Neighbours recap 29th July-2nd August

by

MON

At no.32, Mason tells his mum how he’s been offered a job at Lassiters by Paul, and how he’s sure it will lead to great opportunities in the future

My money's on him becoming a crony or henchman, a la Dylan Timmins

My money’s on him becoming a crony or henchman, a la Dylan Timmins

Over at no.28, Susan endeavors to build a strong relationship with Holly, Karl’s love child. To this end, she condescendingly snatches a kettle away from her in the mistaken belief that ten year olds are incapable of making a cup of tea

If Susan really wants to be pals with her, why doesn't she just hit herself in the head with a saucepan and regress back to her 1w year-old self again?

If Susan really wants to be pals with her, why doesn’t she just hit herself over the head with a saucepan and regress back to her 12 year-old self again?

Meanwhile, at the coffee shop, Vanessa brings Bailey his lunch – a ‘chicken and avocado salad’.

“But i asked for the chips!” squeals Bailey, before turning sharply to Lauren. “Is this your way of trying to get me to eat vegetables?” he asks, with an air of self-satisfied smugness that lets her know that as the smart one, he won’t be so easily tricked into eating a big plate of vegetables

"Now just leave me alone so i can eat my big plate of fried potatoes!" demands Bailey

“Now just leave me alone so i can eat my big plate of fried potatoes!” demands Bailey

And later, Vanessa dispenses with such unnecessary measures as a doctor’s visit or a $10 test from a pharmacy as she announces to Lucas that she’s pregnant!

"I've got a foggy brain, I've been tired, and I've been baking like a mad woman. I'm pregnant!"

“I’ve got a foggy brain, I’ve been tired, and I’ve been baking like a mad woman. I’m pregnant!”

TUE

Over at no.26, Mason seems to think that Kate needs a reminder on how young he is,  as he dresses himself for work and talks about how these ‘sweet duds’ shouldn’t go to waste, and invites Kate to dinner at a fancy restaurant , or somewhere befitting the splendour of his ‘junior concierge’ work costume.

"Hey Kate, look at me, I'm a grown-up! 'Politics!' 'Shiraz!'"

“Hey Kate, look at me, I’m a grown-up! ‘Politics!’ ‘Shiraz!'”

Over at Charlie’s, a palpably anxious Georgia debuts a song she’d just written. She’s understandably nervous about performing it and is concerned as to whether the crowd will like it. We know this because there are several scenes devoted to Georgia expressing these very concerns.

Mindful of this, Kate shows up for the beginning of the song, and then, 20 seconds later, sensing she isn’t the focus of everyone’s attention, abruptly leaves, dragging Chris and Kyle, Georgia’s boyfriend and primary source of support, along with her.

"Come on Kyle, let's make like a banana, and split"

“Come on Kyle, let’s make like a banana & split”

Seriously, can Kate just get hit by a truck or something? I swear she gets more unlikable every episode.

Anyway, it turns out she can’t have kids, and she’s incredibly worried as to how her short-term, 18 year-old boyfriend will react when he finds out.

"So this means I don't have to wear a franger anymore when we do it? Radical!"

“So this means I don’t have to wear a franger anymore when we do it? Radical!”

Elsewhere, Kyle tells Georgia that ‘her song was a ripper!’ and that ‘the crowd loved it!’ “It must have been the biggest applause Karl’s ever had!” he continues.

Wow Kyle, the applause must have been pretty loud to have heard it all the way over at Harold's, which is where you were at the time, having left halfway through the song to console Kate through her bullshit and DO THE WRITERS THINK WE CAN'T REMEMBER THE EVENTS OF TWO MINUTES PREVIOUS?

Wow Kyle, the applause must have been pretty loud to have heard it all the way over at Harold’s, which is where you were at the time, having left halfway through the song to console Kate through her bullshit and DO THE WRITERS THINK WE CAN’T REMEMBER THE EVENTS OF TWO MINUTES PREVIOUS?

At the garage, Lucas and Vanessa agree to sell the house to Paul, feeling that they’ll need the money to prepare for their next child. Unfortunately this means having to tell the current tenants, the Turners, that they’ll have to find somewhere else to live.

"Or hey," reasons Lauren. "Instead of making major life decisions and turfing your friends onto the street, how about you get a fucking pregnancy test, you moron. 'Baking like a madwoman' is not a FDA-approved method of determining pregnancy."

“Or hey,” reasons Lauren. “Instead of making major life decisions and turfing your friends out onto the street like garbage, how about you get a fucking pregnancy test, you moron. ‘Baking like a madwoman’ is probably not a medically-approved method of determining pregnancy.”

WED

Over at no.26, Hudson tells Chris that his meeting with a different swim coach didn’t go so well. ‘Apparently we’re not a good fit,’ he explains.

"Oh, I've been there," empathises Chris. "Was he too big?"

“Oh, I’ve been there,” empathises Chris. “Was he too big?”

At Paul’s apartment, Kate bitches to Paul about her love life – specifically, that Mason was upset that she didn’t tell him first about not being able to have children, electing instead to confide in Chris and the guy she recently fucked on the side and lied about – but apparently, in this instance, Mason is the one in the wrong.

“He doesn’t mean to be a jerk,” she tells Paul. “He just doesn’t understand. And why should he – he’s 18!

I just don't understand. Normally the arsehole characters on this show die or are run out of town, and yet here she still is.

I just don’t understand. Normally the arsehole characters on this show die or are run out of town, and yet here she still is.

Later, Kate meets Mason and tells him that she intends to make a lifestyle change. “I’ve realised that I need to be selfish!” she announces.

Selfish like the time she made out with the love of her sister's life? Or like the time she abandoned her family in the middle of a crisis to take a holiday and make out with cute boys. Or perhaps she means that she should be having more one-night stands with the boyfriends of her close friends? But yeah, I agree, Kate should definitely start being selfish.

Selfish like the time she made out with the love of her sister’s life? Or like the time she abandoned her family in the middle of a crisis to take a holiday? Or perhaps she means that she should be having more one-night stands with the boyfriends of her close friends? But yeah, I agree, Kate should definitely start being selfish.

THU

Over at no. 22, Imogen tells Terese that Brad has made lots of sacrifices to support her career, and that she should do the same. “His career’s starting to take off and it’s his turn to get some support”, she says firmly.

I’m assuming that Brad’s sacrifices chiefly concern his being able to spend just 8 hours on the couch each day watching tv and eating bon bons, on account of having to spend 2 hours at the pool with his son, which is, of course, his sole ‘profession’

I'm assuming that Brad's sacrifices chiefly involve him only being able to watch 8 hours of television on the couch each day, on account of having to spend 2 hours at the pool with his son, which is, of course, his sole 'profession'

And by ‘career starting to take off’, i presume she means the way in which he’s a small-town swimming coach with his son as his only client

FRI

Over at the coffee shop, Amber mopes over being grounded by her parents as a means to prevent her from seeing Robbo. Her parents must not have seen any cliched television programs, or else they’d know that demanding that their daughter keep away from her good-looking bad boy crush leads inexorably to her rebelling. She’ll be fucking him in no time.

And why is 'sourdough' in inverted commas? Is it imitation sourdough?

And why is ‘sourdough’ in inverted commas? Is it imitation sourdough?

Over at the eclipse apartments, Paul’s plan to ‘fix Robbo’, weeks in planning, takes shape, as he invites him over for a game of poker, and proceeds to beat him time and again, with Paul soon stacking up a pile of Robbo’s IOUs, which are surely worth more than the paper they’re printed on.

Anyway, Robbo pulls out a full house, convinced he’s got Paul beat. Unfortunately, there’s one thing that Robbo didn’t count on – the laws of infinitesimally remote probability!

Naturally, Paul has a royal flush. After all, the odds of having one are only 649,739

Naturally, Paul has a royal flush. After all, the odds of having one are only 649,739 to one

Naturally, Robbo, a seasoned scumbag, takes having been obviously grifted with good humour and leaves town immediately, vindicating Paul’s plan.

Or, he invites Amber back to his hovel and has his way with her

Or, instead of that, he invites Amber back to his hovel and has his way with her

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One Response to “Neighbours recap 29th July-2nd August”

  1. Matthew Says:

    I don’t know if you’ve noticed but Paul’s dodgy contact is played by Darius Perkins, who was the original Scott Robinson before Jason Donovan took over the role. Looks like your theory about Australia having a finite number of actors is correct.

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