Archive for March, 2013

Neighbours recap 18th-23rd February

March 24, 2013

MON

Over at number 32, the Turners attend to Lou, who has a bump on his head as a result of his encounter with a masked intruder. Matt, the  new police officer in town, proves himself to be every bit as sharp as detective brennan as he surveys the house, before declaring, “we’re not dealing with a criminal mastermind here.”

"Yes, dispatch? You can go ahead and cancel that APB on Hans Gruber. This  case doesn't have any of his usual flourishes."

“Yes, dispatch?” begins Matt, with a tone of slight disappointment.  “You can go ahead and cancel that APB on Hans Gruber. This case doesn’t have any of his usual flourishes.”

Outside, Matt’s daughter bailey stashes some money inside a garden gnome.

Rani had better look out - with her sassy bob, I've got a feeling this one is going to have her eye on Callum!

Rani had better look out – with her sassy bob, I’ve got a feeling this one is going to have her eye on Callum!

At Charlie’s, Kate attempts to paint Georgia’s boyfriend Scotty as a bum, so as to make us, the viewers, feel less morally conflicted about her obvious feelings towards Kyle. “He didn’t even come down for Nell’s naming day!” shrieks Kate.

To think, he wouldn't even travel hundreds of kilometers to attend some bullshit ceremony for the daughter of a cousin of Georgia's, that, a month ago, neither he, nor Georgia, had ever met

To think, he wouldn’t even travel hundreds of kilometres to attend some bullshit ceremony for the daughter of a cousin of Georgia’s, that, a month ago, neither he, nor Georgia, had ever met

Over at no. 26, Rhys enters the living room to chat to Kyle, to encourage him to go on a double date with him.

And he's wearing a towel, for, well, no reason really.

And he’s wearing a towel, for, well, no reason really.

Look, I’m all for shameless voyeurism, but would it be too much to ask that for every shot of a shirtless hunk, they include one of a chick with huge knockers?

I should have been more careful with what i wished for

I should have been more careful with what i wished for

Later, at Charlie’s, the double date turns into a single date, as Rhys and his girl go back to his place for ‘dessert’.

Being new to puritanical Erinsborough, she's going to be disappointed to learn that 'dessert' means dessert

Being new to puritanical Erinsborough, she’s going to be disappointed to learn that ‘dessert’ means dessert

Kate and Georgia then enter the bar and take up prime position to spy on Kyle’s progress with his date – progress which, it must be said, is made in spite of Kyle’s date’s notable disdain for his lack of intelligence, such as her sneering contempt for Kyle’s enquiry as to whether her major, anthropology, is ‘like what Indiana Jones does?’

"Kiss me, you stud," she whispers. "And tell me again about your theory about how margarine and butter are the same thing."

“Kiss me, you stud,” she whispers. “And tell me again about your theory about how margarine and butter are the same thing.”

And while Georgia may be despondent about Kyle’s budding romance, the kiss from his date leaves Kyle searching for superlatives

I'm sure he'll think of something.

I’m sure he’ll think of something.

TUE

At Erinsborough News, Paul and Susan discuss the best way to give the paper a proper send off. Susan suggests a tribute to Erinsborough’s history, while Paul insists upon scandals, Personally, I think a recap of the paper’s hottest scoops is the order of the day:

There was the shocking expose on Erinsborough High’s evolving uniform policy

Th

And who could forget the libellious accusations of Ajay’s theft of baked goods

IMG_0324

Or the justice-obstructing attempt to portray Diana Marshall as an attempted murderer

IMG_0325

But of course, my all-time favourite Erinsborough News moment is, and forever will be…

IMG_0326

Truly though, this is a sad day in Erinsborough history. I guess the producers needed to cut down on their sets and just couldn’t afford to do away with any other of Neighbours’ cherished institutions, like the Men’s Shed, or the Dial-A-Kyle work allotment.

Anyway, over at the coffee shop, Priya confides in Kate that she’s recently been the recipient of several racy text messages, and tells Kate of her desire to report them to the police and have them traced, although she’d erased the last few, as ‘they were too disgusting’.

"I only intend to report the mild, inoffensive ones. After all, I wouldn't want to waste the police's time."

“I only intend to report the mild, inoffensive ones. After all, I wouldn’t want to waste the police’s time.”

She then dismisses Kate’s question as to whether the messages may be accidentally sent and not intended for her. “They know my name,” Priya explains.

It must be someone near to her -  only her closest friends and family refer to her by that name

It must be someone near to her – only her closest friends and family refer to her by that name

Anyway, curiosity, or perhaps just a desire to get nailed again, leads her to the meeting place, where she’s promptly met by Paul, who explains that he ‘followed her there’ because he didn’t ‘want her to confront this guy on her own.’

Paul's ability to divine her plan is remarkable, considering she never discussed the contents of the text messages with anyone

Paul’s ability to divine her plan is remarkable, considering she never discussed the contents of the text messages with anyone

Unfortunately for Priya, Paul’s company dissuades her paramour from meeting her, with shaky camera footage from behind a bush implying they intend to remain hidden

He was going to rape her in a public space, but was put off by the intimidating presence of a peg-legged pensioner

He was going to rape her in a public space, but was put off by the intimidating presence of a peg-legged pensioner

Over at Charlie’s, Georgia explains to Kate that she broke up with her boyfriend Scotty so that she might be able to continue ogling Kyle without experiencing the mild sense of guilt that came with her being in a long term relationship. “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do,” she tells Kate, somberly.

Acting sad involves two things: speaking, and making a sad face. Georgia doesn't appear to have mastered the second part

Acting sad involves two things: speaking, and making a sad face. Georgia doesn’t appear to have mastered the second part

and no, I didn’t take that picture out of context – that was literally the exact face she made. Maybe the neighbours budget is so tight they can only afford one take per scene.

Georgia then heads over to no. 26, to approach Kyle and make her feelings known.

"Hey kyle, what time limit does society deem reasonable before moving on from a long-term boyfriend? Is it less than 12 hours? Please say it's less than 12 hours."

“Hey kyle, what time limit does society deem reasonable before moving on from a long-term boyfriend? Is it less than 12 hours? Please say it’s less than 12 hours.”

Alas, Georgia’s attempt ends in misery, as they’re interrupted – in the grand tradition of Neighbours hack writing – by someone before she can get the words out.

WED

Over at Erinsborough Hospital, Lucas and Vanessa kiss, and I know that there have been numerous instances of Lucas with hotter chicks than anyone with a rudimentary understanding of the importance of mutual attraction in human courtship would consider appropriate, but this really is the most egregious one yet. I mean, there’s punching above your weight, and then there’s this.

IMG_0340

Over at number 30, Sonya races home from the nursery, having found out that Angie and Nell are missing from the house, with Angie not answering her phone.

It turns out she’s taken Nell for a walk with her phone on silent.

If  you were hoping for something other than the most banal, prosaic explanation for their absence, you'd have been disappointed. Me? I know this show too well

If you were hoping for something other than the most banal, prosaic explanation for their absence, you’d have been disappointed. Me? I know this show too well

In their room at the hospital, Lucas feigns an injury to his hand in the process of setting up the ‘defective’ fold out bed so as to solicit an invitation into Vanessa’s bed.

That greasy genius

That greasy genius

And over at no.28, Karl, fresh from being served divorce papers from Susan, crushing his last hopes of a reconciliation, kisses Sarah

And yet I'm sure that Susan-I-Want-My-Cake-And-Eat-It-Too-Kennedy will find some way to be outraged at this development

And yet I’m sure that Susan-I-Want-My-Cake-And-Eat-It-Too-Kennedy will find some way to be outraged at this development

THU

Alone in his kitchen the following day, Karl replays in his mind the events of the previous night, and we see that Karl did not, in fact, elect to take things further with Sarah, preferring instead to sadly cling to the ghost of his failed marriage to Susan

And for some reason, Karl's memories are not from his own perspective, but rather, from someone positioned a couple of metres to his left

And for some reason, Karl’s memories are not from his own perspective, but rather, from someone positioned a couple of metres to his left

Over at no.30,  Georgia noticed Kyle working in  the yard and endeavours to seduce him by stripping down in front of him and lathering him sexily with sunscreen. Unfortunately, her plan comes unstuck as Angie Rebecchi tells Georgia to piss off and takes over herself.

Angie! What would Big Kev think?

Angie! What would Big Kev think?

Kyle then learns of Georgia’s breakup with Scotty and heads to the coffee shop to chat with her. “I thought you might be a bit upset,” he offers.

“Why would I be upset?” she replies, cheerily.

Definitely girlfriend material, this one. Dumps her boyfriend of 7 years like it as nothing, and less than 24 hours later, is bemused as to why someone would think she'd be upset. Does she have aspergers?

Definitely girlfriend material, this one. Dumps her boyfriend of 7 years like it was nothing, and less than 24 hours later, is bemused as to why someone would think she’d be upset. Does she have aspergers?

Kyle then explains that Sheila told him about the breakup, which angers Georgia. “I told her to mind her own business!” she cries.

"Why did she have to tell you I was single!" she huffs. "My plan to win your affections would have been much easier when you thought I was involved in a long-term relationship!"

“Why did she have to tell you I was single!” she huffs. “My plan to win your affections would have been much easier when you thought I was involved in a long-term relationship!”

FRI

Over at Erinsborough hospital, Lucas ‘accidentally’ barges in on Vanessa in the process of getting dressed. “Oops, sorry! My mistake!” he exclaims.

"No really," he continues. "I meant to walk in on the blonde next door."

“No really, It was an accident” he continues. “I meant to walk in on the blonde next door.”

Lucas then shows Vanessa the latest copy of Erinsborough news, in which his photo won ‘cutest baby’or some shit, which carried with it a $100 prize. “I’m thinking of using it to set up a fund for Patrick” suggests Lucas.

"Oh, you mean like Rhys did?" asks Vanessa. "Except his was twenty thousand dollars."

“Oh, you mean like Rhys did?” asks Vanessa. “Except his was twenty thousand dollars.”

At no.32, Lou corrals his daughter’s family outside and reveals to his granddaughter that he’s purchased her pet horse.

He must have bought it with all that money he has.

He must have bought it with all that money he has.

In the coffee shop, however, Amber tells Kate that it’s not her horse, but her boyfriend that she really misses. “He’s a bit like a horse himself, if you know what I mean,” continues Amber, with a sly wink.

"Oh, is it his long face?" chirps Kate, who likes guessing games.

“Oh, is it his long face?” chirps Kate, who likes guessing games.

And over at no. 32, someone finally gets around to asking Lou where he got the money for the horse, considering the fact that he’s broke. It’s resolved thusly:

"Oh yes, well, I had some money saved up."

“Oh yes, well, I had some money saved up.”

I guess Lou’s interpretation of ‘broke’ is different to the rest of us.

Back at the coffee shop, Kate tells Amber that she has to stop using her horse, Patches, as a surrogate for her boyfriend. Amber replies that “he hasn’t even replied to my text messages for days.”

“What?” replies Kate. “Your boyfriend hasn’t?”

No Kate, Patches the horse hasn't replied to the text messages. Honestly, who writes this shit?

No Kate, Patches the horse hasn’t replied to the text messages. Honestly, who writes this shit?

Later, out on the street, the Turners farewell Amber’s horse, having decided that they couldn’t afford to keep it, and from the bushes, a creepy guy observes.

It's their son, Mason, who has a head like a pumpkin.

It’s their son, Mason, who has a head like a pumpkin.

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