Neighbours recap 9th-13th August

by

MON

Having ‘hacked’ into Robbo’s laptop, Mason is astonished to find an email from Lauren requesting to meet in private to find a way to resolve the situation. Mason furrows his brow in an effort to recall where he’d seen the terms of Lauren’s offer expressed previously.

"hmm...was it Mega Milfs part 5 or 6?" he ponders.

“hmm…was it Mega Milfs part 5 or 6?” he ponders.

Over @ no 30, concerned that Vanessa is going to leave him, Lucas tries every slimy, underhanded trick he knows to manipulate her into staying with him.

"Sonya, please...you've got to talk to her and make her love me again," he pleads. Í've tried everything, except not being a sleazy arsehole, and I'm all out of ideas!"

“Sonya, please…you’ve got to talk to her and make her love me again,” he pleads. I’ve tried everything except not being a sleazy arsehole, and I’m all out of ideas!”

Over at Vanessa’s apartment, Susan gets a visit from a mystery individual with a terrible fake Italian accent.

"Ëxcuse-a me", he remarks, "you have-a, the, how you say, semen on your ear, like Something about Mary".

“Excuse-a me”, he remarks, “you have-a, the, how you say, semen, on your ear, like-a the Ben Stiller”.

He then leaves to track Vanessa down at Harold’s and reveals that he is her husband.

"Uh oh spaghetti-o's" exclaims Vanessa, reverting to her native tongue.

“Uh oh Spaghetti-O’s!” exclaims Vanessa, reverting to her native tongue.

TUE

With things rocky between Lucas and Vanessa, tensions escalate when Lucas spies her entering Lassiters with a dark and mysterious man. Obtaining the room number, Lucas barges in, and determining the man’s identity, accuses Vanessa of trying to fuck him on the sly.

"And did you see that she's pregnant?" bellows Lucas. "That means that I own her!"

“And did you see that she’s pregnant?” bellows Lucas. “That means I own her!”

And for some reason Vanessa’s reaction to all this is to politely ask Lucas to leave, and not karaoke chop his genitals.

Later, Tim Collins, Auctioneer, presides over the sale of No.32 and for a moment my heart leaps in joy as Paul finds himself on the cusp of purchasing the house below Lucas’ reserve price – until, that is, bullshit intervenes.

"Stop the auction!" screeches Vanessa, who has raced over to Ramsey Street to tell Lucas to abandon the sale. She'd have called him to tell him this, but her shitbox sedan travels faster than the light speed of telecommunications data.

“Stop the auction!” screeches Vanessa, who has raced over to Ramsey Street to tell Lucas to abandon the sale. She’d have called him to tell him this, but her shitbox sedan travels faster than the light speed of telecommunications data.

WED

Arriving at No.32, Vanessa explains that her husband Alek is desperate to divorce her – so desperate, he’s willing to offer her $100K – it seems he wants nothing to do with Vanessa, as he has a fiance of his own and needs this divorce to go through post-haste.

Oh of course, now it makes complete sense why Alec was telling Lucas  about how much he regrets breaking up with Vanessa and smarmily goading him about not being right for Vanessa in yesterday's episode.

Oh of course, now it makes complete sense why Alek was telling Lucas about how much he regrets breaking up with Vanessa and smarmily goading him about not being right for Vanessa in yesterday’s episode.

Over at No.22 , Imogen looks to be in control of her bulimia as she joins the family for breakfast, enjoying a bowl of cereal, while Brad has toast, Josh has orange juice,

and Terese has giant melons.

and Terese has giant melons.

At the Lassiters’ gala event, Jack Lassiter himself dispenses words of wisdom, asking Paul about Mason, and suggesting to Paul not to give up on him just because he is no longer dating Kate. “Wow, you don’t give up do you?” asks Paul, exasperated.

“Well, not about things that really matter,” replies Jack sternly.

"and so, I must insist that the personal and professional development of a trainee concierge who has been working for the company for 2 months be your top priority!"

“and so, I must insist that the personal and professional development of a trainee concierge who has been working for the company for 2 months be your top priority!”

Over at No.22 Terese offers anorexia-suffering Imogen some counsel

Over at No.22 Terese offers anorexia-suffering Imogen some counsel, realising that Imogen, like her own breasts, needs lots of support.

Terese realises that Imogen, like her own breasts, needs lots of support.

She also reveals that while foraging through a local dumpster she finds a mobile phone, which Imogen knows to be Robbo’s. Good Samaritan that she is, Terese delivers the phone to the police, mentioning to Imogen that the cops will surely locate the owner.

So to recap, we're expected to believe that Terese and Brad found a phone, in a bin, which doesn't work, and assume that it must have been accidentally mislaid, and out of battery as opposed to broken and that the police will 'charge the phone and determine the owner'.

So to recap: we’re expected to believe that Terese and Brad found a phone, in a bin, which doesn’t work, and assume that it must have been accidentally mislaid, and out of battery as opposed to broken, and that the police will ‘charge the phone and determine the owner’.

and that, readers, is the most plausible scenario the writers could invent to reintroduce the plot device of Robbo’s phone.

THU

Always on the lookout for amateur pornography, the police quickly discover Robbo’s home video and call Amber into the police station, where she is in interrogated by a tough investigator, who enquires as to whether anyone else knew – for instance, Mason, and is incredulous when Amber replies that he didn’t.

Bear in mind that we, the viewers, know that Robbo was using the video to blackmail Mason and that it triggered a chain of events that led to his death – but the police don’t know this, as far as they’re concerned, the video is just kinky mischief from two consenting adults.

"You mean you don't share your homemade porn with your brother?"

“You mean you don’t share your homemade porn with your brother?”

With Paul now her agent, Georgia takes a copy of her contract with him to Toadie to analyse.  Toadie quickly points out that it contains a clause which gives Paul copyright over all of Georgia’s music. “Oh, isn’t that standard?” she bleats.

Attractive young lady desperate for popstar fame exploited by sleazy older businessman. I'm pretty sure this is how pornstars are born.

Attractive young lady desperate for popstar fame exploited by sleazy older businessman. I’m pretty sure this is how porn stars are born.

Meanwhile, over at No.32, Matt tells Lauren of his vast disappointment in Amber.

"I thought we raised her better than that," he wails. "All those moves we showed her - the Rusty Trombone, the Hot Karl, the Salty Walrus, and yet her performance was so lackluster! The boys down at the station will never let me hear the end of it."

“I thought we raised her better than that,” he wails. “All those moves we showed her – the Rusty Trombone, the Hot Carl, the Salty Walrus.. and yet her performance was so lacklustre! The boys down at the station will never let me hear the end of it.”

Oh, and then Jack Lassiter has a heart attack.

Finally he's done something worthwhile.

Finally he’s done something worthwhile.

FRI

With Hudson no longer on the juice, his times have naturally been slower – though no one seems to acknowledge this factor – instead, Brad seems to think he’s slower times are based on low confidence, and tries to give him a boost. “Josh is twice the swimmer he was after training with you, and I’m twice the coach.”

"Because now I have two clients instead of one,"he explains.

“Because now I have two clients instead of one,”he explains.

Meanwhile over at No.22, talented young elite swimmer Hudson shocks Brad with the news that he’s retiring in order to focus on other interests and spend more time with his boyfriend. This scenario seems awfully familiar.

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2 Responses to “Neighbours recap 9th-13th August”

  1. Matthew Says:

    Top work as usual. I especially like the fact that you’ve “noticed” Terese. Rebekah Elmaloglou is looking well these days. I admire the way your effortlessly dissect and lampoon the garbage that passes for Neighbours these days. Did you notice that Marty (Paul’s random henchman) is played by Darius Perkins, the original Scott Robinson?

  2. Rich Says:

    Brilliant as always! I know these take work to produce but I do wish they were more often, I keep checking back anyway 😀

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