Archive for November, 2012

Neighbours recap 29th October-2nd November 2012.

November 22, 2012


Jade’s still here, but hopefully will be gone soon, as Kyle appears to have broken up with her. Distraught, Jade goes for a run, but soon realises that all the running in the world can’t distance her from her true love, and everything she sees reminds her of him.

sometimes, this show isn’t very subtle

Having met a woman on the internet, Karl looks to Rhys for advice for what to do on their first date, with Rhys suggesting he do something in line with her interests. Aware that she likes Heston Blumenthal, Karl decides to make her a multi-course meal, replete with fancy-chef frippery.

“Yes Chris, of course I need the blowtorch to sear my tuna. What do you use it for?” asks Karl, sneeringly. “Manual labour?

Over at number 30, Jade talks to Sonya about her breakup with Kyle – Jade is distraught, but Sonya suggests she try to see it from Kyle’s perspective – “Kyle loves to be surrounded by his family and friends,” suggests Sonya. “And a long distance relationship with a girlfriend doesn’t really fit into that.”

And yet, ironically, the only friend Kyle has had on this show, Honga, has never been seen

Jade then heads home and tells Kyle that she intends to sell her business and stay in Erinsborough.

I know I’ve made this point before, but it bears repeating – the notion of Jade creating a series of international franchises of a business based on a non-copyrightable idea that struggles to attract 10 people to any given session in its city of origin is one of the most deeply stupid storylines the writers have ever foisted upon us.

Meanwhile, over at number 28, Karl’s date, short of being appreciative for Karl’s thoughtful, artfully arranged meal, is highly critical of Karl’s preparations. “It’s just all too much!” she says, evidently unaccustomed to grand romantic gestures.

“Why couldn’t you just fuck me in a cheap motel room before sneaking out in the morning and never calling me again?”


Over at number 30, Sonya learns that Vanessa hasn’t RSVP’d to her baby shower and heads to the coffee shop to ask why she isn’t planning on attending.

“I’m sorry Sonya, it’s just that I don’t really know you – I mean, you buy coffees from here occasionally, but that’s about the extent of our relationship.” replies Vanessa.

Walking to school, Harley witnesses Rani and Callum chatting and becomes incredibly jealous, excusing himself so he can head home to sulk.

Take note, would-be ruffians, this is how bad boys behave.

Back at number 30, Toadie’s cousin, Mudcrabs Rebecchi, decrees the baby shower to be…

“The Best Baby Shower Ever!”

No sooner had she finished raising her plastic tumbler of fruit juice in celebration, however, comes a boisterous call from someone entering the front door. “Attention, inmates of the house of trouser!” shouts the mystery individual, who, no shit, turns out to be none other than Connor O’Neill, carrying a case of beer.

“Toadie, is that you?” asks Connor, squinting at Sonya. “You haven’t changed a bit! You’re still a fat, pasty bitch!”

 Needless to say, his bold entrance into a room full of women at a  baby shower is highly comical. Connor then goes on to admit that Toadie had not been expecting him, and that he had not, in fact, so much as spoken to him ‘in ages’.

Evidently, the possibility of Toadie having moved out of the house had not occurred to him – something he probably should have determined beforehand, as entering a stranger’s house, unbidden, wearing underpants and carrying a case of beer surely qualifies as some kind of sex crime. Seriously though, I’m pretty stoked to see Connor back on Ramsay St.

Although, he’s no Lance Wilkinson. Also, I think beer is supposed to go into that Helmet.

At Erinsborough High, Harley strengthens his bond with Rani with a gift of a necklace, but it’s not all bad news for Callum, as he seizes the opportunity to stare at her can.

Kyle then arrives at the school in a huff – it seems that the necklace belongs to Jade, and Harley had pinched it. For a while it looks like something interesting might happen, but unfortunately the situation climaxes with Kyle calling Harley the worst word he can think of.

“You’re stupid!” He (actually) says


Over at no.32, Vanessa’s mum tells Vanessa that ‘Father Vincent” is coming over to meet the couple – that is, Vanessa and Lucas. You see, they’re getting married in a sham ceremony.

Anyway, Vanessa freaks out about the priest’s visit, because, as she tells Lucas – they need to convince him they’re compatible, “because if he doesn’t think we’re a proper couple, he’ll tell my mum. And if mum doesn’t think we’re a proper couple…”  However, we never actually get to find out what mum’s reaction would be, because Lucas interrupts, though I wonder precisely how much Vanessa’s mum’s disapproval means to Vanessa- I mean, this is someone who, in 7 months of her being on ramsay st never once spoke of her mother, or bothered to tell her she was pregnant, which suggests that the two have no relationship whatsoever. And clearly Vanessa doesn’t rely upon her mother for any kind of financial support – so why, precisely, is Vanessa suddenly so concerned about what her mother thinks – that is, concerned to the point of entering into a sham marriage?

Honestly writers, is this the best you can do? I mean, the entire situation is completely unbelievable and defies all logic – but that isn’t even the worst part of the storyline – no, that would be the fact that it hasn’t even been two years since another couple of best friends on ramsay st entered into a sham marriage.

Anyway, Father Vincent arrives and subjects them to a game show style interrogation, separately asking Vanessa and Lucas the same set of questions about their relationship and plans for their future.

Unfortunately, it all comes unstuck when Vanessa finds herself unable to answer the question: “So what first attracted you to Lucas?”

At any rate, despite submitting wildly different answers, the priest gives his blessing regardless, thus rendering the entire scene meaningless. Hooray!

Later, at Charlie’s, Rhys consolidates his position as my favourite character by electing to take out his frustrations not by punching a bag, but by punching a face.

I guess the punching bag was on annual leave


Over at no.30, Mudcrabs Rebecchi becomes frustrated as she finds herself uninvited to participate in the boys’ reindeer games, as Toadie and Kyle, emboldened by the presence of Connor, indulge in some rare misogyny, as they pretend for a moment that they are something other than the most whipped guys on ramsay st.

“Hey woman!” barks Toadie. “Go make me a sandwich, with the crusts cut off, like mothe… like Sonya makes.”

Over at Erinsborough News, Summer becomes dismayed as she overhears Susan lining up a replacement for Bradley Fox. Confronting him at Charlie’s, Summer learns that she has been all too successful in finding a replacement for Max, as Bradley Fox, like her father before him, has chosen to abandon her in order to work in a faraway location.

“And that’s the end of it! Now, straight to bed, young lady!”demands Bradley Fox.

However, Bradley Fox appears unwilling to call it quits on their relationship just yet, suggesting his decision to move to Perth was done with a heavy heart, and only because it was a ‘great opportunity’, though his judgement in this regard deserves to be called into question, as he is presently employed by Erinsborough News, a position he was thrilled to accept.

“I’ll be working at the West Warrumbingee Bugle, it’s one of the top 5 newspapers in the district!”

Bradley Fox then invites her to go with him, stating encouragingly that she should have no problem getting a job, insofar as she is ‘smart and hot’, before declaring that he could also write her a reference.

“”I could mention how you’re great at all sorts of jobs,” suggests Bradley. “Blow, and hand, especially.”

Back at number 30, the guys and mudcrabs sit and play games and drink actual beer

I expect that any moment now, Mudcrabs will pass out from intoxication and will have to be hospitalised.

At the coffee shop, Susan informs Karl of Bradley Fox’s resignation and they discuss the prospect of Summer and Bradley Fox breaking up. “It’s not like it’s her first breakup,” says Susan. “No,” replies Karl. “But it might be her hardest”

“I mean, sure, she turned one guy homosexual and had another long term boyfriend cheat on her with a random skank right under her nose, but an amicable ending to a two-week long relationship is definitely worse.” ponders Dr. Karl.


At Erinsborough News, Summer hands in her resignation,  cattily telling Susan that there’s ‘more to life than the suburbs.’ Hopefully, Summer’s departure will lead to Susan having to take up the responsibility of social media coordinator, where she’ll be subjected to a barrage of vicious tweets from disenfranchised readers, seeking to comment on the fact that the newspaper’s stories, much like the paper on which they’re printed, consists of cheap, recycled pulp.

At the men’s shed, Chris gets Sophie to teach him how to play guitar, which I’m assuming he’s doing as part of a ploy to get her to come out of her shell. However, their lesson is interrupted by Kate, who tells Chris that she’s been sent by Summer and Tash to ask him to meet them at Charlie’s for drinks, because mobile phones don’t exist in Erinsborough, right? I mean, they have to send Kate to physically deliver a message? Instead of Kate, they should just use a carrier pigeon.

It’d be faster. And have bigger breasts.

Later, Summer heads to the bus stop to meet Bradley, with the plan for them to head to the airport and fly to Perth together. Bradley, however, throws a spanner in the works, announcing that he’d already arrived in Perth when summer calls to ask why he isn’t at the bus stop. He then proceeds to blow her off and suggests that her going to Perth probably isn’t such a great idea. So that’s that.

I’m pretty glad that Bradley Fox turned out to be the cunt that his cunt face suggested he would be.