Archive for October, 2012

Neighbours recap 17th-21st September 2012

October 17, 2012


Over at no.30, the discussion turns to baby names, with Callum weighing in on the debate with the suggestion that they call their daughter ‘Callumina’

“oh you want her to be like you? That’s sweet,” replies Sonya. “I’ll tell you what, how about we just dress her up like a dickhead and make her tell shit jokes instead?”

The levity is soon broken up by the arrival of Jade, who reveals to Sonya that she’ll be heading to the US to work on her singles boot camp franchise. Sonya, though, seems to be aware that leaving erinsborough for ‘6 months’ means leaving for good, and bursts into tears.

congratulations writers, you’ve managed to avoid ever having to explain why Jade is randomly asian

At Erinsborough hospital, Rhys undergoes a surgical test to determine his competency in performing life and death medical procedures.

Karl: “Correct you are Rhys – testing our prospective surgeons in so inadequate a fashion would result in 8 patient deaths”

Honestly, I’ve no idea what the point of that test is, or how it is in any way more efficient than the standard medical test for surgical proficiency.

At Harold’s, Callum, Lou, Sonya and Susan discuss Callum’s suggestion for the baby’s name, with Lou particularly derisive, until Callum points out that he named his daughter after himself. Well played Callum, you just saved me having to point that out myself.

Sonya then produces a photo she found in Harold’s ‘memory book’, which she was reading for some reason, of Nell Mangel, adamant that ‘Nell’ would be the perfect name.

Pointing out other characters’ hypocrisy and referencing beloved old-school characters? This scene clearly wasn’t written by one of the usual writing staff.

Back at the hospital, Karl delivers the results of Rhys’ tests – they’re good! However, it’s revealed via flashback that Rhys had actually altered the results of his test with a computer, and in fact is not fit to perform operations at all.

However, I think Rhys should relax, I’m sure his condition, like Paul’s leg, or Susan’s MS, or Summer’s caffeine intolerance,  will magically improve on its own accord to the point where it will be unnoticeable.


Over at no.26, Rhys is having a crisis of conscience – he’s been called up to assist in a surgical procedure, even though he knows he isn’t capable

“Oh man, what a drag! Who’d have thought that by fixing my results to show I was fit to perform operations would mean I’d have to perform operations!”

Growing increasingly aggravated by Vanessa’s constant questioning of his abilities,  and driven insane by his frustrations over his busted hand, Rhys resolves to frankenstein himself a new, better woman.

“My porcine girlfriend will really bring home the bacon!”

At Erinsborough news, the position of ‘deputy editor’ needs to be filled, with Susan dismissing the resume of one potential candidate, Bradley Fox,  as being overqualified, though Summer champions his suitability until Susan gives in and grants him an interview to determine whether or not he is eligible for the role.

“I’m also an eligible bachelor,” he adds, sleazily- and quite unnecessarily

He then charms Susan by stating that despite his wealth of international journalistic experience, it’s the ‘human stories, the sort covered by Erinsborough News’ that really motivates him.

“That Scullywag piece was some of the finest copy I’ve ever read,” he remarks.

Accepting the job, Bradley turns to leave, saying, as he does so. “I’ll see you soon, comrade,” in a thick slavic accent.

I knew it! He’s a commie plant, infiltrating Erinsborough to steal Vanessa’s cupcake recipe for the Ruskies!


At the community centre, Susan is dismayed to see that her yoga class has been cancelled. Not wanting to return home immediately though, she heads into the next room, which is advertising a ‘dance class’. Not just any sort of dancing,  however..

Last week, I watched half an episode of Home & Away. It had guns, explosions and tough-guy one-liners. I thought it was the most absurd scene ever depicted in an Australian soap.

That is, until Susan Kennedy attended a pole dancing class.

Over at the newspaper, Bradley Fox, former globetrotting investigative journalist and  war correspondent, is eagerly anticipating his first assignment – an interview with the local mechanic.

An interview which requires the presence of two employees of the local press to conduct, apparently.

After the interview, Bradley and Summer have lunch at Charlie’s, and his decision to invite Summer to attend the interview is made more perplexing, as he explains that, despite Summer having transcribed the interview, he doesn’t use notes. “It’s all up here,” he says, gesturing toward his head as he speaks, like a turd.

“I mean, sure, there’s the occasional defamation lawsuit for misquoting people, but have you seen the price of those dictaphones? They’re like, a hundred bucks!”

He then goes on to say that he typically conducts interviews in the form of a 2-minute chat with the subject to ‘see what sort of bloke they are’ and makes up an article from there – a method he describes as ‘unorthodox’, and, critical of Summer’s more traditional reliance on facts and information, he challenges her to craft a better article on Lucas than one based on his seasoned methods of ‘nouse, and arbitrary hunches.’

Later, back at the office, Bradley hands Summer his article with a flourish, a story about how the class Lucas teaches at the local high school almost got cancelled, but then wasn’t.

“Hey,” says Bradley, in defence of his article. “No news is also a type of news.”


Needing Andrew to provide a witness statement for his court case, Chris approaches him at Charlies, only to be told in no uncertain terms by Andrew that he would not be complying with his request.Later, Chris meets Aidan at the basketball court, and Aidan asks how his meeting with Andrew went. “He told me to suck it!” replies Chris.

“ooh wow, it went that well?” responds Aidan.

At Charlie’s, Andrew comes to the realisation that his epilepsy may be more serious than he feared, as he almost collapses while wooing a random slut at Lassiter’s lake. As such, he seeks medical advice from the local murse, Aidan, who recommends a blood test and a night in hospital for observation – a suggestion Andrew immediately dismisses, concerned that his absence from his house for a night would inevitably lead to Paul finding out about his condition.

“No, of course I couldn’t just say I was out all night partying – he’d see straight through that and deduce that I was actually at the hospital receiving treatment for epilepsy!”


Paul’s detective skills may prove unnecessary, however, with Chris figuring that ‘something is going on’ – based on Andrew ‘being such a tool recently, coupled with Andrew’s newfound friendship with Aidan. Chris resolves to get to the bottom of this mystery.

Meanwhile, over at Charlie’s, Sonya organises a ‘big party’ for Jade’s farewell, with Jade thanking her profusely for going to so much effort.

“Oh i know!” replies Sonya. “I had to invite Callum and Kyle”

Back on ramsay st, Lucas runs into Kate, and informs her of Jade’s party, before suggesting that he go – a suggestion Kate disregards, telling Lucas that she’s not invited. “Well yeah,” replies Lucas. “But you’re not not invited”

Actually Lucas she is, she’s ‘not invited’, apparently a difficult notion for Lucas to comprehend. No wonder he keeps showing up at my ‘dress as your least favourite neighbours character’ parties.

Over at the coffee shop, Chris asks Aidan if he’ll be going to Jade’s party, but he declines, saying he has some ‘work stuff to take care of’, instead of saying something far more realistic, given the nature of Aidan and Jade’s relationship, or rather, lack thereof.

“Jade…ummm… which one is she again?” replies Aidan. “Is she the pregnant woman who bakes those muffins?”

Anyway, the ‘party’ ends, and Jade gets into a cab to leave Erinsborough, hopefully forever.

Good riddance, skank. Try not to give the driver an old-fashioned en route to the airport!