Neighbours recap 21st-25th January

MON

At Erinsborough Hospital, Vanessa reveals to Lucas that she’s called off her engagement to Lucas, to Lucas’ barely concealed delight. “Patrick needs all my energy right now,” she offers, in lieu of an explanation.

See, now I’d have thought that cancelling an engagement would create more stress in a person’s life, not less. Shows what I know.

So, Vanessa’s baby requires urgent medical attention. This kind of reminds me of how Sonya’s risky attempt at a home birth resulted in the baby’s life being jeopardised and requiring urgent medical attention. Or maybe I’m reminded of the previous birth on ramsay st, India Napier, who suffered from breathing difficulties and had to be airlifted to the nearest hospital for urgent medical attention. Or perhaps i’m thinking of the last baby born before then, Chloe Carmenetti, who had breathing difficulties and required urgent medical attention.

“Oh yes, like acute bouts of amnesia, infant mortality is inordinately high in Erinsborough,” explains Dr Karl. “In fact, we here at the hospital have dubbed it the ‘Ramsay St syndrome.'”

At Charlie’s, Andrew announces to Paul that he and Tash are dating. “Don’t you remember what happened the last time you were together?” asks Paul, the lone voice of non-retardation. “She faked a pregnancy!”

“Oh come on dad, that was soooo 2011,” counters Andrew.

Over at the garage, dismayed by the pittance in his bank account, Lucas considers various methods of making money through the power of the internet.

Just like Mark Zuckerberg!

Outside no.26. Kate witnesses Rhys selling his car, something which concerns Kate deeply, for some reason, as she asks, hysterically, “What are you doing Rhys!?” before chasing him into his home

“But Rhys!” argues Kate, “That car, which until this exact moment was a minor prop, was like a child to you!”

TUE

At the coffee shop, Carmel approaches Susan and tells her that she’s planning on heading home the following day

Her visit was brief, but memorable. I’ll never forget the time she, umm…. well, i suppose she had an unrequited crush on Karl, that was almost interesting.

At the hospital, Vanessa is thrilled to discover that someone has made a 23k donation for her baby’s medical care, though she’s at a complete loss as to whom could have been so generous. Could it have been the penniless grease monkey, or the wealthy surgeon with a penchant for grand gestures?

“What a mystery!” ponders Vanessa. “I bet not even detective Brennan could get to the bottom of this one!”

At Charlie’s, Tash challenges Sheila to a competition to see which of them can get the most tips, with Sheila the early frontrunner as she reminisces with a couple of elderly gentlemen about vintage motorcycles, until one of them waggles a $20 note in her face and she leaves.

As is custom, tipping in Australia involves waitstaff boring patrons with interminable anecdotes until you pay them to leave

Sheila then tells Tash that with it being the day of the lawn bowls final, the influx of pensioners should propel her to victory, before turning to another patron and asking, “How can I help you, sir?”

Also customary is for bar staff to serve customers from in front of the bar

After soundly defeating Tash in their competition, Sheila reveals, in confidence, to Andrew that as the treasurer of the Lawn Bowls association, she’d actually just been collecting team fees, hence the cash windfall.

“And as the random grandmother of a guy you’re not really friends with, and despite your active protest against my hiring in the first place, I expect you’ll keep this a secret from your loving girlfriend.”

WED

Reassuring Karl about the disappointing end to his dinner with Susan, which ended with Susan abandoning Karl without so much as a goodbye kiss, Tash remarks, “Just look at me and Andrew – I hated him for most of 2012.”

Oh that Gen Y. So fickle

Karl then tells Tash that she has no need to worry and that he, in fact, has another date the following day – coffee, ‘with a vet’.  “Oh, there you go, you’ve got something in common!” exclaims Tash, before bounding away.

“No, I mean she’s ‘ývette.’ She’s a stripper from Dandenong.”

Over at number 26, Sheila consoles Chris over his latest fight with his boyfriend. I’ve been there, she remarks. “After Frank died, I didn’t sleep for weeks. You get used to it.”

“I don’t know about that,” comes Chris’ surly response.

“Come on Sheila, stop playing the fool. My latest tiff with Aiden is clearly more significant than the death of your husband.”

Chris then takes the ultimate step in eliminating Aidan from his life – by removing him as a friend on facebook.

36 mutual friends? What horseshit – there’s not even 36 people on ramsay st

I guess they must have counted Lucas twice, and Toadie, like ten times.

I wonder which of these toadies is the irresponsible, fun-loving, billy-kennedy-corrupting fat kid. I liked that toadie.

Over at Charlie’s bar, Sheila conspicuously surveys a bloke in a vest, before informing Kate that  she’s attempting to find Chris a new partner.

Zeke, is that you?

At the coffee shop, over lunch with Carmel, Susan speaks of her relationship woes with Karl. “You’re obviously attracted to him.” says Carmel.

“Oh yes, attraction was never the problem,” replies Susan. “It was all the other stuff.”

“You’d think that after 35 years together and 3 kids, you’d develop some kind of emotional rapport, but you’d be wrong.” suggests Susan.

THU

Over at no. 30, Sonya hurries Toadie to work, to bring home the bacon. “Oh, I’m just a meal ticket am I?” asks Toadie.

“Yes,” replies Sonya. “And I’m a 24-hour milk bar.”

And for reasons he’d prefer not to think about, Callum developed a sudden thirst for a milkshake.

Later, at Charlie’s, Sonya’s attempts to feed her baby raises the ire of another patron, who is shocked by her indecency.

It’s like a Tijuana donkey show!

Shamed into leaving, Sonya then discusses it with a friend, and realises that what she was doing was a beautiful, natural act, and that she should have stood her ground.

Oh i see. Now neighbours is tackling the issue of breastfeeding in public. This show sure is edgy.

Planning to protest her ill treatment, Sonya corrals the local mother’s group into the pub  to stage a sit-in, until she gets an apology from Tash.

Nothing will prove what a good mother she is like holding a mother’s group in a pub – you know, with the liquor, the drunks and cigarette smoke. Wait, those things are good for babies, right?

Fortunately, Toadie shows up to take Nell back home, where she’s fussed over by Callum

Who takes selfies with her to post on facebook. Because that’s just the sort of person he is now.

Poor Callum. Callum of yesteryear would have handled his new sister’s birth somewhat differently

Back at the bar, Sonya discloses to Andrew that she intends to take the story to the west waratah daily, so that people will be aware that Charlie’s “doesn’t cater to breastfeeding mothers.”

“Oh no! And as a pub, that represents 95% of our target market!”

FRI

At work, Toadie seeks thousands of dollars of donations to the fund to save, as Toadie puts it, ‘his best mate’s baby.’ With the foundation devoid of registration as a charitable entity that would allow businesses to make tax deductible donations – and without any certification that the foundation ‘for his best mate’ isn’t just a scam to line the pockets of Lucas and himself – the law firm duly obliges.

“It’s called the ‘Sincere Love and Unconditional Support Healthcare’ fund,” explains toadie

At Charlie’s, the mothers campaign against Tash gathers momentum that is,  until Tash apologises, which brought a tense and captivating end to this thrilling saga. Or so I’d thought..

Back at no.28, Paul visits Tash and implies that Andrew might have fired her if not for her apology. Armed with this allegation from a man Tash knows dislikes her, she confronts Andrew and kicks him out of the house.

And for a moment, it almost looks like Andrew was simply going to deny it, thus ending the conflict, before checking his watch and realising that so doing would leave the show without a pointless cliffhanger to resolve on monday