Archive for June, 2012

Neighbours Recap 28th May – 1st June

June 13, 2012


At a band meeting for The Right Prescription at Karl’s house, Andrew announces good news – that the band has been offered ‘residency’ at Charlies, whatever that means. Unfortunately for them, however, they’re still short a bass player, with Karl insisting that they need to find someone who ‘clicks’ with the band. Someone, as Karl puts it, with ‘the right groove’. At the coffee shop, Summer realises that Griffin has been cheating on her with other girls. He proposes they remain a non-exclusive couple, but summer, just like Hall and Oates, Can’t go for that.

“This is what I get for trusting a rock superstar!”

Outside, on Ramsay St, Rani notices that no.32 has sold and heads over to greet the new resident, who, shock, happens to be Troy!

Evidently, the writers feel as though they haven’t quite run this storyline into the ground yet

Rani learns that his name is Troy and that he ‘knows the Rebecchi’s very well‘.

Meanwhile, over at no.22, the new right prescription bass player, the one with the ‘right groove’, turns out to be Sophie. I guess it’s because neighbours couldn’t afford to keep paying that extra to continually appear for the band’s gigs. Sophie is somewhat hesitant about committing to the band though, concerned that playing with The Right Prescription could damage her ‘cred’.

“I’m an unknown 12 year old that’s been playing guitar for less than a year – I have my image to consider!”

Meanwhile, Summer makes it clear to the viewers that there exists no chance for Griffin’s redemption as she facebook de-friends him, with crushing finality.

“Lets see if Griffin thinks he’s such hot stuff with one fewer facebook friend!” gloats summer

Meanwhile, Kate readies Lou for his first ‘date’ as a gigolo. I would call this whole storyline preposterous, but perhaps there really is a market for old ladies who require non-sexual male accompaniment, to bingo nights, and freshman mixers.

Kate: “And remember bitch, my cut is 30%. You hold out on me, and I’ll break your fuckin’ legs”

Kate then reveals that the John that she’s arranged for Lou likes an English gentleman, prompting Lou to affect an awful English accent.

He doesn’t even say ‘innit?’

Later, at the coffee shop, Rani comes across Callum and informs him that she met his new neighbours, and comments that ‘he said he knows your family.’ At this point, instead of asking what the guy’s name was, like a normal person would, Callum just stands there and grins like a goddamned buffoon until she leaves. Callum then heads home and relays to Toadie what Rani just told him. “Oh?” enquires Toadie. “Did she mention his name?”

“No, she didn’t!” replies Callum, puzzledly, as though Rani were somehow at fault for his complete lack of intellectual curiosity


Learning that Troy has moved in next door, Toadie heads over to yell at him. Troy confesses that he just wanted to be near his only child, and that when a house on Ramsay St came on the market, ‘it seemed like a good opportunity’.

“No!” snaps Toadie. “It seems insane!”

Insanity, apparently.Conversely, sanity, in Toadie’s experience, is when a woman begins a relationship with him, not because of any inherent attraction, but in order to gain entry into a small boy’s place of residence to spy on him, all the while embarking on a campaign of deceit, concealing her true identity, for years, from both her fake, unloved boyfriend, and the small boy, who, it turns out, is actually her son.

Anyway, if Troy coming back on the scene was going to be such a big deal, why wouldn’t Toadie have arranged to have a restraining order placed against him? I mean, it’s not like he’s a lawyer or anything.

Speaking of lawyers, Troy reveals the ace up his sleeve in order to help him execute his dastardly plan to gain custody of Callum – he’s hired a lawyer, and it’s none other than Ajay!

I guess Tim Collins was unavailable

“Ajay, you can’t take this case!” bellows Toadie, apparently referring to the difficult moral position it would place him in, and not the fact that his taking the case would be a physical impossibility, insofar as Ajay already has a full time job as a council member, and that being a solicitor isn’t a fucking late-night part time job like pulling beers at a bar.


At Harold’s, Callum blames Rani for being the daughter of Ajay, and yells at her to leave him alone, prompting shocked glances from the assembled extras in the coffee shop.

Look at the concerned face on this one. He must’ve had acting lessons.

Later, at Charlie’s, Tash complains to Paul about how quiet the morning trade has been recently

Tash: “It’s almost as though people don’t want to enjoy their morning coffee in a bar, the air thick with the stench of stale beer and cigarette smoke”

Handily, the real reason for the lack of business is then revealed – it’s Harold’s, where hordes of people have flocked to ogle the incredible breasts of the hot new store clerk

Or to buy cupcakes, whatever.

Seeing the attention received by Vanessa fills Lucas with a certain greasy pride, as he reveals to horrified customers that the cupcakes, are, at least in part, the fruit of his labour – at least, I think that’s what he was getting at.

“I guess you could say that i smeared my frosting all over those cupcakes, if you know what i mean,” he says, with a wink.

Hearing that the new neighbour requires renovations, Kyle heads over to see the new resident, while Jade heads over to see Sonya – who tells her that Troy is the new owner. “Oh no!” shouts Jade, suddenly. “Kyle was just heading over there!” before jumping to her feet and sprinting out the door, as though Kyle were a toddler.

“This is just like the time Kyle got lost at the carnival,” Jade reminds Sonya. “remember how scared and confused he was!?”

Anyway, Jade’s intervention proves to be unnecessary, as Kyle turns down Troy’s work offer, reasoning that because he’s been dating jade for a few months, “that pretty much makes Sonya my family.”

 Tash then heads over to Harold’s, and is aghast at the sight of her regular customers there instead. “If Charlie’s keeps losing customers I’ll lose my job!” exclaims Tash.

“I can’t have the bar losing business to the coffee shop!” shrieks Tash. “I mean, sure, both places are owned by the same family, so it doesn’t really matter, but.. wait, what was my point again?”

Later, in a genuinely interesting twist, it is revealed, via private discussion between Troy and Jade, that Troy is Jade’s old boyfriend, the one who used to beat her, fostering within her a hatred of violence and of those who resort to it to solve their problems.



Having had time to think about it, I’m puzzled why this Jade/Troy storyline didn’t come up when he was last on the show – I guess the writers must have just come up with it and wedged it in awkwardly, rewriting the history of these two characters and ingoring the fact that neither of them had ever hinted at any history of romance in any of their previous interactions, you know, like they did when one of the more stupid writers decided that Sonya was Callum’s mother.

Over at Erinsborough news, Summer receives a press release from Red Cotton, announcing their having signed with a record label, mere days after bringing in a new manager.

“it’s so unfair!” laments Summer. “This new manager gets all the credit, while Andrew worked so hard to get them where they are!”

I guess that’s one way of looking at it, summer. Another is that their new manager achieved more in two days than Andrew did during his entire tenure with the band, and that Andrew is thus a terrible band manager and should probably kill himself.

Over at number 24, Lucas flips through one of Vanessa’s pregnancy books, hoping to find some arousing images of lactating women

“Come on ladies,” urges Lucas, in a sickening, guttural whisper. “Papa’s feeling thirsty.”

Back at Erinsborough news, Summer decides to run a piece promoting The Right Prescription as a favour to her ex-boyfriend. She really seems to understand how journalism works.

“What do you mean I’ve breached multiple sections of the Australian Journalism Code of Ethics?”

4.  Do not allow personal interest, or any belief, commitment, payment, gift or benefit, to undermine your accuracy, fairness or independence.

5.  Disclose conflicts of interest that affect, or could be seen to affect, the accuracy, fairness or independence of your journalism.  

I mean, you’d think that as someone who literally destroyed a cherished community radio station with the slanderous, false hearsay that comprised her very first journalistic ‘scoop’, she’d be more careful about her work.

But apparently that isn’t the case

Later, with Lucas primitive urges not yet sated, he races over to the hospital to accost Vanessa.

“C’mon, gimme a look at them goodies!” demands Lucas, feverishly, to a clearly horrified Vanessa.


Looking for somewhere quiet to study, Andrew and Chris head over to no.27, but are soon driven to distraction by Tash’s continual interruptions. “Quadratic functions?” she asks, peering at Andrew’s notes. “What are they for?”

“Supply and demand, for the market equilibrium.” replies Andrew, nonsensically. I mean, he’s a band manager.

“It looks as though The Right Prescription have a 15.7% shortfall in X-factor; luckily they have an oversupply of Swagger.”

Later, at the uni, Tash has an assignment to perform, and the writers contempt for creative pursuits couldn’t be any clearer, as Tash is made to impersonate the element ‘wind’, to the delight of her hippie teacher.

Tash should study something serious, like ‘how to write scripts for a low-rating and critically derided soap opera’.