless someone drops out, there’s nothing she can do.

Neighbours Reece stares at a picture of this guy as if he is going to kill him to get in the programme.


So with Rhys’ (I’ve been spelling his name wrongly) emerging evilness it occurred to me that he is an almost carbon copy of Dr Darcy Tyler.


Anyway, instead of trying to kill the guy who is on the surgery programme (let’s call him That Guy), Rhys calls him up and tries to sabotage That Guy’s first day by directing him to the wrong room.  Unfortunately Rhys undoes his evil master plan – by simply telling That Guy where to go.  It’s bizarre, makes no sense, but lead to Rhys looking at the picture again and selecting his next target.

Neighbours He sends her a friend invite on Facebook, true to the writers consistent belief that the internet is pure evil.

Michael, meanwhile, has decided he loves Amelia.  The sister of his deceased wife, who he was sleeping with while his wife died and the same woman who is dating his mate, Lucas.  That’s got to be the worst part: Lucas has fucked her and he still wants some.

Neighbours Guess what happens next.

Neighbours She falls into his arms.

Even more unsurprising is that this episode attracted even fewer viewers than Tuesday’s.  What a landmark week.


The Jade “I can’t have a BOYFRIEND…Wahhh” storyline continues.  Kyle fixes her bed and she flips out, but is calmed by Kyle’s uncharacteristically cultured response.

Taj_Mahal,_Agra,_India “It’s not like I built you the Taj Mahal.”

At the pub, Kyle clearly forgets his cultured personality in favour of beating a dead horse.  He suggests they go away or something for Valentine’s Day.  Jade doesn’t know how to respond, probably because this storyline is a pile of shit, so she stares at he ground.


Neighbours Popped collars and singlets.  Good work wardrobe department, perfectly characterising these dickheads as douchebags.


2 Responses to “Neighbours Recap 9th – 13th January 2012”

  1. Colin Says:

    Its not fair to compare someone to Darcy Tyler, he was the best Neighbours character ever made – stealing from his aunt and uncle, trying to take over the surgery, sleeping with Tess and Dee at the same time and also following Izzy around in a hospital gown as he was suffering from guess what amneisa…

    Well there was Sargent Steiger as well….

    • hotdogwehaveaweiner Says:

      Darcy was an excellent character, because he had some excellent moments, as you point out. But there’s clear similarities between Rhys and Darcy, it’s just that the writers are incapable of producing those dynamite moments anymore. Also, the similarities between the two is very lazy on the producer’s part.

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