Archive for April, 2013

Neighbours recap 18th-22nd March

April 20, 2013

MON

Over at number 32, Mason tells Amber that he saw her and Robbo in the park, ‘pashin’. He then tells her to be careful with him and that he’s playing her, and that ‘the situation is much bigger than she realises..’, before being interrupted by their mum, who walks into the room to ask ‘Is everything ok?’ as though she were a maître d’

"Yes, could we get some more bread please?" asks Mason.

“Yes, could we get some more bread please?” asks Mason.

Naturally, Amber and Mason can’t simply continue their conversation elsewhere – say, in one of their rooms, or the backyard, because the action has to shift to no.30, where Angie Rebecchi, back in town for the wedding, apologises to Sonya for calling her a crack-addled whore.

Unfortunately, the peace doesn’t last long, with Angie losing her shit upon finding out that Sonya’s dress is second-hand, and that Toadie has seen the dress in advance of their ceremony, as though high culture and tradition were suddenly things of importance to her.

"I trust you'll at least uphold the Rebecchi tradition of conceiving your first born in a truck-stop toilet"

“I trust you’ll at least uphold the Rebecchi tradition of conceiving your first born in a truck-stop toilet”

Back at number 32, Mason finally tells the story of his criminal past, with the flashback shown in super-cool blue-toned, shaky stop-motion effect, which makes it look just like a Hollywood blockbuster. Anyway, Mason reveals that when his father, the policeman, arrived at the crime scene, Robbo bailed, leaving him to deal with his father’s wrath.

But first, Robbo stopped to stash the takings from the heist on the back seat of Mason's mother's car, which, as the primary domestic vehicle of the arresting officer, makes for the perfect hiding spot.

But first, Robbo stopped to stash the takings from the heist on the back seat of Mason’s parents’ car, which, as the primary domestic vehicle of the arresting officer, makes for the perfect hiding spot.

Mason then reveals that Robbo is back in town for his share of the spoils. What i want to know is this – money was taken from a warehouse, and given that Robbo was able to escape before the police showed up, and that the money wasn’t found on Mason’s body at the time of his arrest, then surely the judicial consensus is that Mason has secreted the money somewhere and has been keeping silent about its location.

As such, his failure to co-operate with police during the investigation by disclosing its location would almost certainly have led to a harsher sentence from the criminal court, especially in light of his previous criminal history, and would surely have resulted in Mason still being behind bars, as opposed to flirting shirtlessly with his flat-chested neighbours on ramsay st.

Mason then approaches Robbo and tells him to stay away from his sister, but Robbo is insistent that he get his share of the cash, or else he’ll tell the police that Matt had covered up the fact that Bailey was present at the scene of the crime.

"And who do you think they're going to believe?" asks Robbo. "An upstanding member of the force, who proved his iron resolve by arresting his own son, and with years of loyal service, or me, a greasy low-life with a criminal record a mile long?"

“And who do you think they’re going to believe?” asks Robbo. “An upstanding member of the force, who proved his iron resolve by arresting his own son, and with years of loyal service, or me, a greasy low-life with a criminal record a mile long?”

And at the end of the episode, long-suffering fans of the show are treated to a rare surprise-you see, typically, close friends and relatives of those on ramsay st, once departed from the show, will not return for things like births, deaths or weddings. Naturally, Sonya and Toadie’s wedding is no exception, except that in this case, we, the viewers, are at least provided with weak, half-arsed justifications.

It seems that Sonya has been hynotised into thinking that she's a chicken, and Connor has developed a rare case of gigantism as a result of an addiction to nerve tonic.

It seems that Jade has been hynotised into thinking that she’s a chicken, and Connor has developed a rare case of gigantism as a result of an addiction to nerve tonic.

TUE

Well, it’s finally arrived – Sonya and Toadie’s big day. As surrogate parents of  Toadie’s for several years, Karl and Susan are understandably thrilled

Not Kyle though. He's just grateful for the opportunity to slyly check out Rani's chest.

Not Kyle though. He’s just grateful for the opportunity to slyly check out Rani’s chest.

Anyway, for what it’s worth, it was a pretty good ceremony, and after its conclusion, Toadie pulls Sonya aside to confide in her that the best part of the whole day was that there’d been ‘no disasters’.

This is what's known as foreshadowing

This is what’s known as foreshadowing

Outside Lassiter’s, Sonya witnesses what appears to be a foiled burglary, with Robbo yelling at a balaclaved Mason that ‘there wasn’t supposed to be a security guard there’ – leading to their having to abort their attempt. Naturally, Sonya calls the police.

"I'm glad you called us Sonya," says Matt. "Not committing a crime is a serious offence."

“I’m glad you called us Sonya,” says Matt. “Not committing a crime is a serious offence.”

At the reception, Kyle is MC, and his first order of business is to read emails from absent invitees, such as Toadie’s brother Stonefish, who’d written to say,

‘Remember Toadie, marriage is like a 3-ring circus – first comes the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then comes the suffering.’

Kyle stares blankly ahead for a few moments, before a look of understanding washes over his face and he erupts in laughter.

"Suffering! Oh, I get it!" chortles Kyle. "It's because his last two wives are dead and in prison!"

“Suffering! Oh, I get it!” chortles Kyle. “It’s because his last two wives are dead and in prison!”

Next, Toadie and Spnya perform a choreographed dance routine, because they’re wacky funsters.

Kyle looks about as amused as i was

Kyle looks about as amused as i was

Outside the marquee, Sonya prepares to throw the bouquet, and just as she does so, she vividly recalls that Mason, serving drinks at the wedding, is wearing the same belt as the balaclavad individual she’d witnessed earlier. Looks like Mason’s boned! Unless, of course, something catastrophic were to occur before Sonya had the chance to share her story with the police. But really, something like that would  be unlikely in the extreme..

Kaboom!

Kaboom!

WED

In Australia, channel Eleven has recently taken to broadcasting old episodes of Neighbours. Well, by old, I mean episodes from 2007 or so, so not really old at all, but enough to remind me that this show wasn’t always about flashy gimmickry. In just the last week  we had Dylan’s rejection of Paul as a father figure and Elle having cake thrown in her face by a jealous Carmella.

For mafiosa Carmella, it was either that, or put  a horse's head in her bed

For mafiosa Carmella, it was either that, or put a horse’s head in her bed

And sure, there were some big stories too, like Frazer getting run over at a racetrack

But it had heart. It was real

But it had heart. It was real

Now, giant explosions and shit, I always thought that was the preserve of Home & Away, but it looks like the quest for ratings is pushing Neighbours to ever more absurd heights. Or lows. Either way, let’s enjoy the ride!

At the wedding, one of the worst affected weddings guests is Priya, who isn’t breathing and is rushed to hospital. Ajay is understandably distraught.

"Ah man, I just moved all her shit back into the bedroom. I tell you, that chest of drawers was 60 kilos if it was an ounce!"

“Ah man, I just moved all her shit back into the bedroom. I tell you, that chest of drawers was 60 kilos if it was an ounce!”

Also at the hospital, Rhys is visited by his mother. He has fractured ribs, he tells her, but nothing serious.

"I''ll be back on my feet in no time." he remarks, insensitively.

“I”ll be back on my feet in no time.” he remarks, insensitively.

Discharging himself, Rhys asks Kyle for a lift home.

One second he's hale and hearty. And the next, dead.

One second he’s hale and hearty. And the next, dead.

Now, if this were an isolated incident, I wouldn’t think too much of it, but the neighbours writers actually seem think that this is the way that people die.

Stingray. Such a hufta.

Stingray. Such a hufta.

THU

With Rhys dead, Kyle takes it upon himself to inform Vanessa of his passing

"Dead, is it?" asks Vanessa, exasperated. "How like him. He's always making some grand gesture or another to get me to love him again."

“Dead, is it?” asks Vanessa, exasperated. “How like him. He’s always making some grand gesture or another to get me to love him again.”

Anyway, Vanessa officially forfeited any right to feel upset about Rhys the moment she chose Lucas above him, and in so doing, declaring him lower than dirt.

Over at number 32, Mason throws his balaclava away, and hastens to take the rubbish outside, but is interrupted by Matt, who, if he were any sort of policeman, might have been suspicious of Mason’s defensiveness when asked about the Lassiter’s almost-robbery, and his awkward reaction when asked if he needed a hand carrying out the rubbish.

Perhaps Mason should have said "Help? It's a fucking tiny bag of rubbish. What help are you offering? To hold my hand as i walk outside to the bin?"

Perhaps Mason should have said “Help? It’s a fucking tiny bag of rubbish. What help are you offering? To hold my hand as i walk outside to the bin?”

Over at the hospital, Karl delivers some tough news to Ajay: Priya’s brain dead and won’t be waking up. He’s sure, because he ran the tests two times, and then ghoulishly suggests to Ajay that they immediately begin harvesting organs from her still-living body.

"well, if it makes you feel better," sighs Karl, frustrated by Ajay's horrified expression. "I suppose we can kill her first before we begin stripping her for parts like a '64 chevy."

“well, if it makes you feel better,” sighs Karl, frustrated by Ajay’s horrified expression. “I suppose we can kill her first before we begin stripping her for parts like a ’64 chevy.”

Elsewhere in the hospital, Karl attends Sonya, and in the mood for liver and onions, is disappointed to witness her come back from the brink of death and regain consciousness. With no permanent injuries, Sonya appears to have recovered completely, except, surprise surprise, she has no memory of her wedding day and can’t recall identifying Mason as the lassiter’s bandit.

"But don't worry," reassures Karl. "A bout of amnesia is completely normal on ramsay st. Like with Paul, Susan, Zeke and Sophie. I'm sure that your memory will come back, perhaps via a knock to the head, at a time when it's convenient to advance the plot."

“But don’t worry,” reassures Karl. “A bout of amnesia is completely normal on ramsay st. Like with Paul, Susan and Zeke. I’m sure that your memory will come back, perhaps via a knock to the head, at a time when it’s convenient to advance the plot.”

FRI

At Charlie’s, Mason presses Lou for information about Sonya’s condition, which arouses Lou’s suspicions. “What’s the matter with you?” he asks. “You’ve been on edge since the day of the accident!” as though being shaken from witnessing an explosion that killed two people and injured several others was something that warranted suspicion.

Yeah Boston, what's the deal?

Yeah Boston, what gives?

Over at number 26, Kyle opens the fridge and sees something that gives him pause. “Rhys bought these beers,” he comments, glumly.

“Well, I guess it’s kind of fitting that we drink them today then,” adds Chris.

"To Rhys!" toasts Kyle. "he used to love it when his housemates, from whom he could barely conceal his loathing, drank his beers. Hey, maybe we should also 'borrow' his ipod and leave dirty plates on his bed."

“To Rhys!” toasts Kyle. “he used to love it when his housemates, toward whom he could barely conceal his loathing, drank his beers. Hey, maybe we should also ‘borrow’ his ipod and leave dirty plates on his bed.”

Over at number 30, Scotty greets Georgia with a few of her favourite things – a glass of chardonnay, a stack of Glee dvds, and the collected works of Ricky Martin jazzing away in the background.

Unfortunately for him, Georgia is less than impressed. “Damn it Scotty, these are your favourite things! You don’t know me at all!”  she screams. Scotty, however, is quick to defuse the situation, as he sits her down and suggests they get married right away.

"Oh, it'll be fab!" he ensures. "There'll be cocktails, dancing, and those waiters from Chippendales!"

“Oh, it’ll be fab!” he ensures. “There’ll be cocktails, dancing, and those waiters from Chippendales!”

Later, upon finding out about Georgia’s planned wedding, Kyle stops by to tell her some hard truths, delivered with all the subtlety he’s capable of

"Scotty's into dudes!"

“Scotty’s into dudes!”

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