Archive for April, 2012

Neighbours recap 26th-30th March

April 20, 2012

Sorry about the late recap guys, adapting to doing this solo is proving pretty tricky – promise I’ll get better at it though


Distressed at the breakup of his and Emilia’s relationship, Lucas goes for a reckless, high-speed motorcycle ride, revealing the depths of his depression.

And if this seems eerily reminiscent of the time Lucas went on a reckless, high-speed motorcycle ride after Elle broke up with him-

- it's because it totally fucking is

Things only get worse for Lucas as he arrives at the garage to find detective McHaggis waiting for him- you see, he suspects Lucas’ involvement in the destruction of Michael’s car- though of course he could only have this suspicion if he were intimately aware of the excruciating minutiae of each residents’ personal lives.

"come on Lucas, I bet you were angry- angry like I was when Amy Greenwood cheated on Lance with her work colleague!"

To get to the bottom of the great Burned Car Caper, Haggis then heads to the garage and questions Chris on Lucas’ general frame of mind. There have been attempted murders on the street that have received less police scrutiny.

To be fair though, the investigating detective was a raw rookie, who struggled to find a shirt to wear, much less evidence in a criminal investigation

With Toadie’s hectic work schedule precluding him from representing Lucas, he vows to find someone who can. Later, at Charlie’s, Toadie arrives with an unlikely candidate in tow, Ajay Kapoor. “Local council member Ajay can help!” suggests Toadie. “Turns out he’s a lawyer!”

Ajay: "And due to a limited casting budget, should the need arise, I'm also a qualified doctor and a general store clerk!"

Finally, Haggis makes his way to no.32, to inform Michael that they have a suspect for the case, and not to question whether Michael himself had any motive for committing insurance fraud by burning the car himself.

So am I to understand that you recently got demoted at work?" he does not say

Later, when Michael discovers that Lucas has been implicated in the case, he heads to the police station and ‘confesses’ that the burned car was actually the result of a sexy mishap, involving candles on the back seat.

"Things have been known to get pretty hot in that back seat, if you know what I mean!" he says with a wink to a bemused Haggis, who does not know what he means.


Despite Michael taking the fall for her, Tash is still pissed off, and reveals as much to Michael and Emilia, telling the latter to leave town immediately and handing her back her bracelet gift as she does so. This upsets Emilia. We know this because in the next scene she’s shown playing with the bracelet, a look of deep emotional distress on her face – oh, and there’s also a floating blue Tash-ghost stuck in the middle of the screen– in case Emilia’s fine acting was too subtle.

"Help me, Obi-Wan, you're my only hope!"

Emilia then reaches the conclusion that her continued presence on Ramsay st is only bringing Tash misery, so books a flight back to Serbia, making it three consecutive short-term romantic partners who have left Michael to flee to a European destination.

Unable to face life without the woman he’s been banging for a few weeks, Michael packs his bags. Like the Billy Ocean song, “when the going gets tough, the tough shirk their responsibilities and flee like a gutless turd”

He later changed the song title under pressure from his record label


Shocked by her father’s departure, Tash, holding back tears, calls Chris and demands that he meet her at Charlie’s. Once there, inconsolable but resolute, a fragile Tash goes crazy at the bar, downing double shots of vodka before going home with a random guy, whose drunken groping offers the promise of an emotional reprieve, however temporary, from the pain of her father’s abandonment.

Just kidding, they play pool and drink soda.

Still eager to wrest Jade from Kyle’s crafty clutches, Rhys suggests to Kyle that he and Jade move into Kyle’s room together, given ‘they spend every night together anyway’, and besides, a spare room could be turned into a study, or perhaps rented out, to alleviate he and Jade’s financial concerns.

"My sensible, pragmatic suggestion that is in both of their interests will be sure to drive them apart!"

Dismayed by Andrew and Chris’ decision to leave Charlie’s and go home rather than continue ‘partying’ -despite the fact that with soft drink and games, Tash appears to have the same notion of partying as a five year-old,  – she declares that she’s heading out solo.

Like  a creep, Chris then follows Tash home, and learns that her dad has bailed to Serbia. Chris then assures her that she’ll see him again. After all, he consoles her – “he’s your dad!”

"I mean, just look at Summer and her dad.." Chris begins, before trailing off.

At the gym, Rhys realises that he needs a new strategy for winning Jade’s affections, so he appeals to her love of being a whore and just straight up goes for it

"I don't know why i didn't think of this earlier!"


After Kyle fixes their malfunctioning fridge, Lou arrives and tells him to stop chatting with Kate and to get back to work – prompting Kate to leap to his defense

"He's just fine the way he is!" she coos, in an odd, unprompted fashion.

When, exactly, is Kate going to get the comeuppance she so sorely deserves. I mean, just in the last couple of weeks she’s abandoned her sister to the mercies of the orphanage committee so that she might spend another few nights with a random dude- who she promptly dispensed with, and moving back to ramsay st, decided that she suddenly found Kyle attractive now that he’d found love with another girl. Basically, she’s an awful person and needs to suffer some kind of consequence for her actions – preferably in the form of out an out of control bakery van- speeding its way to Ramsay St with an urgent consignment of cupcakes.

Over at no.30, Callum decides to prepare lunch for the household.

Well sure we had this exact cooking-mishap storyline a few weeks ago, but look, this time it's Callum instead of Tash!

Over at no.26, the whole scenario of Rhys and Jade’s ‘kiss’ is played out in full via flashback, and we see Jade punch Rhys in the stomach after he’d attempted to kiss her – it seems a strange overreaction, but perhaps she was concerned that, as a girl, she’d have been overpowered should he elected to take things further. I mean, it’s not as though the writers had made a big show of her establishing physical dominance over him in the previous episode or anything.

oh wait...

Chastened, Rhys heads to Charlie’s to drown his sorrows, and is taunted by Kate, who, it seems, had decided to head to Charlie’s and sit in a single plastic chair, alone, facing the bar.

The writers have a loose understanding of 'normal human behaviour'


It’s the day of Red Cotton’s ‘big’ gig at Charlie’s, and everyone’s excited- none more so than the girlfriend of the band’s manager, who’s been given the opportunity to review the gig for the Erinsborough News.

"Did someone say 'conflict of interest'? Oh, I'd thought you'd said 'monflict of minterest'. That wouldn't have made any sense"

Before  the band can play, however, Andrew insists upon numerous sound checks, much to the annoyance of Red Cotton’s mincing, tight-jeaned frontman, who insists that the band’s sound is like his sideburns

"And like I tell my barber- you don't mess with perfection!"

With Red Cotton disgruntled and unwilling to perform, Andrew buys some time by having Sophie perform as a warm-up act, while Callum comes to wish her luck

" I still can't believe they'd let me - a 13 year old kid, attend a band night at a bar!"

Upset with their current deal, Red Cotton mutiny, with band members Beret and Beardface voicing their concerns to Andrew

"Now that we're playing gigs at Charlie's - a.k.a. 'the big time' - we expect a pay rise!"

Chief among the band’s concerns, meanwhile, is the distinct lack of groupies, with Beardface particularly upset, having imagined a band of their stature to be knee-deep in ladies by this stage

" Ok, i'll talk to summer and see if i can convince her to perform as tonight's backstage 'entertainment'."

Naturally, Summer does not take kindly Andrew’s proposal of her as virgin sacrifice, leading to renewed conflict with Andrew

"Andrew, no! I've heard what Beardface is into - it's not normal!"