Neighbours Recap 17 – 21 May 2010

Monday

Kate had scored a dancing gig last week, but it turned out to be an exotic dancing gig.  Naturally the hilarity of the situation is not fleshed out in the slightest, so why the fuck did they bother?  The answer – to ram more of her retarded dancing down our throats. 

Rebecca has accepted Kate’s offer to dance at her business luncheon held at Charlie’s.  Kate arrives with a couple of other dancers and a former must loved Australian comedian.

The stockmarket crash has put his retirement plans on hold

Kate dances, which is horrible and in no way warrants applause, or screen time for that matter.  A business lady in the audience thinks Kate was just great and offers her a job, but only her.  Kate is conflicted as she doesn’t want to dog her dance troupe.  This lasts for a couple of scenes then the dance manager tells her to take it.  Conflict resolved, pointlessness continues. 

On the plus side, she didn't even spin once

In the “B” story, Summer has a scrag fight with Natasha.  I have no idea how it happened, but it did and it was GREAT.

Tuesday

Summer no longer wants to hangout with Ellen and Harry because of the competition they had for her affections, which made her feel like a cheap slut.  So instead she hooks up with some random. Well he isn’t that random, he was introduced as a talking extra two weeks ago.

That guy

Fuck knows what his name is, so lets just call him “That Guy” from now on.

That Guy also manages to become the captain of the basketball team.  The combo of him hooking up with Summer and becoming the captain of the basketball team is too much for Harry.  So Harry lightly shoulders That Guy whilst driving to the bucket at basketball practice.

For the first time in Neighbours' history, someone falls to the ground and remains conscious

For some reason Harry gets suspended from the basketball team.  Even more bizarrely, Susan and Karl are in the background apparently there getting pictures for a story on childhood obesity.  They have no other relevance, which makes it kind of odd.  Perhaps the actors were rostered on to shoot that day, so they just jammed them in.  “Shoot” and “jammed” – that’s some pretty lazy basketball lingo included in there, I really doubt anyone would’ve noticed.  Such subtly, I should become a Neighbours writer.

Steph is now in her second trimester, which apparently makes her heaps horny.  She’s horny for Toady and imagines this:

Because we needed more cliches

Steph and Toady discuss their physical needs and decide they might as well fuck.  They seem to completely ignore they were together before and almost got married.  I’m not sure why this is meant to be so awkward, surely anyone in that situation would be comfortable fucking someone they’ve fucked before, especially if they don’t hate that person.

Anyway, they finally decide it’s go time and are about to kiss, when they are interupted by an explosion and creepy music, then some kind of abomination devil troll spawn appears.

Your mother sucks cocks in Hell, Karras, you faithless slime.

I'm going to need to get an exorcist

The next day Steph and Toady manage to find some time to seal the deal.  Steph has bought some lingerie to inspire the mood.   Turns out when she was trying on the lingerie she felt a lump in her breast.  Now, I’m not entirely familiar with putting on bras, but I assume putting a bra on is similar to putting on lingerie, so why did it take putting on lingerie for her to notice?  I’m guessing we’ve just witnessed another convulted plot to develop part of a boring storyline.

Wednesday

Half the episode is Steph in hospital getting tested to see if she has breast cancer.  She doesn’t, it’s a cyst.  But Toady is worried because Lyn is Steph’s next of kin, and well, Lyn is just such a worry-pot.  In an effort to reduce this supposed burden on Steph, Toady proposes to Steph.  Clearly the most considered legal advice Toady has offered.

I honestly cannot believe how ridiculous the storylines have to be to meet certain ends or junctures.  For example here, the writers clearly wanted to get Steph and Toady in a situation that would force them to get married.  Isn’t the obvious solution for Dr Doug to tell Steph that if she has this baby without being married, her breast cancer will return?

Thursday

The writers have sullied poor Callum with time wasting bullshit.  Toady tells Callum that he intends to marry Steph and offers Callum the chance to be part of the decision.  Callum says he wants to think about it.  His thinking takes half an episode and he has no problem with it.  Lyn, on the other hand, is less than happy, but who really cares about Lyn.  Well, unless she is your next of kin, then, golly you better act fast.

Naomi is out to get Donna.  She is meant to be crazy or something.  Meh.

Karl’s bird is still missing, but we can expect the bird to return with a hip new make over, which is meant to convey its new personality.

Ohh, man. Why does everything have to get a Zekesque makeover?

Friday

Lucas is sitting in the General Store when Dr Doug walks past.  Lucas attempts to bond with him over sport, but Dr Doug basically ignores him and walks away.  My opinion of Dr Doug improves.  Lucas then sleazes on to the new principal in an effort to make a friend his own age or something.  He invites his to Blokes Club and when they arrive, the “Blokes” are sitting around discussing wedding dates for Toady, ahem, like men.

Lets decorate and plan weddings!

Some crap goes on between Donna and Naomi.  Eventually Naomi pretends to be Donna and steals a hospital file.  Everyone blames Donna because her scarf was left at the scene of the crime.  This storyline will only get funny next week.