Neighbours recap 26th-30th November 2012

by

MON

Outside the coffee shop, Karl comes across Carmel and invites her to lunch, and not merely lunch at the coffee shop, or Charlie’s, but at fine diner Lanzini’s, which you may remember as the setting for such wacky spectacles as ‘Toadie and Joel pretend to be Argentinian soccer stars to impress women’ and ‘Declan having to strip to pay the bill’. Nevertheless, the suggestion impresses the pants off Carmel, as it would all Ramsay st women

"Ooh, Lanzinis," whispers Carmel, loins aquiver.

“Ooh, Lanzinis,” whispers Carmel, loins aquiver.

At Harold’s, Rhys brings up Vanessa’s number on his phone but hesitates to call her.

'Veno wine bar'? I wonder if the writers are aware that veno means nothing in any language. Perhaps they meant Vino. Four-letter words are hard sometimes.

‘Veno wine bar?’ I wonder if the writers are aware that veno means nothing in any language. Perhaps they meant Vino. Four-letter words are hard sometimes.

Kate, searching vainly for a role for her character, then approaches Rhys and lectures him on his need to fight for Vanessa, advice which Rhys is dismissive of, to Kate’s chagrin. “I’m your friend, Rhys,” she says. “Whether you want me to be or not.”

Kate appears to have a unique take on the manner in which friendship works

Kate appears to have a unique take on the manner in which friendship works

At Charlie’s, Susan cunt-blocks her sister with extreme prejudice, demanding she accompany her to some bullshit movie instead of lunching with Karl at Lanzini’s

"But it's Lanzini's, Susan." pleads Carmel. "Lanzini's!"

“But Susan, it’s Lanzini’s.” pleads Carmel. “Lanzini’s!”

Returning home after a walk around the block with Lucas, Vanessa finds a message, spelled out in cupcakes on her driveway

I assume this is Lynn's belated apology to Donna, for her cupcake-baking avoidance that killed her husband.

I assume this is Lynn’s belated apology to Donna, for the cupcake-baking avoidance that killed her husband.

Anyway, it turns out that Rhys is the one responsible for the offensive gesture of  littering scores of the patisserie item Vanessa has  made her signature dessert by laying them on the filthy pavement. However, Vanessa and Rhys fail to reconcile and Rhys heads to Charlie’s for a beer and to gloat to Kate of his emotional power over Vanessa. “I’m the best thing that ever happened to her,” he boasts.

"And if i'm not the smarmiest, basically-good-but-also-a-bit-evil, most confident with the ladies doctor Ramsay st has ever seen, then my name isn't Darcy Tyler. I mean, Rhys Lawson."

“And if i’m not the smarmiest, basically-good-but-also-a-bit-evil, most confident-with-the-ladies doctor Ramsay st has ever seen, then my name isn’t Darcy Tyler. I mean, Rhys Lawson.”

TUE

Over at the house of Trouser, the boys ready themselves for some G-rated mayhem to celebrate Toadie’s buck’s party. Looking nervously over his shoulder to make sure Sonya isn’t within earshot, Toadie learns in toward Connor and whispers, “Did you remember to get the stripper?”

“Sure did!” comes Connor’s reply, his eyes aglint with mischief.

"Industrial strength," continues Connor. "Sonya will never know about the finger-painting mishap!"

“Industrial strength,” continues Connor. “Sonya will never know about the finger-painting mishap!”

Over at the disabled people home, Rhys seeks dating advice from his disabled mother, proclaiming that he’d tried everything, to no avail.

"Have you tried massaging her paralysed legs? That always works for me," suggests his mother, helpfully.

“Have you tried massaging her paralysed legs? That always works for me,” suggests his mother, helpfully.

Back at the house of trouser, a series of hijinks too dull to describe here results in Toadie’s hands being stuck inside some novelty-sized boxing gloves, and just as Toadie resolves to wait it out for a few hours until the glue naturally loses its adhesiveness – which is apparently something glue does – his phone rings. It’s his work, and they want to do a video conference in 5 minutes!

You see, Toadie's job is so high-pressured and intense that bosses consider it appropriate - normal, even - to call employees on their buck's weekends and make them work.

You see, Toadie’s job is so high-pressured and intense that bosses consider it appropriate – normal, even – to call employees on their buck’s weekends and make them work.

At any rate, the laughs keep rolling in as Toadie, unable to remove the gloves, proceeds with the call, with surrogate arms supplied by Connor and Lucas. So what was the urgent video call? From what i can gather, it consisted entirely of one individual asking Toadie if he’d sent a report (he had), and asking if a fact on a different report was correct (it was). Given the nature of the correspondence, a video phone call appeared unnecessary, with a normal phone call – like the one he received 5 minutes earlier alerting him to the fact there’d be a video conference in 5 minutes – absolutely sufficient.

I guess the writers were hoping you'd be too distracted by the arms'comic flailing to pay attention to the content of the conversation.

I guess the writers were hoping you’d be too distracted by the arms’ comic flailing to pay attention to the content of the conversation.

Later, Chris is upset to find out from Karl that Aidan had lied about having had a meeting, when in fact he had cancelled his initial appointment with a union representative in preparation for his disciplinary hearing relating to the Andrew Robinson medical case.

As Neighbours writers, we've been asked to care about a lot of banal shit over the years, but this just about takes the cake.

As Neighbours fans, we’ve been asked to care about a lot of banal shit over the years, but this just about takes the cake.

WED

Over at number 22, Paul lavishes praise upon Andrew for adhering to his medication schedule and ‘managing his illness.’ “What illness?” replies Andrew, cheekily.

“That’s the spirit,” replies Paul, heartily.

I guess I must have imagined Andrew's refusal to acknowledge his condition a couple of weeks ago being the cause of significant animosity between Paul and Andrew

I guess I must have imagined Andrew’s refusal to acknowledge his condition a couple of weeks ago being the cause of significant animosity between Paul and Andrew

Over at number 26, Harley and Kyle have a turkey cook-off to determine who gets to cook Christmas lunch, with predictable results.

A living, breathing turkey died for the sake of this 'whimsical' scenario

A living, breathing turkey died for the sake of this ‘whimsical’ scenario

Over at Lassiters, Tash, carrying one of Paul’s legs, shows up at reception carrying one of Paul’s legs in order to make the point that he has been able to succeed despite a disability, so Andrew should be given the same opportunity.

So time-poor is Paul, he pre-socks his prosthetic legs.

So time-poor is Paul, he pre-socks his prosthetic legs.

THU

The drama continues at no.22, as Paul debates with Andrew over his ability to return to work – you know, because we care so much about Andrew’s working status. Incidentally, I think this scene represents the point at which Andrew’s epilepsy storyline has been milked for all it’s worth.

At Charlie’s, a mystery stranger strolls in and introduces himself as Nick Malone, from ‘The Good Bar Book.’

'The Good Bar Book'? Really?

‘The Good Bar Book?’ Really?

Nick goes on to announce that he’s ‘there for the review’, which makes Andrew very excited. ‘This could really put us on the map!’ he gushes.

"And as the only bar in town, with a monopoly on liquor distribution, we need all the help we can get!"

“And as the only bar in town, with a monopoly on liquor distribution, we need all the help we can get!”

Anyway, the bar book rep turns out to be quite the fuckwit, sneering derisively at the poster for The Right Prescription, which suggests he’s familiar with them, otherwise his sneering would suggest a general disdain for unsigned bands playing gigs at small local bars.

"'The Right Prescription?'" sneers Nick. "The West Waratah Watering Hole had ACDC last week."

“‘The Right Prescription?'” ridicules Nick. “The West Waratah Watering Hole had ACDC last week.”

Sitting at a table, Nick asks for the cocktail list and studies their meager selection before asking, in sarcastic fashion – “Is that all?”

“Never mind,” he continues. “Just give me an old fashioned.”

Andrew’s performance is lackluster, however, and leaves Nick pining for more. To whit, he tries his hand at sleazing onto Tash – first telling her that she has a beautiful smile, then slipping an arm around her waist. However, his appeals fall on deaf ears, because everyone knows Tash would never go for a guy like that:

Neighbours week 26Tash kissing new man IvanLicensed by Channel 5 broadcasting

The final straw comes when Nick runs a hand up her leg- prompting Andrew to throw him out.

“Big mistake, Charlie’s bar!” roars Nick. “Your waitresses could learn a thing about service from the girls at the West Waratah, where the service really sucks!” he says, with a wink. “If you know what I mean…”

"By which I mean, they sucked my penis," he explains, unnecessarily

“By which I mean, they sucked my penis,” he explains, unnecessarily

Andrew and Tash take five after this ugly incident, with Tash at pains to explain to Andrew that she isn’t the sort of girl who throws herself at a guy because of some sleazy, insincere compliments.

"No," she explains. "It's an employer conforming to their minimum legal duty of care requirements that really turns me on."

“No,” she explains. “It’s an employer conforming to their minimum legal duty-of -care requirements that really turns me on.”

Honestly though, this scene suggests that Tash was overwhelmed with affection for Andrew for the way that he didn’t force her to acquiesce to sexual harassment for the sake of a good review for the bar. That’s a pretty low bar she’s set for herself there.

"Being with you just feels so natural," says Tash to Andrew. "Can you imagine me dating a sleaze like Nick? He'd probably wind up cheating on me with my best friend!"

“Being with you just feels so natural,” says Tash to Andrew. “Can you imagine me dating a sleaze like Nick? He’d probably wind up cheating on me with my best friend!”

FRI

Suspicious of her mother’s actions of late, Rani steals Paul’s phone and finds evidence of her mother’s sexual affairs. Or does it?

"No no," explains Priya. "The second part of that was: 'to help me organise the next school committee.' It must have been cut off."

“No no,” explains Priya. “The second part of that was: ‘to help me organise the next school committee.’ It must have been cut off.”

Meanwhile, over at the school dance, things get a bit spicy as the sheriff is called in to investigate a noise complaint.

"I can't go to prison!" pleads Lucas. "They''ll eat me alive!"

“I can’t go to prison!” pleads Lucas. “They”ll eat me alive!”

And over at no.26, Rani is so distressed by her mother’s behaviour that she submits to going to Franger with Harley, to be pack-raped by his dirtbag friends.

At least, that's what the ominous music suggests will happen

At least, that’s what the ominous music suggests will happen

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2 Responses to “Neighbours recap 26th-30th November 2012”

  1. Clare Says:

    Rhys and Susan go to the same barber

  2. Rich Says:

    Ah, good to be back 😀 Keep up the good work!

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