Archive for November, 2013

Neighbours recap 30th September-4th October

November 17, 2013

MON

Over at no. 24, Susan barges in on Josh and Amber using the Kapoor’s house as a love nest

"Honestly baby, it's not me. It must be the outraged finger of Priya's ghost poking you in the hip,"explains Josh.

“Honestly baby, it’s not me. It must be the outraged finger of Priya’s ghost poking you in the hip,”explains Josh.

Back from India, Rani is flush with gifts for her loved ones, including Bailey.”This is really cool,”she says, presenting him with a CD. “He’s a hip hop artist, huge in India.”

"Subcontinental hip hop? Thanks Rani, this will give me loads of cred with my hipster dickhead mates."

“Subcontinental hip hop? Thanks Rani, this will give me loads of cred with my hipster dickhead mates.”

Over at Harold’s, Lauren tells Matt that she’s decided to allow Amber to see Josh, arguing that they can no longer just “lock her in her room and throw away the key”

"Things were so much easier when she was seven." reminisces Matt. "Remember when we locked her in the dungeon that time? Now that was a christmas to remember."

“Things were so much easier when she was seven.” reminisces Matt. “Remember when we locked her in the dungeon that time? Now that was a christmas to remember.”

Over at no.32, Rani breaks the terrible news to Bailey – she and Ajay are moving to London. Distressed by the  news, Bailey heads to Harold’s, but not even his favourite period cramp remedy can soothe this broken heart.

"Oh Rani," wails Bailey, tears falling softly into his ice cream. "Why'd you have to make like this banana, and split?"

“Oh Rani,” wails Bailey, tears falling softly into his ice cream. “Why’d you have to make like this banana, and split?”

Bailey’s fortunes soon turn around, however, as through the bakery stand, he eavesdrops on a conversation between Paul and Susan and discovers Paul’s intention to fund an academic scholarship, which could be used to send  a student to study abroad.

"This way I can have my cake and eat it too!" wonders Bailey.

“This way I can have my cake and eat it too!” wonders Bailey.

TUE

Over at no.22, in a storyline continuing from yesterday’s episode, things flare up as Josh announces his intention to delay finishing his final year at school to focus on his swimming training

What an intriguing storyline. I wonder where the writers will go from here? Maybe a week-long saga about Callum's dismay that Sonya has been neglecting to cut the crusts off his lunchbox sandwiches, as is his preference.

What an intriguing storyline. I wonder where the writers will go from here? Maybe a week-long saga about Callum’s dismay that Sonya has been neglecting to cut the crusts off his lunchbox sandwiches, as is his preference.

At Charlie’s, Lou enters and orders a whiskey. After drinking it, he asks for another, though of course within Erinsborough this is seen as alcoholism instead of being low risk drinking behaviour and remaining within the legal blood alcohol level to drive, according to the department of health.

"I'm sorry," replies Sheila. "but if i wanted to serve people alcohol all day I'd become a bartender!" handing Lou an orange juice instead.

“I’m sorry,” replies Sheila. “but if i wanted to serve people alcohol all day I’d become a bartender!” handing Lou an orange juice instead.

At the garage, while catching some Zs, Chris is awoken by a phone call from his new boss, and answers groggily. “What’s that?” he asks, “A security camera!?”

"Oh, you mean the prominently displayed camera directly in front of my desk with a flashing red light," he says. "Sorry, I thought you meant some other camera"

“Oh, you mean the prominently displayed camera directly in front of my desk with a flashing red light,” he says. “Sorry, I thought you meant some other camera”

Outside Lassiters, Terese runs into Amber and outlines her reasons for wanting Josh to remain at school. “He’s got to think of his future,” she reasons. “most swimmers aren’t paid that much, and what if he gets injured!”

"He could wind up in a hopeless, low paid position with no opportunity for advancement and have to rely on his hotel manager wife to pay the bills every fucking week!" she screeches.

“He could wind up in a hopeless, low paid position with no opportunity for advancement and have to rely on his hotel manager wife to pay the bills every fucking week!” she screeches.

Over at no.26, Chris complains to Sheila about what a bitch his new boss is. “She says I’m close to getting my second warning!” he whines.

Ok, so he was the only employee on shift, effectively in charge of the entire business, and fell asleep on the clock, and yet didn't receive a warning? I'd say his boss is pretty fucking laid-back.

“I just dont get what the big deal is?” he continues. “Lucas was always asking me to sleep with him”

Anyway, the way I see it is that he was the only employee on shift, effectively in charge of the entire business, and fell asleep on the clock, and yet didn’t receive a warning? I’d say his boss is pretty fucking laid-back.

Later, while Sheila prepares dessert, Chris furtively looks over his shoulder, reaches into his pocket and subtly withdraws a mysterious pill, slipping it into his mouth while Sheila is still preoccupied, before announcing that he doesn’t want dessert and is heading straight to bed.

Of course, he couldn't have just taken the pill in his room because....well, i guess because there is no set for his bedroom

Of course, he couldn’t have just taken the pill in his room because….well, i guess because there is no set for his bedroom

WED

Desperate to win the scholarship to study abroad to he can stalk Rani all the way to the UK, like a creep, Bailey has a meeting with Pail, though i really have no idea what he expects to learns from an English high school that he can’t learn in Melbourne.

"So, in England, are English Muffins just called 'muffins'?  I'm determined to find out"

“So, in England, are English Muffins just called ‘muffins’? I’m determined to find out”

Also, Bailey’s elbow-patched jacket might just be the most loathsome piece of apparel since the days of Zeke’s vests.

19

For a while, I thought wearing that jacket and over-enunciating ‘inaugural’ and ‘recipient’ in his meeting with Paul, as though they were especially large and impressive words, just about represented a new low for Bailey. But then he does this:

If Callum was any kind of friend, he'd tell every bully at school about this. It's the only way Bailey will learn.

If Callum was any kind of friend, he’d tell every bully at school about this. It’s the only way Bailey will learn.

Fortunately, Rani treats his gift with the contempt it deserves, dumps him and walks out of his life forever.

THU

At the nursery, lamb shanks delivers some hard truths to Callum – Bailey doesn’t think of him as a friend, but as a ‘subservient, serf-like sidekick’, like ‘Sam Gamgee to Frodo’

Really, the only difference is that where Sam was a brave adventurer saving the world from evil, Callum is a coddled pussy, prone to arguing with Bailey as to which of them is most in touch with their feminine side

Really, the only difference is that where Sam was a brave adventurer saving the world from evil, Callum is a coddled pussy, prone to arguing with Bailey as to which of them is most in touch with their feminine side

Later, in a show of gratitude to Tom Oliver’s years of service, the writers have included a storyline about how gross and old he is, and how near he is to death. Contemplating his impending demise, Lou then resolves to start living…

..like Homer Simpson

..like Homer Simpson

Later, at the gym, lamb shanks strides up to the counter and informs Brad of her intention to join the gym. After being quizzed on her motivation, lamb shanks replies: ‘to lose weight,’ causing Brad to furrow his brow in bafflement. “Really?” he asks.

"I'm afraid we're not really set up for that," he replies. "However, if you want to work out your frustrations on a boxing bag, you've come to the right place."

“I’m afraid we’re not really set up for that,” he replies. “However, if you want to work out your frustrations on a boxing bag, you’ve come to the right place.”

Over at Erinsborough hospital, Lou’s paranoia has seen him subject himself to a battery of examinations, and after being given the all clear and an encouraging speech from Karl, Lou finally declares himself content. “I think everything’s going to be OK!” he beams.

Now, if neighbours was tired, cliched drivel, which it is, this would be the moment where Lou would die.

Uh Oh, look out Lou - you're about to be crushed under the weight of shitty scriptwriting!

Uh Oh, look out Lou – you’re about to be crushed under the weight of shitty scriptwriting!

FRI

Unfortunately, it seems Lou doesn’t die, with Lou cheating the grim reaper, and we the viewers – who wanted to witness Lou’s lifeless carcass, brain fluid dripping from his nose. No? Well maybe it’s just me.

So anyway, Lou isn’t dead, and attends his 70th birthday party. Everyone is in attendance, even Lolly.

She hasn't changed a bit. And look who it is in the background - Baggie the boxing bag! He's such a scene stealer.

She hasn’t changed a bit. And look who it is in the background – Baggie the boxing bag! He’s such a scene stealer.

To their credit, however, the producers have actually brought back the original actress who played the child version of Lolly. Now they just need to bring back the original Toby Mangel.

this guy - not the other fucker

this guy – not the other fucker

Anyway, Bailey surprises Lou with a present – a family tree. Asking Lou to check the dates, Lou is surprised to discover that he isn’t turning 70 after all, he’s turning 71! This pleases Lou, as it means he’s beaten the ‘Carpenter curse’ of dying before 70.

Right, so he doesn't know his own age. So he's not dying, just senile

Right, so he doesn’t know his own age. So he’s not dying, just senile

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