I suppose for the first post I should provide a bit of background to the current plot and characters on the show, but yeah, I’m not going to. It’s also a shame the blogs first post will be recapping such a shit week, but on the plus side at least one character left the show. Didn’t die though. He did get in a car and drive off with regular cast members waving goodbye. This is a pretty recycled symbolism in the street of Ramsey. I’m not sure if this is like an honourable army style funeral, you know the kind that they are send the casket floating into space covered in the national flag. Or if it’s more of a plank walking thing where they are basically discarded by the captain of the ship. Whatever it is at least it isn’t a funeral that involves Carmella breaking into Amazing Grace. That’d be shit.
Monday
The week gets underway with Paul and Rebecca returning from their weekend away and Elle greets them on their arrival. The discerning viewer will notice that Elle tilts her head whilst she yaps. This is a clear indication that she is suspicious of something and that this is more or less an interrogation. There is no damage to the front of Paul’s car, so maybe he didn’t hit Mother Ramsey.
Elle later goes to the hospital to find the kids Ramsey all motionless looking through a window at their mother in the multipurpose only hospital bed in Erinsbrough. It’s kind of bizarre the way they are all just standing there maybe to create a level of sympathy, but rather it kind of establishes the boy character as the kind of person that doesn’t swing his arms when he walks.
Anyway it turns out the mother dies. But this isn’t he character I was talking about leaving. The Mother Ramsey wasn’t really on the show but for a flash back or two in Paul’s mind. There’s also some pointless storyline about Donna feeling left out because Elle isn’t telling her what’s going wrong. This expands more tomorrow for some unknown reason.
The whole Zeke/Sunny romance is a running theme for the week and I’m sure the writers will manage to drag it out for a month at least. That’s their job right? Anyway, to aid the drag out Dr Karl is monitoring the budding romance in an effort to protect Sunny. Dr Karl is woried Zeke will ditch Sunny once he realises she isn’t a ladyboy. But on the otherhand Dr Karl isn’t sure if she is a ladyboy. So the whole episode includes Dr Karl offering her tampons and asking about her vagina. Sunny responds by starting every sentence with “How do you say”, because she is an exchange student you IDIOT viewer.
It’s worth noting that at some point in the episode Declan refers to Zeke as a wiggle which we can only assume is a reference to Zeke’s earthworm likeness.
Tuesday
Elle decides to dob Paul into the police as she can no longer hold the guilt of her suspicions. I really don’t think there was any Robinson inheritance, but whatever lets not restrict the writers creative waters with a dam of plot and character continuity. The police find Paul at Charlie’s because they are so familiar with him they know he’d be at a bar.
Rebecca arrives at the police station but is confronted by a scrum of journalists. They are from the West Warratah Star or something like that. Paul gets bail. At this stage Paul has Tim Collins as his legal representative, however it is later spelt out that if you are guilty you use Tim Collins to get you off, but if you are innocent you use Toady. I’m glad this was clarified as this has been a massive grey area for me for years.
Susan and Elle are meditating upon the cliff face when Susan says “Elle, you should investigate like a journalist and the answers you seek you shall find”. We are unfortunately not blessed with a journalistic montage. Well it doesn’t do a great deal but Lucas finds out, from an old poker buddy (seriously that’s how they pass it off – he has played poker once on the show) that there was a car booked into the panel beaters and the guy wanted no questions asked. I’ve never been to a panel beater but what kind of questions do they ask? I guess “How did it happen” would be the obvious and any response would work. Like, I don’t know “I’m a shit driver and an even worse parker”, but this guy decided to cover his arse with the old “no questions”. Turns out he answered questions as he told the panel beater he hit a kangaroo AND paid cash and wanted his car back quickly. Well, he’s guilty in my book. The kid appears and Lucas pins him down and the kid reveals that Paul pushed Mother Ramsey onto the street in front of the car.
Turns out Donna wants to re-hump Ringo and Sunny is just the person to help her two friends. Initially she tries the old flowers on the locker but Donna assumes it was Kyle and it couldn’t be anyone else. Also before this there is an odd classroom scene with Donna not wanting to leave the classroom until Ringo has left so she can avoid eye contact with him. She is sitting in front of him and the door to the classroom is at the front of the class. I’m going to guess that she could’ve left with everyone else in the class when they did and started a conversation with some random to avoid making eye contact. Fuck, we’ve all done it and it’s not that hard. Also the random conversation should involve laughing because you are having so much fun.
Wednesday
The episode starts with a montage of Paul’s arrest and the Ramsey kids heart break. Dr Karl talks to the Ramsey kids about social services but the Ramsey kids aren’t willing to talk. They’re worried they’ll be split up so they invent an Aunt that will look after them. To my knowledge no one has asked if they have a dad. This is sure to drag out of a couple of weeks to a month. Fortunately Harold’s place is empty and can either be filled by the next waiting or a special case as per the donation mandate.
Paul is interrogated and it is heaps fucking boring. Paul just fucking say what happened you dickhead. Man, Paul is such a fancy boy these days. Fucking writers ruining a great character. Paul is let go again and arrives to a journo scrum. It’s kind of odd because the journos are all waiting on the Parker’s driveway so why didn’t Paul just go to his house. Fuck knows. Anyway, Lou returns and attacts the journos, which isn’t bad until he has some weird awkward scene in which he wrestles with a photographer and makes mention of his fighting in Vietnam. Someone in the Neighbours editing room doesn’t deserve their bonus this year for leaving that in.
Donna blah blah blah why is Elle not telling me what’s going on blah blah blah. She becomes a method actor and pretend to be Steph in preparation for he lead role in the school play. Steph basically explains that her personality is easily understood if you understand her bike. They ride the arms of a sofa as if they were bikes. Donna later steals Steph’s bike and crashes it at the end of Ramsey St.
Thursday
Fuck this has been a pretty epic recap. If anyone is still reading I promise to make future recaps hella shorter.
Ringo, Steph and Dan take Donna to the hospital despite it only being Steph and Dan at the scene of the accident. This is marginally beneficial for plot development between Ringo and Donna, but also pointless. At least Steph rips into Donna and yells at her. Donna later gets a love letter from Ringo and they are pretty much back together again. There is no further mention of her going to hospital except when Elle grounds her.
So I basically have a theory on the boy Ramsey. See, he is second to the older sister who controls everything and boy Ramsey willingly obliges. I think he might be really young but really tall and basically a gump, which is interesting because that is what I’m going to call him from now on. So my theory is later supported when he is playing basketball (tall people play basketball). The scene involves Dan and Gump playing horse. It’s boring.
There is a pool party at someones place. Anyway Lucas and Steph are mucking about in the way that BFFs do. It’s worth noting that these two have barely ever spoken a word to each other before. Greg calls Steph a skank ho bag but in a more G-rated way. I think it’s worth pointing out here that, whilst it might be my mind playing tricks on me, I’m pretty sure Steph’s boobs have been changing sizes pretty regularly. I’ll keep tabs from now on.
Sunny continues to help Ringo in his quest for Donna, but this time with love letters. Zeke sees Sunny and Ringo talking and emos the fuck out. He eventually pushes Ringo into the pool. IN HIS BOARDSHORTS. I know. What a fucking tough guy. Anyway, Ringo agrees to allow Zeke to read the love letters because Sunny doesn’t give Zeke any signals or love letters or gay shit. Also, earlier in the week Sunny revealed that Zeke leaves her love letters around the house. Fuck Zeke is an arse mincing homo.
Friday
Didge accidentally arranges to have dinner with both Miranda and Steve because she can’t say no to either of them. The dinner is at Charlie’s and if I recall correctly the actaully made a booking. So yeh, Steve says he is going to move back to Oakie to help out on his dad’s farm. This is the beginning of the end for all the Parker’s.
Greg leaves to play a 15 second role on the first series of Underbelly as a drug squad cop or something.
Recap - Neighbours 