Archive for December, 2013

Neighbours recap 11th-15th November

December 24, 2013

MON

Over at number 32, Lauren falls asleep and dreams of being with Brad, locked in his tender embrace, as they sensually perform the illicit act of…waltzing

Much like the writers, Lauren and Brad prefer to dance around the issue of extramarital sex

Much like the writers, Lauren and Brad prefer to dance around the issue of extramarital sex

And over at no.26, Kyle finally manages to remove the ring from Kate’s finger, and marches off triumphantly to go propose to Georgia or something, while Kate glances ruefully down at her now naked finger

Kate's insane ring-lust is truly Gollum-esque in scale

Kate’s insane ring-lust is truly Gollum-esque in scale

At Erinsborough High, Gemma ups the ante in her flirting campaign with Bailey by donning a pair of workplace-appropriate disco trousers, which drives Bailey crazy with Saturday night fever.

"People who say I have no chance with a teacher at Erinsborough High are forgetting Noah. Also Rachel Kinski. And Taj Coppin," explains Bailey.

“People who say I have no chance with a teacher at Erinsborough High are forgetting Noah. Also Rachel Kinski. And Taj Coppin,” explains Bailey.

Elsewhere, Lauren, Sheila and Brad survey the Lassiters carpark, lamenting the way in which the introduction of $3 per hour parking has decimated local businesses – which strikes me as odd, as typically, whether fighting off the development of a huge shopping complex, or protesting en masse against the takeover of Harold’s by an international coffee chain, the Erinsborough community are fiercely loyal and protective of their local businesses. You can’t put a price tag on that kind of community spirit

Or so I thought. Turns out you can, it's $3.

Or so I thought. Turns out you can, it’s $3.

Luckily, Sheila has a plan to improve business: recruit Amber to start turning tricks in the carpark

"Hi, I'm Amber Turner from Robbo Slade productions' 'Stuck Inside Amber.'" she offers, by way of introduction. "Anyway, it's $50 for a hummer, $150 for the works."

“Hi, I’m Amber Turner from the Robbo Slade production, ‘Stuck Inside Amber.'” she offers, by way of introduction. “Anyway, it’s $50 for a hummer, $150 for the works.”

And over at Erinsborough park, Kyle, Kate, Georgia, Gemma & Chris convene for a bbq, where Georgia, drunk on love and cheap champagne, blurts out in Kyle’s general direction: “Lets get married!”

So it's another neighbours wedding. They've had car crashes and horrific explosions - I think a tropical hurricane is due for a turn

So it’s another neighbours wedding. They’ve had car crashes and horrific explosions – I think a tropical hurricane is due for a turn

TUE

Though pleased with Georgia’s announcement, the proposal didn’t quite happen in the manner Kyle had always dreamed about since he was a little girl – so rather than reply, he abruptly suggests that they head to Charlie’s, with the rest of the picnickers happy to follow them

Abandoning their relatively untouched picnics, like so many coffee shop milkshakes.

Abandoning their picnic relatively untouched, like so many coffee shop milkshakes.

Once there, Kyle proposes to Georgia, presenting her with the Canning family ring, which, Sheila reminds him, has been in the family for ’20 generations’

"It once belonged to my ancestor, cro-magnon man," explains Kyle.

“It once belonged to my ancestor, cro-magnon man,” explains Kyle.

Over at number 30,  a party is held in honour of the engagement, during which Georgia approaches Kate and Gemma and asks them to be her bridesmaids. “I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather have beside me than you two,” she gushes.

Apparently, in Georgia's entire life prior to moving to Erinsborough, Georgia has made no closer friends than a girl who had been sleeping with Kyle behind her back and an insane cousin she'd never mentioned until a few weeks ago.

Apparently, in Georgia’s entire life prior to moving to Erinsborough, Georgia has made no closer friends than a girl who had been sleeping with Kyle behind her back and an insane cousin she’d never mentioned until a few weeks ago.

Over at Lassiters, Terese finds herself in a jam, when the professional photographer hired for a wedding at the hotel calls in sick, leaving her with no choice but to ask Amber to fill in, after seeing some photos she’d taken of Rhiannon on her iphone.

I wonder how the bride and groom will feel after being defrauded of the hundreds, or thousands, of dollars they'd paid Lassiters for a professional photographer, only to have their pics taken by a 17 year old with an instagram account.

I wonder how the bride and groom will feel after being defrauded of the hundreds, or thousands, of dollars they’d paid Lassiters for a professional photographer, only to have their pics taken by a 17 year old with an instagram account.

Paul then shows up to blast Terese and ruin my fun by making my exact point. Touche, writers.

WED

Over at Erinsborough hospital, Gemma is admitted after claiming that her hip had ‘popped out’- however, it appears as though she’d feigned the injury to upstage Georgia’s party

Though this is captured not by the x-rays or lack of tissue inflammation that the doctors would contend provide evidence of her falsity, but by Toadie snooping through the blinds of her hospital room

Though this is confirmed not by the x-rays or lack of tissue inflammation that the doctors would contend provides evidence of her falsity, but by Toadie snooping through the blinds of her hospital room

At the coffee shop , Terese lets Amber know that she came clean to the couple, but that at least they got a free set of wedding photos out of it. “You mean they still wanted them?!” asks Amber.

No Amber, they'd prefer to have no record at all of their wedding.

No Amber, they’d prefer to have no record at all of their wedding.

At Harold’s, conceited little shit Bailey is so convinced he’s better than every other applicant for the overseas scholarship that he’s started taking mandarin lessons

"Oh I see, you peel, separate into segments, then eat," he muses.

“Oh I see, you peel, separate into segments, then eat,” he muses.

THU

Over at Erinsborough High, Gemma is midway through a biology class when Imogen saunters in, 10 minutes late, and proceeds to give Gemma no end of shit when asked as to why she was late, calls her crazy,  makes jokes at her expense in front of the class and calls her a misogynist. And the grand penalty for this insubordination? Two whole detentions.

This miscarriage of justice causes Imogen to march directly into Susan’s office to make a formal complaint about Gemma

"Wow, two detentions you say?!" asks Susan, condescendingly. "Get the fuck out of here. In my day, pulling that shit would have gotten my ass beaten with hickory. And I'd have said 'thankyou sir, may I have another?"

“Wow, two detentions you say?!” asks Susan, condescendingly. “Get the fuck out of here. In my day, pulling that shit would have gotten my ass beaten with hickory. And I’d have said ‘thankyou sir, may I have another?”

Anyway, Imogen exhorts Susan to look at the student’s grades, specifically, the manner in which the boys’ grades have risen since the previous semester, which Imogen believes is evidence of Gemma’s bias.

Later, having done this, Susan summons Gemma, confronts her with the allegations and confirms Imogen’s suspicions, that the grades of the boys have risen, while the scores for the girls have declined.

"Oh, the scores are different from the previous semester, you mean when they had a different teacher with different standards of marking? Perhaps that teacher was favouring the girls? Perhaps the boys' scores have improved because they feel like they're being favoured, have established a closer relationship with me, and are working harder to try to please me, in the manner of a self-fulfilling prophecy?"

“Oh, the scores are different from the previous semester, you mean when they had a different teacher with different standards of marking? Perhaps that teacher was favouring the girls? Perhaps the boys’ scores have improved because they feel like they’re being preferred, have established a closer relationship with me, and are working harder to try to please me, in the manner of a self-fulfilling prophecy?”

Naturally, Gemma makes none of these counter arguments, because those would make sense

At the coffee shop, Georgia announces that she wants Kate to be her maid of honour. And in a testament to how well she knows her, she wants Kate to organise the dresses.

"Oh that'll be terrific!" enthuses Kate. "I've got great fashion sense!"

“Oh that’ll be terrific!” enthuses Kate. “I’ve got great fashion sense!”

Over at no.26, Kyle arrives home to Kate and Georgia preparing a mood board, or a photo collage or some shit. Ever crafty, Kyle rolls up his sleeves and prepares to help, which drives Kate wild with desire. The sexual tension between the two is palpable, no more so than when their hands touch one anothers while reaching for the glue stick.

That's what i call a sticky situation

That’s what I call a sticky situation

Menwhile, over at Erinsborough park, Gemma’s ongoing grooming of Bailey continues as she meets him for lunch, where she steals his lunchbox, and his heart

Of course, Imogen shows up just in time to witness their clammy hand-sex

Of course, Imogen shows up just in time to witness their clammy hand-sex

FRI

Over at no.32, still haunted by her dreams of being with Brad, Lauren turns to self-help solutions

Interesting..I'd have thought her desire to put her past to bed was the cause of the problem

Interesting..I’d have thought her desire to put her past to bed was the cause of the problem

At Erinsborough High, Gemma sneaks into Susan’s office to take a peek at Imogen’s folder, presumably to dig up some dirt to discredit her. In this manner, she learns of Imogen’s bulimia, though i’m not sure as to why Gemma, as Imogen’s teacher, wouldn’t be privy to this information in the first place

And of course, the student file is an actual paper copy held in a drawer, just like the thrilling 1960s spy movie the writer of this episode saw that one time.

And of course, the student file is an actual paper copy held in a drawer, just like the thrilling 1960s spy movie the writer of this episode saw that one time.

Elsewhere, Josh seeks his father’s counsel for advice as to how to smooth tensions with Amber, with Brad telling him that, basically, all he needs to do is always tell her that he’s wrong, and that she’s right

Nek minnit..

Nek minnit..

Later, at Erinsborough High, Imogen elects to admit to her eating disorder to undermine Gemma’s advantage

"Now that I've admitted to a crippling psychological disorder, people are sure to start believing my accusations!"

“And now that I’ve admitted to a crippling psychological disorder, people are sure to start believing my accusations!”