Neighbours 1st-5th July

by

MON

Over at number 26, Georgia bursts through the door to announce that “there’s a massive storm forecast for tonight, so i was thinking.. pizza and movies!”

Mason was especially excited

Mason was especially excited

Georgia then postulates that the pizza may take longer than 30 minutes to arrive, on account of the storm. This news seems to delight Mason

There's that face again. I guess the producers must have told him to act harder

There’s that face again. I guess the producers must have told him to act harder

Unfortunately for Mason, his joy is short-lived. as he remembers that Kate has just had a one night stand with a mystery man, whose identity she’s yet to divulge- a fact that makes Mason retarded with fury

Woah Mason, not that hard

Woah Mason, not that hard

Inside, Kyle suggests that Kate just tell Mason that it was Brennan, in order to put him out of his misery. Kate protests, however, as ‘Brennan was the reason we broke up last time, it would be the worst one!’

Or she could just say it was a random stranger in a bar, which would come as a surprise to no one

Or she could just say it was a random stranger in an alley behind a bar, which would come as a surprise to no one

Anyway, it seems as though Kate’s conscience gets the better of her as she tells Mason that he ‘deserves to know the truth…’

After the commercials, we’re back at number 26, where a sullen Mason sits alone in the living room, and is approached by Kyle. Mason, glaring at Kyle, tells him that “she told me…… she slept with Brennan.”

Those crafty writers, that pause seemed to suggest that Mason had actually been told the truth about Kate and Kyle. And it seemed totally believable, because people really speak like that in real life.

This show.....is really shit.

This show…..is really shit.

At any rate, Mason seems to find the idea of Kate with Brennan especially egregious, and dismisses Kate’s defense that ‘it meant nothing’. As Mason explains to Kyle, “Kate wouldn’t just jump into bed with anyone unless there were feelings there.”

Is sluttiness a feeling?

Is sluttiness a feeling?

And over at the coffee shop, Don tells Amber to stay the hell away from Josh. Apparently she’s a distraction, and if elite swimmers are going to have any chance of making it to the top, they can’t date girls.

Oh.. i see.

Oh.. i see.

TUE

Over at number 30, Sonya’s uncle walter is still hanging around. And as he sits down to breakfast with the Rebecchi’s, he speaks of his fondness for Nell, and that her cute chubbiness reminds him of Sonya as a baby. “Yeah,” chirps Callum, eagerly. “What was mum like as a baby?”

"Yes Alex, i'll take 'things no teenage boy has ever asked' for $100"

“Yes Alex, i’ll take ‘Things no teenage boy has ever asked’ for $100”

Over at the coffee shop, Chris finds Brad and drops a bombshell – that he thinks Don is making Josh train in a different discipline because he’s already got a good swimmer in Josh’s preferred event. According to Brad, this is something that ‘the dodgier coaches do’

"Unethical coaches hate having two good swimmers in the same event, for some reason," explains Brad, helpfully.

“Unethical coaches hate having two good swimmers in the same event, for some reason,” explains Brad, helpfully.

Perhaps the writers think that swimming is like football, and you can only have one person in each position on the field at a time? I don’t know, i can’t make sense of it.

Anyway, over at the Erinsborough park rotunda, Callum engineers a romantic rendezvous for Bailey and Rani. And in case there was any doubt as to his intentions, he’s even left a note

Surely writing 'signed' is superfluous?

Surely writing ‘signed’ is superfluous?

 

WED

Over at number 30, Toadie presents Callum with a platter of fried gristle, which looks remarkably like an english breakfast, but which Toadie refers to as the ‘Rebecchi Special’, but Callum is too brokenhearted to eat.

Fat people hate comfort eating when they've got the blues

Fat people hate comfort eating when they’ve got the blues

At Charlie’s, Kate moans about all the free time she’s got during the school holidays. Trying to cheer her up, Mason suggests she take a trip away. “What, go on a holiday by myself?” she snorts, derisively.

Hang on, wasn't exactly that the singular focus of her biggest storyline in the last year?

Hang on, wasn’t exactly that the singular focus of her biggest storyline in the last year?

Kate then wonders whether she should go to Sydney to see Harry and Sophie. “What, again?” asks Mason, angrily.

"You've already visited Harry once this decade. Jeez!"

“You’ve already visited Harry once this decade. Jeez!”

And at Lassiters, Kyle is roped into playing the role of groom for a Lassiters hotel photoshoot, but they’re having trouble finding a bride. Until…

Quick Kyle, run!

Quick Kyle, run!

THU

As a reward for his work on the Lassiters photoshoot, Kyle is given a night in the ‘honeymoon suite.’ As one of the finest rooms in a 5-star hotel, it’s incredibly lavish

Sorry, I meant 'shit'. I'm always getting those two words mixed up

‘Lavish’? Sorry, I meant ‘shit’. I’m always getting those two words mixed up

Later, Georgia naughtily suggests that they take a luxurious spa together, with a few glasses of champagne. Kyle halfheartedly agrees, and then, while his hot girlfriend lathers herself in soap suds in anticipation, Kyle falls asleep, where he dreams about something else altogether:

Did i miss the week where Kyle had his scrotum amputated?

Did i miss the week where Kyle had his scrotum amputated?

FRI

Over at no.22, Brad tells Josh that he thinks Don is under-timing him in the pool. To my astonishment, Josh actually challenges this claim with the rational question, “Why would he do that? It doesn’t help him or me.”

“Don’s a strategic guy,” mumbles Brad, in between mouthfulls of toast. “He doesn’t do anything without an agenda”

Oh, that clears that up then. Also, I assume that this deep insight into Don's personality comes from the couple of short conversations Brad has shared with him

Oh, that clears that up then. Also, I assume that this deep insight into Don’s personality comes from the couple of short conversations Brad has shared with him

Later, at Charlie’s, Matt pulls up a stool next to Brad and, after buying a beer

well, I say 'buying', but no money changes hands, the bartender just walks off after handing it to him. Maybe he's running a protection scam or something

well, I say ‘buying’, but no money changes hands, the bartender just walks off after handing it to him. Maybe Matt’s running a protection scam or something

He then tells Brad how annoying babies are and that he’s ‘glad those days are behind him’

And Lauren is pregnant.....now

And Lauren is pregnant…..now

Then, at the local pool, we witness how Don’s expert guidance has resulted in Josh dramatically improving his times in the pool

 

He's gone from 'slow' to 'fast'

He’s gone from ‘slow’ to ‘fast’

 

 

 

 

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